Any suggestions on how to keep a mostly deaf, blind and immobile mother occupied?

Go to the website Helen Keller National center for deaf blind youth and adults. They will probably have other ideas. When I think of Helen Keller, she learned through the touch and there may be things she can do through touching- sorting.

She can only see images up close? Get her an Oculus VR headset.

All of the above depends on her level of blindness and deafness. You can go to a low vision store online and see what products she might benefit from. My mother has AMD and is EXTREMELY hard of hearing. We've have gotten most of the aids for the blind, lights, large print books, free audio books for the blind, etc. She wanted to be able to read but couldn't and didn't enjoy listening to others read the story. Her vision is so poor that she can no longer use these things or had no interest in some of them. Her hearing is so poor that she can't listen to the TV even with the best hearing aids. Any aids you come up with has to be something she is interested in and WILLING to learn. Without their cooperation none of the above ideas will work. My mother is one of the best in the world, but she wants what she had 10-15 years ago and if she can't have that she really isn't interested in more. She's been willing to do the enhanced lights for low vision, etc. But beyond that there is not much she found she is able to benefit from. Her age 96 is also against her. It's hard to change at that age and as one of the comments above stated, she's tired. She also doesn't have the ability anymore to learn anything that leans to the memory and techie side. So, the best you can do is be available to talk and if she is allowed to walk around, that does help. Depending on her age she may also tire easily and likes to rest. Another thought I just had was if she can see close up how would she do with some crafts, such as beads, etc to work with? Good luck, don't let guilt get you down. Sometimes all you can do and what you want to do for them are incompatible.

Hi! Covid has really screwed things up for our seniors in Living Facilities. It just isn't right. However, Have you talked with her caregivers on site. They may be willing to help her with her ipad. Having had my mom in assisted living and all that, I found that her caregivers would have been and did assist her as much as they could with lots of things (providing mom will let them).

The other idea is audio books. The Assisted Living facility that Mom was in did have some, but I am sure you would be willing to take in whatever you supply and help her set them up to listen to them. My Dad(dementia, Macular Degeneration, Parkinsons and heart failure), was never in Assisted Living - mom was caregiver., But he loved the Audio Books! It took very little time to set it up and he loved listening to them. Mom was also nearly deaf the last few years, but was able to listen with ear plugs (yes it took a bit to get her used to using them, but we finally made it).

You can find a huge variety on books for audio. In some places libraries will lend equipment and/or help with all that is needed.

You might find a site online, and use the Ipad as the source for her to listen to. Keep researching all kinds of deaf and blind organizations, you will be surprised what you can find.

Good luck. Stay safe and smile, you are doing you very best. Never doubt that!

just some thoughts: don't give up on the iPad. It is a versatile piece of equipment. Take a look at what is available in the app store. My mom at one time enjoyed Candy Crush.
blue tooth speaker for the neck or a small portable blue tooth speaker to improve the iPad and TV sound.
large piece puzzle apps for iPad
iPad to FaceTime family
build a simple family tree and use iPad to record her answers to questions about her family tree.
if she has a TV in her room with a large screen: DVD's of musicals; use the blue tooth speaker to pair with TV.
when available: sign her up to get her hair and nails done on a weekly basis.

One other suggestion because you said tabletop magnifying light took up too much space and hand held is too heavy for her, they also make an adjustable floor stand model lighted magnifying lamp or one that clamps onto the edge of a table. Your local library also offers many books in large print you can check out for her. Some libraries also sell books they are planning on replacing at a greatly reduced cost, usually .50 to 1.00, ask your librarian to keep an eye out and contact you when they may be selling some, especially if you share the reason of that is all mom can see with a magnifying glass, cant hurt. Also check out book resale shops either online or locally. Readers digest also makes a large print version too that could be delivered to mom at the facility.

