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I. How We Work in Washington. Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services. APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid. We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour. APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
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V. Complaints. Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights. APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.I agree that: A.I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information"). B.APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink. C.APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site. D.If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records. E.This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year. F.You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
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I will never be able to sit down and discuss privacy with my mom because everything stresses her out. So, I lock my bedroom doors when I am not at home. Plus I've learned to lock the door of any room where I don't want to be barged in on. Problem is she likes to "follow" me and it really gets on my nerves. She even makes it her mission to know where I am and what I'm doing at all times. This makes me have to lie about what I'm doing away from the house when I want to have privacy.
Tell us some more about your husband and how he as well as ya'll are doing. As a husband who felt for years that his wife was more married to her mother than to him, I can only imagine how he possibly feels and what that might be doing to your marriage. Sorry, but her social security check and any other money should be going to pay her bills not you. She's playing you like the emotional piano keys that she put inside of you as a little girl and that's why your falling for it. I'm not a therapist, but freedom from this sort of emotional F.O.G., fear, obligation and guilt comes with therapy and not by just reading a book on emotional blackmail or stop walking on eggshells or one of the really good book about boundaries, in particular on marriage and boundaries. When it comes to your own privacy, make it so!
" in my home" Remember, it is your home not her's. Out of the goodness of your heart you invited her in to take care of her. However, if she can't be respectful of you in your house then maybe other arrangements needs to be made. Have you ever stood up to her before or does she treat you like a child that does not deserve any privacy or respect because your job is to keep 'mommy happy and if mommy is not happy then no one is happy.' Sorry about my tangential thinking, but I was just wondering out loud. I wish you well but you need to let her know it's your house, you are her adult daughter and not her little girl anymore.
Thing is, "we" bought the house we live in together. After my dad died 2 years ago, we sold mom's house and then my husband and I sold our home and we bought a big enough house for all of us so she wouldn't have to be alone and because she isn't mentally able to live alone. Mom is 80 years old and although she still drives to neighborhood WalMart, she can't balance a check book. She is going blind and she can't hear very well. I pay all the bills so she can use her social security check for her own personal expenses. Thing is she gets mean sometimes. Yes she treats me like a child and I often revert back to feelings I had as a kid growning up with a mean spirted mom. Ugh. I feel like I've made my bed and I have to live in it. Then I feel guilty. But privacy is something I have to make happen for myself and not something she will ever respect.
I too moved my mother into my home, what a blessing I had for three years with her. It was not without much stress and frustration. You sound like you may have some caregiver fatigue. If you are not finding time to "carve" out space for you, and for your husband, you must do this. If it is taking a walk, going for coffee, you must take care of yourself first. Your stress level is very high and you will take your anger and frustration out on your mother, and then feel guilty later. Try to find things to occupy your mother’s time, such as DVD's of her favorite movies growing up or in her prime. My mother loved Law and Order, thank god for TNT and reruns. LOL You could end up losing your husband and other special people in your life if you do not take care of yourself. I ended up in hospital with sleep deprivation as well as caregiver fatigue. Does your mother like to read, play cards, and scrabble? Have her go through catalogs and dream of things she may want or locate great gift ideas for others. You have to be patient with your mother if her mental health is not "all" there. She may not know what she is doing, she may think she is at a young age and you are a child. Have you spoken to her physician? Does she have ALZ at all? Just a few clues and ideas from someone who has been there. Please consider taking care of yourself first!
I've pretty much given up on the idea of privacy, my mom also follows me around and the way our house is set up, she can sit in her favorite spot on the couch and stare at me in almost any room I'm in. It is rough, but I also realize that she is freightened (dementia) and that it might be reassuring for her to know that I'm there. I take my private time when she sleeps, although she is never down for very long at a time.
Hubby is really a good man. Things don't bother him until I get riled up about something. Plus Hubby has built a massive man cave - so he is perfectly happy with more than a man could ever want. I have often thought my answers on how to cope with living with my mom should be counseling.
I have to go in my room and much the door. I have a bedroom big enough for a large chair and ottoman. It's my sanctuary. If course I can hear MOM calling out"" "Where is everybody?" All over the house. Sometimes I go out and tell her. I get up three hours before she gets up and I have that time alone. You just have a figure it out. We say "We're going to bed between 7&8 so we have some time alone, too. It's hard. MOM has no boundaries so I have to draw them.
Luckily for us my parents go to bed early, and only blare the TV until about 9 pm ( I get up at 4 for work!) However, I was used to my hour in the morning by myself and now I often find Mom here reading (she dosent sleep well) She is no bother, but sometimes it still bugs me... And sometimes Dad goes into our room and rearrainges things, eats candy ect..lol
By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington.
Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services.
APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid.
We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour.
APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment.
You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints.
Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights.
APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.
I agree that:
A.
I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information").
B.
APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink.
C.
APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site.
D.
If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records.
E.
This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year.
F.
You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
Just a few clues and ideas from someone who has been there. Please consider taking care of yourself first!
Blessings, Bridget Wetterer
I take my private time when she sleeps, although she is never down for very long at a time.
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