One day when Suzie called in at the last minute, four hours before her shift, I happened to be contacted by a friend that her caregiver, Michelle, who cared for her MIL, was available to take care of my mom. I had interviewed Michelle several months ago when I was looking for a caregiver, she was not available at the time. She was originally our first choice, but she was not available. Michelle works in an Alzheimer facility a few days a week and is used to more severe cases of Alzheimer's, so she tells us. We thought it would be good to switch at the time because of her experience and lack of commitment from Suzie. Unfortunately, my mom is really missing Suzie and so am I. We feel horrible we let her go, what to do?
Otherwise trust your instinct. If this Michelle was your first choice back then there has to be a good reason, and I wouldn't question it now.
And since mom has dementia, does she really miss Suzie, or is it because you continue to bring Suzie up to her?
You can't keep jumping back and forth between the 2 or you'll end up losing them both.
You can surely write her and tell her that you miss her very much, and ask her if, should you need her to fill in when your current caregiver is unable to be there, would she be willing to.
To be honest, no matter you may have formed an attachment of a sort, it is important to understand this is a caregiver, not a friend or family member. She has duties she must fulfill and if unable to, that is cause enough.
But there is also no harm in reaching out to tell her you miss her and ask her as I said, if she might fill in here and there. Then, if she says "So, may I ask you then why you let me go?" Be HONEST with her. Your reason was absolutely legitimate. You have to be able to depend upon help.
If this Suzie has any respect for herself she will never work for these people as a fill-in for any reason. Never come back as a fill-in.
Over the years I've left caregiving positions when clients and family became unreasonable because unreasonable is very common in this line of work. I always let clients and family know that if I leave a position, I'll never look back and do not return. There were very sweet offers made over the years by former clients and their families to me, but no dice.
If a caregiver is let go or goes on their own because a situation becomes intolerable, it will happen again.
I'm guessing Suzie is private-duty because if she worked through an agency, she wouldn't be calling the client (or client representative) directly if she was going to be out. She'd call the agency. Then we'd (I own a homecare business) call you and ask if you want us to find a fill-in caregiver.
That being said, do you offer Suzie paid sick time? My guess is no. Did you have a back up 'Plan B' if Suzie gets sick or has an emergency arise and she can't make her shift with your mother? You know because she isn't a robot and life happens with human beings.
Once again, I'm guessing you don't.
So get one. If your mother was happy with Suzie and all of you want her back, get her back. Sweeten the deal a bit by paying her more and getting a back up 'Plan B' care plan in place for if she has to be out. No guarantees that she'll come back, but it's worth a shot. Also, don't insult Suzie by trying to get her back as a fill-in. No caregiver with any respect for themselves returns to a former position as a fill-in.
You know, my homecare will not even take someone on as a homecare client unless they have someone local that can be called in an emergency and a backup plan if for some reason one of our caregivers is unavailable and there's no one to cover for them. So live and learn.
Whether or not you get Suzie back, plan your mother's homecare better and have a 'Plan B' care plan in place.
I hope you get Suzie back.
I don't think that 4 hours notice is last minute, even though I appreciate that it's very inconvenient for the family who rely on the carer. So, I wonder if Suzie would take kindly to being contacted again.
By all means try, but neither Suzie nor Michelle deserve to be mucked around. Just like the rest of us, they need their jobs to pay the rent and put food on the table.
So, make a decision and stick to it.
Thank-you for understanding that in-home caregivers like everyone else also have to make a living. That we are not so dedicated to serving some family's "loved ones" that we'll blow off our own health, families, and lives so we can be there. We also cannot keep all of our time free in the hopes that maybe a client family will call us to fill-in when the aide we were replaced by needs to be out.
I was a caregiver for 25 years and now operate a homecare agency. This line of work is in my experienced opinion one of the least respected and lowest paying fields among all employment. It is certainly the least respected and lowest paying in the field of healthcare which it falls under.
Yet even with all that people depend on us more than they depend on anyone or anything else in their lives. Clients and their families alike need to understand that it is not up to the homecare worker to assume responsibility for every aspect of a care client's life. Clients and families alike need to have a 'Plan B' in place so they don't panic and fall apart if the caregiver is going to be out.
I remember years back I had a care client who I had been with for several years. I told the client's family four months in advance that I'd be gone for the month of June. My husband's cousin was getting married in Poland and we were going to stay with family.
The client's family made no arrangements. A few days before I was going to be leaving, the client's daughter was hysterical and freaking out because she didn't know what to do with her demented mother and how could I just abandon them. I gave the family four months to make another arrangement.
She put her mother in nursing home. Then the family blamed me for abandoning her elderly mother and bankrupting them because the mother's assets had to be spent-down on her care before she could get Medicaid.
This is usually the crap caregivers have to deal with. We don't get paid sick time either.
If so could she and Suzie split the work hours.
If Suzie had fewer hours would she have to call in as often to say she couldn't work?
And with Michelle you would have a back up if needed.
BUT...
Michelle was your first choice to begin with.
Sure you feel horrible that you let Suzie go, who wouldn't feel bad letting someone go? (Gotta tell you though if she is good she will not have a problem finding another job!)
Give you and your mom a chance to get used to Michelle. If you have dementia it takes time to get to know someone new and a new way to do things. And you, no one likes change so give Michelle a chance as well.
You can text or email her to avoid a verbal confrontation. Tell her what you are telling us.
Avoid being overly apologetic. Just be truthful and ask her to consider starting over.
With what you've shared with us, I feel you can be successful.
You can find other caregivers on Care.com. Maybe there are those willing to be subs, like subs for teachers -- called at the last minute. Even when I used an agency, finding last-minute subs was a headache. But you need to have a back-up plan for when this happens.
Try to get Suzie back. Make sure anyone you hire has a written contract. In most states, the IRS considers you an employer even if you hire privately. If you pay under the table in cash, you get what you pay for. No methodology is perfect.