There are several states in our country (USA) with special schools for children who are both deaf and blind, some of whom also have physical disabilities (I know you need help for your adult mother.... keep reading.) For many years I worked at UCLA's Graduate School of Architecture and Urban Planning and remembered that these students had a project to visit one of the schools as a project.
Just now I checked the internet, and it stated that the Alabama Institute for the Deaf and Blind will be built for both adults and children. This entry was made on November 24, 2020. Although you probably don't live in Alabama, there must be people who can guide you to know how to keep your mother interested in life through various media. Also there were entries on the following states for educational institutions: Utah, Arizona, Missouri and Montana. There may be others. Those educators who specialize in these kinds of materials are very special people, and I'm sure would be willing to share their ideas with you for your mother. I've been a caregiver for many years myself for my 89 year old husband, and have found it is necessary to do some necessary outreach from time to time. But once you get the right person, it's amazing how much help is available that you never knew existed! Hoping the above helps a tiny bit... Sometimes I think the word "triumph" is "try" with a lot of "oomph"... meaning
time doing research on the internet :).

Imho, you should look into the Commissioner of the Blind (I am NOT saying that this is your mother), but my own mother, who was classified as legally blind benefited greatly from items that the COB offered. If your mother's hearing is "almost gone," it may be doubtful that aides will work. Prayers sent.

WE have a sight center in our town and they have a variety of helpful gadgets, also try a place called Magnifiers and More, their website may give you some ideas and you can find some floor lamps with built in magnifers or other gadgets so she wouldn't have to hold it.

Books on tape are available from the National Library Service for the blind. [Braille and Audio Reading Download (BARD)]
contact them at nlsbard.loc.gov

is there any place that you can contact that deals with blind/deaf people?  they might have some suggestions as to what you can do to help her.  other than that, I can't think of anything.  wishing you luck.

I believe there may be a magnifying screen that may you can put in front of a TV or computer screen to magnify the images.

An Eschenbach video reader (see on Amazon) is very helpful. It’s expensive, I know. But my 86 yr old mom has lost her sight (legally) to macular degeneration. This is the only thing she can use, really, to see anymore. Magnifying glasses don’t get it.
You have to learn to adjust @ first. It highly magnified so much, you can can only see certain segments of a sentence @ a time. But if she likes to read, do puzzles fm paper, this is it. Took my mom a good chunk of time to not be too frustrated at first. It takes patience. But my mom loves to read. And, also, play Hoyle cards (computer DVD rom) on her computer. For hours. And reading things @ store; & recipes. She basically completely relies on it.

My 99 yr old mother sits in front of the television all day. She also eats in the same place. I serve her meals and tea at least three times per day. I pay for the cable TV service, which costs more than what her mortgage used to be - decades ago. But it keeps her fairly happy. Sometimes she just needs the company, she doesn't really listen to what's being said. She sleeps with the radio on all night. She has trouble with the remote, and pushes the wrong buttons. I have to return the settings to the right place almost every day. But if it gives her some comfort it's worth it.

"...She relies on me for her sole entertainment..."
"...I would like her to be able to do something to occupy her mind..."
"...Her expectation is that her kids will be there and do everything. But it’s just me..."
"...I am piling on her everything but the kitchen sink..."

You seem to be trying to live her life for her or at least live your life such that she is fulfilled. You say she's not intellectually curious and yet you want her to be.

Your brothers have established healthy boundaries because they perceive that she is an energy vampire. The amount of energy you are putting into a woman who seems content with sitting in a chair all day far exceeds the amount of relief you will feel if she engages in something for a few minutes. And then what? Start all over again trying to find something to occupy her time 7 days a week?

Technology has its limits. Even going back to basics - taste and smell - has its limits insofar as there is only so much food she can eat and fragrances she can smell at a time. I agree with those who have pointed out that you need to find balance in your life. And you are correct that you have nothing for which to feel guilty. It's a hard thing to accept the way some people are in old age.

I can relate so well, so I’ll just share here what I’ve tried, how she’s responded, and my conclusions about it for you to take what works for you (if anything) and leave the rest.

