Mom is 81. I had to nicely tell her that she's wearing dirty clothes to bed, and 'my mom' always told me to wear my clean pj's to bed. I understand she lives alone, and if she's not going anywhere, what's the sense of changing clothes, somewhat, but in this instance, she wore the same clothes to the cemetery, and two days afterwards, PLUS wearing them to bed. I had to shame her somewhat. It gets hard, because I don't want to yell at her! Let me finish by saying she lives alone.
ww.youtube.com/watch?v=j9FFLaymycg&index=2&list=PL2E2lPBsUeBjA1Utglo8q6yANAijEf8cX
www.youtube.com/watch?v=j9FFLaymycg&index=2&list=PL2E2lPBsUeBjA1Utglo8q6yANAijEf8cX
If she looks presentable I would not worry too much about it. Most people tend to wash themselves too much. Some people never get out of their PJs and others sleep in their daytime clothes.
Maybe it is time for her to need a higher level of care.
People change a lot when as they age and conventions do not seem as important.
It is more important to make sure that Mom is safe has enough to eat and clean surroundings
For the most part, she'd fairly fastidious, but she is getting a lot slower and somedays does spend the day in pjs.
Her physical comfort overrides all. I know she is down to two showers per week, but she cleans her face and private areas daily (very prone to UTI's).
I think you need to look at the overall picture before you get too worked up. I would really key in on medications that she needs to take - is she getting them when she needs them? That's where my mom really DID need extra help. Just help mom get changed if she needs to change clothes more frequently. I do agree that as we age, some of the conventions that used to seem so important now seem less so and that's probably a good thing.
It is very difficult for him to manage buttons and his shoulders & arms ache with changing clothes too often. So as long as his health is good, I let him be. It is embarrassing to him ( and most seniors I would think ) to need so much help just changing a shirt.
He is 96 and I had to learn that I must pick my battles. As long as he is happy, comfortable and healthy - he is still here with me. If and when living gets too hard for him, he won't want to be here anymore.
I hope I am saying this all the right way - but they become almost like babies again and if you constantly nag, yell and complain, then no one will be happy.
Just try not to fall into the same routine yourself. That happens too.
However, what I would be concerned about is her level of energy to care for herself any longer. No longer wanting to change her clothing as normal for her could be an indication she needs more assistance. If she isn't feeling well physically it could also be that she just doesn't have the energy to change her clothing.
My mother-in-law with dementia went through that in the final years of her life. I wasn't able to get her to wear her pajamas in bed any longer, because it was just to much of an ordeal for her to use the energy to change - even with assistance. So we made sure the next day she was cleaned up and had clean clothing on to start fresh.
Sounds like your mom may also be grieving, so watch for depression.
I am 72, living alone, and in my right mind. I prefer sleeping in pajamas, but every now and then I fall asleep in my clothes. And sometimes I leave them on the next day, unless I will be leaving the house! Sometimes I don't get dressed until I've been up several hours. And, after all, this is just a matter of changing from one top and bottom of cotton knit to another top and bottom of cotton knit! Big Deal.
Occasionally when I visit my best friend, even late in the afternoon, she'll be wearing pajamas. If I compliment her on them she'll say, "Yes. Aren't these lovely? They are nicer than anything I had clean to wear today, so I decided to leave them on while I do laundry." She is more fastidious about her appearance than I am, but that has been true since we were both in 5th grade, so no big changes there. But we feel we have had our careers, raised our children, nursed our husbands, and as retired widows we are allowed to value our comfort at home.
Arlicohe, what you should do, if anything, depends on what your mother needs. If she has a hard time changing clothes, maybe you can help her shop for things that are easier to get on and off. If she no longer cares what she looks like and generally thinks not much is worthwhile, maybe encourage her to see a doctor and describe her feelings to him or her. If she isn't dirty or smelly and she is OK about her clothes, maybe you should ignore it.
And if she is recently bereaved, all bets are off. How we behave while we are actively grieving is no indication of how we'll be the rest of our lives. And mourning is not the same as depression.
When my father was in rehab, he basically wore a t-shirt and gym pants all the time. He would sleep in the same clothes but they would help him change his clothes every day. He was also using Depends so those would be changed as needed.
I would try and not be so harsh on your mom given that she is living alone. When my father came home from rehab. He continued to live in t-shirts and gym pants. He would have a shower every two to three days and that's when he would change his clothes or if he spilled something on himself.
I'm not sure if your mom needs home care. My other suggestion would be to put clothes in other parts of the house to make it easier for her reach them and change when necessary.
Actually wearing the same things several days in a row as long as they don't look sloppy or dirty isn't a big deal--I work full time and will wear the same things the next day if they look decent (but don't sleep in them).
we went to the cemetery to visit my dad, who passed away 5 years ago. we go to the dr, and he suggests things to her, like going to a senior center, volunteering, etc. she yes's him to death, and before we're even out of the office, she tells me she's not going to do any of that.
I love my mother, and we've always been close, but you can see my frustration.
But your mother chooses not to take the doctor's advice. And not yours either. I can see why that is terribly frustrating for you. You love your mother and don't want to see her in this state.
But in the whole picture, the clothing issue isn't likely to be the most important part to focus on. If she were feeling less depressed and isolated, the clothing issue may take care of itself.
I don't know how you can get her to try a med adjustment, or to socialize even a little. But those seem to me issues that are worth trying to work on, and not so much the clothing.