Follow
Share

He loves just to hold them and admire them, however I am scared he will forget they are loaded and a round will go off. If I try and take them away he will say what if someone tries to break in while we are sleeping or in the daytime ? How do I handle that question ? I would LOVE to take them and lock them up but I Know he won't have any pat of that.

This question has been closed for answers. Ask a New Question.
Find Care & Housing

39 Answers

Most
Helpful Newest
First Oldest
First
1 2
Your sensitivity to your husband's hobby is commendable, but I would immediately get all guns out of the house. Do it when he is asleep or out. I would try to avoid an altercation, but with dementia, you can't take that risk. His brain is not functioning correctly. He could hurt himself and you, unintentionally. This is not one of those iffy issues. It's a huge safety concern. I would take immediate action. The fact that your husband does not understand why he should not have these firearms demonstrates that he is not thinking clearly and does not appreciate the reality of the situation. Be very careful. Try not to get into a confrontation. If you feel in danger call 911 and seek safety.

You can tell him that you are getting an alarm system or that you are safer taking your chances without the guns in the house. And don't feel guilty. You are protecting you both. And eventually, he will likely not remember the firearms.
Helpful Answer (4)
Report
Years ago when my husbands Alzheimer's was mild he managed to shoot himself in the face with a BB handgun. I didn't even know he had a gun. When I pestered him to tell me why he had a black eye he told me what happened. I threw the gun away a couple of days later and he never asked where it was. He must have scared himself badly. That situation is different from yours since your husband hasn't shot himself or anyone else yet but it could happen. It happens to people without dementia. Your concern is justified. Can he still be reasoned with? Perhaps one of his friends or his Dr. could talk to him. If that doesn't work you'll need to get rid of them yourself. I feel for you because whatever you decide to do won't be easy.
Helpful Answer (5)
Report
Your husband with dementia handles and admires loaded guns.

OMG!
Helpful Answer (6)
Report
My blood pressure just went way up.

Your husband has mild dementia. I'm not sure how much you know about dementia, but from experience with several relatives, I can tell you that often the change from mild to "raging maniac" stage is often sudden and happens with no warning. Meaning, he may wake up one morning and decide that you're not his wife, you're an intruder. Or that the UPS man is coming to take him awsy. Or that he's back in the army and he's got to lead the charge to take Hill 25 (that was my Uncle. Every other week). You get the picture. He's going to shoot and hurt, possibly kill someone. The three year old next door. Or you. And YOU will be responsible, morally and legally because you know he has dementia and you know he has loaded firearms.

Please get rid of the guns. Call the local sheriff to help. Blame it on Obama. But please, please, get rid of the guns.
Helpful Answer (6)
Report
Could you have someone who knows what they're doing reload everything with blanks and get rid of the live ammo? At least he won't throw a fit about them being gone. And smuggle them out one at a time.
Helpful Answer (4)
Report
OK, as a professional caregiver I know that the first thing to do is get rid of any ammunition right now!
If your husband or other family member with dementia or Alzheimer's has guns the best thing to do is not talk about the subject because these individuals cannot remember your remonstrances or your concerns.

So...that said remove the guns immediately. Be sure there will be no possible way your loved one will find them. While a demented person may appear to have forgotten most things, the fact is unless they are in the throes of late stage dementia they can still remember things from the past. So don't use an old standby hiding place.
Hope this helps.
Helpful Answer (2)
Report
While he's away, have someone unload the guns. Then hide the ammo. He can play with an unloaded gun with no downside, unless the police or EMTs come and he's holding a gun. He might be shot in that case.

As I'm writing this I'm realizing that getting RID of the guns is the only way to go. Do you have a grown child who could take them away? A friend or the police? Get them out of your home for your safety and the safety of everyone around you.
Helpful Answer (1)
Report
OK, as a professional caregiver I know that the first thing to do is get rid of any ammunition right now!
If your husband or other family member with dementia or Alzheimer's has guns the best thing to do is not talk about the subject because these individuals cannot remember your remonstrances or your concerns.