My mother is 93, poor vision & hearing, and has Parkinson’s which causes her hands to tremor. She has hearing aids and I have them rechecked every 6 months since she continues to complain. But one thing I’ve realized is it’s not just hearing but processing that has caused trouble. She does hear, but it’s situational—when she’s tired or upset, she can’t process anything and interprets that as not hearing. Yet sometimes she can carry on a complete phone conversation if it’s someone very important to her. I know, though, that some of the processing may be impacted by the Parkinson’s. I do make a point to always speak loudly, slowly, and clearly—sometimes it works. I’ve gotten her very easy-to-use music players, headphones, wireless speaker I can crank up, and she has her favorite music on tapes & CDs—will not even let me play it for her.

She tells me she can’t see to read, but again, if someone sends her a text or link on her cell phone, she will read/watch. She has large-print books & Bible and Guidepost—just won’t make any effort.

I got her a big-screen TV, so she keeps news on all day (such a negative influence). She has all her favorite movies and movie collections on CD, but won’t let me play them for her—says she can’t stay awake. I assure her we can just restart from where she nodded off, but nope, won’t do it. She did, however, enjoy some Hallmark & Lifetime movies over the holidays, and even remembered how to record them.

She says she can’t smell or taste anything, so all the scented soaps & lotions have been a waste, yet she insists on bottled water because tap water “tastes bad,” and she complains about how terrible her meds taste. She asks me to buy certain foods that she’s hungry for but often complains how terrible it is not to taste anything.

I brought her into my home 11 months ago because we could no longer afford Assisted Living (although she continuously complained about that, too). She has always been a narcissist, done nothing for herself and always depended on her children to take care of her. Her needs have always come first and I can’t count the times she’s thrown her kids under the bus to get what she wanted. So I don’t expect her to be anything other than that now. I’ve found other ways to get my needs for love & acceptance met. Now I do for her what I am able to do because that speaks to who I am. I am kind to her, compassionate (what a lousy thing it must be to be as miserable as she is) and I know all of her responses to me are about who she is. I have always believed that as long as we are alive, we can grow and change, but it has to be a choice. She has not made that choice. It is sad to me, but I am not responsible for her emotional life. I am responsible for mine. I do what I can do—guilt has no place in my life. If we offer a parent a safe, healthy, loving environment and they are still bored or miserable, that’s their choice. It’s a cautionary tale that we won’t repeat when our children step up to help us.

Talk to the professionals at her facility about this. There are always new developments in how to care for an aging population, with so many special needs. At my mother's facility they have a new method called "sensory session" where they try to stimulate different senses. Of course this is only for a short time each week. Can you communicate at all with your mother? Does she have any preferences? My mother has advanced dementia, but her senses are still OK - although I suspect with dementia the senses are also functioning in a different way. Oddly, she stopped wearing her glasses about a year ago. She likes to listen to music. I think soothing music can be helpful even as a background.

This is going to sound sad, but here goes... For years I've done well in finding things for my husband to do both physically and mentally. He has stage 5 Parkinson's, dementia and is blind. However, for the last six months or so (I don't believe it is covid related), he sleeps a lot more than in the past. It takes a longer time for showers, eating, being exercised and massaged and just getting through the day. He's exhausted after brushing his teeth / having his teeth brushed and flossed, etc. I've finally decided, maybe he is just too tired to do 'things' and is ready to just relax and sleep. I believe there comes a time when 'quiet' is good.

IPad has accessibility options to use for internet and games and communication, etc.

Alexa can provide music but what about audio books and using head phones?
Not sure how old your mom is. The portable phones work better when they are on speaker. My aunt, 92, uses her phone this way. Encourage her to write letters to friends. Maybe they will correspond with her and give her some entertainment.

Wireless headphones are a GODSEND. My 98 mom refuses to get hearing aids and was blasting everyone's ears from TV. I got hers from Amazon (Seinheiser) and now she watches TV from her recliner for hours. (The headset volume control is on the headphone itself is separate so you can also control the TV volume with your remote or turn it off completely for anyone else in the room.) Another suggestion is to get simple plug in earplugs and hook up to a CD player or radio because seniors love to hear music they grew up with.
Word Find puzzle books in large bold print may help. I also bought my mom an LED floor lamp with bright lights to help her read and do puzzles due to her declining vision from macular degeneration. Good luck!

