Finally after 6 months we got my dad close to all of us in a fantastic nursing home, smaller in size and he has never looked better.
I got an alarming call today explaining now they will be moving him to a private room on another floor as he has been inseparable with another FEMALE patient ...kissing, holding hands ect. When it was brought to their attention or his, he slammed his door ect.
While I am beyond heartbroken for him I do understand because of cognitive issues this may not be appropriate!!!
Has anyone ever dealt with this...??? I’m so sad for him and embarrassed as he really doesn’t understand being separated ect. I’m also worried, what if they can’t keep him?
Any advice or thoughts I’d love to hear. I was so happy visits were beginning next weeek here in Vermont, dining room, entertainment ect..he is every workers favorite ...thanks everyone ...just when I had hoped things were going good for once for him..now what?
(in french ) : http://www.cucssslaval.ca/docs/Sexualite-en-CHSLD.pdf
Some references in his presentation:
Sex in Nursing Homes: A Survey of Nursing Home Policies Governing Resident Sexual Activity
https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/26441358/
http://www.vch.ca/Documents/Supporting-sexual-health-pocket-guide.pdf
If her family objected to the amorous couple, esp if she has a living husband, okay.
If there was potential hanky-panky, maybe okay, esp if they can't be discrete about it, BUT they should accommodate their need to be together, at least during the day, under supervision.
If they are just inseparable, holding hands and kissing, and there are no objections from her or her family, WTF?
Can you check with admin/staff and find out the reasons why they felt these two had to be separated? As noted by others here, some even the spouse, this seems common enough and so long as the relationship is mutual and there are no family objections, why not let them have their moment in the sun?
I would rather see them happy together than miserable apart. So many have LOs with dementia who are combative, nasty, difficult to work with, etc, this little "story" is almost like a breath of fresh air! Really kind of sweet...
After all these comments in answer to your questions, it is YOUR thinking that matters.
Best wishes, Old Bob
EVERYONE needs someone that will provide a hand to hold. support, comfort and an island in a vast sea of uncertainty.
If his advances are not wanted then I understand the move.
If her family does not want this relationship to continue I understand the move.
If he has declined to the point that keeping him on that particular floor is no longer safe I understand the move.
IF the facility does not approve and is separating them that I do not understand.
If they go through with this move do expect him to decline a bit.
A move is always unsettling and to be separated from someone that he has grown attached to can be upsetting.
You did not say if your mother is alive and distressed by this development. If not, I don't understand why this is a problem? Is this just a problem because of COVID restrictions or are facility residents expected to remain locked up alone in their rooms?
People with AL deserve some normalcy and companionship. Let them be, to spend the rest of their lives being happy and improving their health with one another. It is senseless and detrimental, even in normal times to prevent someone from feeling loved and wanted!
Your Dad can still visit his friend and feel comfort that he needs.
Talk to the staff to find out the reason he is being moved. If possible as for a meeting with the those involved in the decision, including the other family member(s) of his companion, to understand the issues involved.
If it is the other family requesting this move, sit down and discuss the situation and be receptive to their feeling.
I wish wholeheartedly that the situation you have described goes in your favor. It only makes matters worse, for your Dad and his physical and mental health.
Lastly, if there is not resolution, think seriously about moving him to another facility.
People with AL deserve some normalcy and companionship. Let them be, to spend the rest of their lives being happy and improving their health with one another. It is senseless and detrimental, even in normal times to prevent someone from feeling loved and wanted!
Your Dad can still visit his friend and feel comfort that he needs.
Talk to the staff to find out the reason he is being moved. If possible as for a meeting with the those involved in the decision, including the other family member(s) of his companion, to understand the issues involved.
If it is the other family requesting this move, sit down and discuss the situation and be receptive to their feeling.
I wish wholeheartedly that the situation you have described goes in your favor. It only makes matters worse, for your Dad and his physical and mental health.
Lastly, if there is not resolution, think seriously about moving him to another facility.
Does her family have an issue with the relationship? Does she?
I think that it is cruel to say that they can't have comfort in each other. It's not like she is going to end up pregnant, if things could even progress to that point.
Don't be horrified, be thankful that your dad has found someone that touches his heart and makes him feel better.
My grandmother did the same thing and it didn't last very long but, it gave her comfort that none of us could.
I am not saying that my thoughts are valid in this situation, but I believe the facility made the appropriate adjustment.
They're not dead!
They should be able to live out the rest of their lives doing whatever they want as long as it's not hurting either one of them.
I didn't have the relationship with my mother that I might have preferred but I find I am able to visit her in the NH environment she is now in and try my best to meet any needs she has which are very limited as she is only mobile in a wheelchair. We both share a love of books. I am able to bring her ones that I myself have enjoyed reading and she has also. I am sad after each visit to a degree as she would love to even be able to stand. That doesn't seem likely but a message such as yours helps me to try to focus on the positive.
Myself, I think it is wonderful that he is able to develop this relationship. Some, do not feel that way.