So...that said remove the guns immediately. Be sure there will be no possible way your loved one will find them. While a demented person may appear to have forgotten most things, the fact is unless they are in the throes of late stage dementia they can still remember things from the past. So don't use an old standby hiding place.
Hope this helps.
Helpful Answer (1)
Report
I'm with PartsMom and Blannie. Either unload them or load them with blanks.

Another option, depending on the sophistication of a substitute, is to find a child's toy made of plastic or something that just shoots water. Do you think he could tell they're just fakes?

Yet another option is to get something that he can admire but with which he can't do any damage.
Helpful Answer (0)
Report
Take out ALL the live ammo, get him a beautiful LOCKING gun cabinet so he may admire them ...if he refuses to get rid of them, but again NO ammo in the house/cars anywhere obtainable to him ..Period.. Many older men refuse to give up their guns or they may be collector's items so he may not want them destroyed at the local PD.Is there a son/daughter or relative he might like to give them to that shares his love of guns?
Helpful Answer (3)
Report
Just thought of something else....maybe those who know more about guns than I can speak to this issue. I know Eddie was a Marine and ArmyRetired presumably was in the Army -- maybe they'll see this and respond???

If someone knowledgeable, such as a former military person or gunsmith, removes the firing pin, it's my understanding that the gun can't be fired. I'm not sure about this though.
Helpful Answer (3)
Report
Regarding guns, there is something very comforting to a gun owner about having guns in the house. Even if the person can't see 5 feet in front of them. It makes them feel they are protecting their family.

Instead of removing the guns, call a local gunsmith and ask if there is a way to disable a firearm.

If the ammo is taken away the gun owner will immediately know the weight of the guns feels different. If the gun is disabled, it will still have the same weight with the bullets and the gun is now harmless to whomever is holding it. But that comes with a downside as Blannie had mentioned above, the police wouldn't know if it was fire able or not.
Helpful Answer (4)
Report
The problem with not removing the guns is the danger that exists that he's got ammo hidden somewhere in the house. Also, of course, that if he pulls out a gun when the EMTS come to help his wife who's fallen and broken her hip, they'll shoot him.
Helpful Answer (3)
Report
Speaking to Nowmymomsmom's comment, If the guns are collectibles, consider finding someone you know who understands enough about them to sell them, possibly at a gun show. Some of the collectibles are worth more than I used to make in a few months!
Helpful Answer (1)
Report
We recently had this same issue with my dad. His home had been robbed years ago and he was beaten severely by the intruders. Since then he has kept a loaded gun on his nightstand. He is in the early stage of dementia and was having dreams where someone was breaking into the house or he thought he heard noises inside. We finally were able to take the gun away once his doctor told him how dangerous this was and asked how he would feel if he shot his daughter or son-in-law. We also put alarms on all the doors and motion sensors outside. He was very reluctant and it took him a while to adjust. Now months later he never mentions the gun.
Helpful Answer (3)
Report
When he's in a lucid mood (if any) ask him to tell you about them (one at a time) and ask if he would like to have it auctioned off for someone else to appreciate. And realize that he may have more hidden someplace you don't know about.
Helpful Answer (1)
Report
jeannegibbs, what a blatant statement. You make him sound like a criminal. He admires and likes handguns. Not loaded, he's not a fool yet but I am working on a plan. Before he retired he always carried a firearm, work related. No suggestions from you just one blank horrible sounding statement. Sorry!
Helpful Answer (0)
Report
tarajane, when I read Jeanne's post I didn't read it that way. She was being honest with you. Remember, many of the posters here have lived with loved ones who had dementia so they know the different stages involved, and how difficult and challenging each stage can be, until the very end.
Helpful Answer (3)
Report
Put gun locks on all and have the key in a safe place where he will never find it.
My dad does not have dementia yet, but does have problems with his memory. His gun is now missing and we now have to file a report. Suspect that it was stolen. I understand that having a gun makes people feel more secure, but your husband does not need to be handling the gun.
Helpful Answer (1)
Report
No disrespect to anyone. I am just very new to this. I did not have parents to take care of. God took them early before mental illness could have set in. I am lost, angry, depressed, scared, and don't know from one day to the next what may happen. My husband right now has very mild Dementia but enough that I don't want him driving. Thank you all and I hope I can help someone on here someday.
Helpful Answer (2)
Report
Your original questions says "I am afraid he will forget they are loaded and a round will go off"...