Dear "Lost..",
You sound JUST LIKE ME!! My mother is 101, deaf (has lost 1 hearing aid during COVID lockdown along with her partial plate), blind, pretty bad dementia. It's been so many years that I've lived my life with concerns for Mother the dominating factor. At this age, she has lost interest in the Commission for the Blind's Talking Books. That was a huge help for years, though. If you haven't tried that yet, you should look into it. I wish I could give you other suggestions, but I am tapped out. There just is nothing left. I can't even go to her rooms in her assisted living facility due to COVID restrictions, and can only visit once a week in an assigned room for COVID visits. So...Mother just sits there in an old chair that used to be "Dad's chair", which she took with her to AL. Either that, or she just sleeps. And sleeps. And sleeps. The worries have consumed me completely over the years. There just are no more alternatives. I hope you have better luck than I.

So, is her hearing so far gone that she can't even use hearing aids and headphones to listen to an audiobook or something? If so, they have specialized books called Large Print, made just for older people with poor vision. My aunt is legally blind, but she can still read Large Print books. I even had to make a large print version of my book, because she wanted to read it, but couldn't. Of course, you give her a normal print book, and she can't read a single word. I'm a self-published author on Amazon, so I have experience with all of these little tricks and tips.

Edit: I think they have over the ear headphones and other specialized headphones to use with a hearing aid. Probably not a good idea to use any Bluetooth headphones, because it could cause interference with the hearing aid.

Hi Lost1atsea

It is so difficult to help a sight impaired and hearing impaired person to enjoy life , I know from experience . I also know narcissist are the worst but I don't know your mum so I will simply address her physical issues :

Losing some of your senses must be a terrible and lonely affair , so like I do with Gilly , maybe if you make her environment rich in other ways she will feel better .

She can smell. How about a nice scent diffuser that changes scent ever so often . They're plug in and no danger to her . Some go into wall outlets directly and some are tabletop models .
My Gilly loves scented candles but he doesn't move much so they're no danger to him . A diffuser might work for your mom. What scent(s) would please her ?
Perfume or after bath creams might be nice .

She can touch, the fidget blanket is an excellent idea from a previous reply . Some have beads and zippers , Velcro badges etc .
Nice textured pillows and silky nightgown or pj sets . Just soft and comfortable clothing. Soft blankets and pillows . Velvet or faux fur .
Soff fluffy towels .
A nice fluffy rug under her feet.
Cosmetics or scented skin face cream to give her a beauty routine to adhere to .

She can taste . Treats and different flavours of cookies or cakes . Not sure if she can't have them but I know that food becomes very important to those who cannot see or hear . What are her meals like ? Can you have a " pizza day " or "fried chicken day "? Something to look foward to but again , not sure of her health concerns .

This one might seem crazy and please don't roast me but ...there are realistic robotic cat and puppy toys that purr, bark and move a bit like the real thing . She can't manage a pet but perhaps a facsimile will do .
There's a new one called Tombot, it's a puppy and sells for around $400 USD and you need to reserve your pup but it's worth a look at least ? You plug it in to charge at night and it has all day batteries they claim . Nuts sounding I know .
The cats , I've seen one called Ageless innovations Tabby cat on Roboshop selling for $ 109.89 USD. They're cute . (?)
They're really for anyone with memory issues but also loneliness so I suppose your mom qualifies as she needs something there to make her feel occupied.

That's all I can think of that doesn't require you to be there physically .
I know my list is kind of silly and I'm sorry if anything I've suggested is ridiculous but you have to try or at least consider anything at this point , right ?
Last on the list but first thing you should do , look after yourself .
I wish you good luck and self care.

L

1st call should be to the Blind Organization and see what all they have to offer..

they gave my sister a light held magnify which helped, they gave her a watch that would tell her what time it was..

I know a blind man that had a computer that he just spoke to instead if typing anything..

My 96 yr old Dad only has a little sight in one eye and he is hard of hearing.

He too does not know how to use anything any more, even his Cell Phone.

If you have his phone on Speaker Phone then he's able to hear and talk on the phone.

You might try head phones for your mom to listen to music or for watching TV but you'd have to get the Caregivers to keep them charged.

You might buy your mom some modeling clay to play and make things with.

You might also try letting her make a necklace using oversized beads and plastic shoe lace size string.

Being in a Senior Home socks, especially at this time with covid.

Can she have a Roommate so at least she has someone to talk to?

You might consider hiring a Sitter to visit your mom a couple hours 2-3 times a week or as much as you can afford for companionship and they can talk and read to her, do her nails.

If it's allowed have her spend the weekend with you.

WI'll they let her have a pet visit?

Buy her a doll with ling hair that she can comb the hair and braid it.

Prayers

My 92 and 94-year-old parents LOVE Alexa!

They used to have the negative news on 24-7. NOW, "Alexa, Play Bing Crosby" and they adore hearing the music. Oddly enough, they never played music in my childhood or in later life, but right now, its been a life saver!

They've listened to all the oldies: Frank Sinatra, Bing Crosby, Englebert Humperdink, Perry Como, and more.

Often, my dad (dementia) needs to know when they died, or some other fact on the song they are singing. He knows he can ask Alexa: "Alexa, when did Bing Crosby Die?" He gets his answer, instead of bothering my mom for the next 20 minutes... and plays music again.

Here is a list of "crooners" from Wikipedia. Find her favs and start playing.
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/List_of_crooners

I pray this brings a sense of contentment and calm like it does for my parents!

A poster below wrote a realistic reply about how it is what it is, at that stage, when I read further that she’s narcissistic if that’s the case it doesn’t matter what or how many things she has to “entertain” her it will never be enough - it sounds like you fell into the role of trying to win her approval or love and as your brothers cautioned you be aware that won’t happen, as an adult obviously you can continue to expend your energy trying to please her but the nature of her disorder precludes that— any approval or satisfaction she arrives at will only be temporary. It would be healthy to find some balance in your life so you have plenty of time for you and your own life

lost, I can totally identify with the emotional part you speak of. You deserve someone to talk to, and your insurance likely provides it - so think about that part!
I’ve seen several discussions here about fiddle pads, I’m not using the right term probably, hopefully others will weigh in on that or you can do a search on past threads. May be called activity blankets.
They’re not for everyone, or you find the right kind for her, but they seem like a really cool idea. I tried to get my mother to handle various fuzzy toys and she wasn’t having any. :)

What about the radio tuned to a local talk station?
My mom enjoyed the talking books, they mostly sent her ones from the YA section of the collection and that was OK because she didn't want sex or violence.
Music. By the very end when there was nothing else possible mom enjoyed music, if you load the ipod perhaps the aides could help her get it started.
Maybe a simpler remote for the TV,
https://www.amazon.com/dp/B01LY0FCQO?tag=aginginplaceorg-20&linkCode=ogi&th=1&psc=1

I'm coming back to add a rather discouraging thought; unfortunately sitting around waiting to die is very often what the last years are like even without a pandemic. While facility living can offer activities and companionship for some individuals in many cases the activities are too few and too banal and the friendships are transitory or completely nonexistent, especially for those with greater physical and/or cognitive deficits. It is what it is and unfortunately there are often no workable solutions.

The Library of Congress provides audiobooks and players for the blind. Contact the Braille Institute for other ideas, too.

Also, there are fidget blankets available on Amazon. They have snaps, buttons, zippers and other things to just mess with while the blanket is on her lap.

The most important thing, though, is to try to get her functioning hearing aids. The isolation caused by being unable to hear is just awful, and with the correct hearing aids, could be minimized. Take her to a real audiologist and get her evaluated and fitted for good hearing aids.