I think everyone is concerned that they are loaded and don't want anything to happen to you..

Us caregivers stick together.. Hugs..
Helpful Answer (3)
Report
Taking the ammunition out of the guns might work, but it does have risks. What if he has hidden more ammo and after you think it's all gone, he finds the other ammo that he secreted away and reloads the guns or he somehow convinces a neighbor or unsuspecting friend to bring him ammo, or he orders it without your knowledge....the worse case scenarios go on and on. I just wouldn't rely on him keeping the guns with no ammo, but that is your decision.
Helpful Answer (2)
Report
All of the advice is very good. When I realised my Dad had dementia about 4 years ago, my next thought was OMG THE GUNS! He didn't hunt any longer and he didn't sit around foundling them, but there was a rack full in the bedroom.
I told him I'd always wanted the Remington such and so, and he said well I don't use it, just take it with you. I had all my male relatives come by and play the same tune until the long guns and all the ammo were gone. There was on little pistol he insisted on keeping for protection. I had my gun Savy BIL sneak it out, disable it and put it back.

What alarms me about your story is hubby sitting around fondling loaded pistols. This tells me either the dementia is clouding his judgement or he never learned and followed proper gun safety. That is soooo basic. You don't sit around playing with and fondling a loaded gun . I hope there's no kids around that know about these guns, not to mention a druggie neighbor kid.

Do it the easy way if you can or the hard way, no matter how mad he gets. This is unacceptable.
Helpful Answer (10)
Report
People with dementia, like children should not have access to guns, please take care of this situation immediately, you will not be able to forgive yourself if a tragedy occurs.
Helpful Answer (3)
Report
Tonight I read in our local news about a 90 yo man with dementia who shot and killed his 65 yo son who lived with him, in an argument over the television. The man told police he just wanted to scare his son.

Tragic.
Helpful Answer (6)
Report
I will ask my best friend's husband if he can disable the gun. I know every one of you are right. I make sure it is unloaded but that's when I'm here. I will take care of it. Thank you all. By the way, my ALZ group was fantastic! By the way the group was fantastic last night ! Hand massage with a nice smelling lotion. Other things too. Loved it. Thank you all and hugs to all.
Helpful Answer (5)
Report
Lock them up and hide the only key. You have to be the boss for his (and your) safety. Dementia is unpredictable.
Helpful Answer (0)
Report
Unload them AND get them secured. Anybody who even waves a gun or something that looks like one at a police officer is likely to get themselves killed. Show him you are locking them up separately from the ammo for safety and pretend to tell him where you are keeping the key. (With a little luck he will forget what you said and be unwilling to admit it.) Tell him a law has been passed that gun owners must do this. We just passed it for you, here on AgingCare.

We have not heard from you since 9/15 and frankly I am still worried for you.
Helpful Answer (2)
Report
vstefans, I too worry about Tarajane. She has a couple of other posts since this one. She has seen an attorney and gotten those ducks in a row. Her husband is now on Seroquel and that seems to help -- at least for the first day or so!
Helpful Answer (3)
Report
Yes, what jeannegibbs said. All is pretty calm. One day he drank 6 sodas while I was at work and I came home around 3pm and he was falling to pieces and could he please have an Ativan. I gave him one but I have switched him to non-caffeine pop. The Seroquel seems to be somewhat of a miracle drug for him so far. Sorry I haven't checked in but I have worked the last 2 days and just didn't post. I will keep you all posted. If you care enough to be concerned I will darn sure keep you updated. I just look for the day I can help with some answers. God Bless you all and hugs to you all.
Helpful Answer (7)
Report
1 2
This question has been closed for answers. Ask a New Question.

Recent Questions


Popular Questions


Related Questions

Ask a Question
Subscribe to
Our Newsletter