My resilience has faded over the last 5 years of caregiving. So, in 2016 I put mother into assisted living, & now am decreasing visits. Lately, I cry almost every morning😢, & have had angry outbursts. The Dr is pushing lexapro, but I'm afraid of chemicals that alter the brain. I wish I had the motivation to just get a simple job. (The coffee shop I worked at last year closed down). Is 61 too old to work in fast food? Please help me get unstuck. I love you all for caring enough to answer.💞
Lots of people have found that a short hours volunteering ‘job’ is a good way to get back into the workforce. Look for one with good company – not in aged care! And read BuzzyBees old site for a few minutes in the morning, it just has to make you smile. Best wishes.
I have taken most about every anti-depressant out there. I can say with all honesty that none of them really made much difference. I didn’t feel like I was “on” anything. Don’t think if you take it that means you’re an addict. Try it. If it makes you feel better, great.
I am 65. In another life I was a preschool teacher. Now, I am a full time caregiver for my bedridden husband. We need some extra cash and I’ve begun looking for a part time job as a preschool aide. Will I be able to handle it AND caregiving? Who knows. They want two full days a week. Less than that wouldn’t be worth it. I’m being selfish. But I need to get out of this house or lose my mind. Right now, husband and I are fighting over his Congestive Heart Failure. He wants sausage, popcorn, lunchmeat, etc. I’m tired of arguing. I know I need to get out. You do too. You need something to divert your thoughts. Maybe not a fast food job, though. Too frantic. A hostess at someplace like Bob Evans? Take your time and pick out something you’ll really enjoy doing. And come back to let us know what you found.
You lack motivation, because you're depressed. I hate that word, but truth is I've learned oh so much about it. Mine is situational depression and I expect yours is too. There are some drugs that will help, but finding the right one can take time. I've met people who say anti-depressants have changed their lives. I met a young woman who told me she couldn't leave her home and she became a recluse - until she started taking one. I personally took Lexapro for several months and then weaned myself off of it. Like you, I fear the long term effects and would rather not take anything - but I have to admit, it helped me for a while. Be aware that once you've taken an SSRI for any length of time, you have to withdraw gradually.
You are not too old to go back to work! Actually, it would probably be the best thing for you. You are taking steps to get your life back and I admire your strength. You've given SO much of yourself - I am in awe that you have been through so much and yet you're thinking of the future! Bless you! You can do this. Start by getting out more. Go shopping. Join a fitness center. Just get out! Then move on to finding work that you will enjoy and go for it. Good luck to you precious one. I just know you'll be OK. 💙
https://www.agingcare.com/discussions/caregiver-jokes-152323.htm?orderBy=recent&page=22
Sounds like a perfect job.
But pray about it and do it, you will feel so much better.
I will be praying for you.
I would like to explain a little about depression and anti-depressants. I have always felt like depression was wrongly named. It isn't a chosen state of mind (so saying... Snap out of it! never, ever works and only makes us feel worse!) that can be easily changed. A friend calls it brain flu.
The short version - our brains sometimes forget to make the natural pain killers we require.
Simply put, it is a chemical imbalance.
Depending on the type of antidepressant(one class...are ssri, selective serotonin reuptake inhibitors) ... It traps the available serotonin in our brains a doesn't let it leave! Lol.
I have tried many antidepressants, and there are a bunch of types. Some worked great, some not so much, some seemed to quit after a while. But, most have helped me to function better.
Don't beat yourself up. Many, many health issues are chemical imbalances.... Diabetes and hypothyroidism to name a few. No one thinks less of a diabetic when they take insulin...or of someone with a thyroid problem taking synthroid, right? Depression and taking Anti-depressants are no different in my opinion.
I hope this helps. Please send me a message if you have any questions, I hope the Lexapro helps you. If not, there are others to try. Hugs.
Sparkles
Just went back and read one of your posts. You really have a lot going on. Taking care of an abusive parent has taken its tole on you. Its not just exhaustion but dealing with abuse. I am surprised you stuck it out as long as you did. So I take back what I said about "guilt" being a problem. I hope it isn't.
I think you need to do something for yourself. A trip would be nice. Where I live there is a company that does bus tours locally. Some are day trips, some a little longer. Its the same people who do these tours, usually, so u eventually make friends. You could do a small cruise. Me it would be a some time at the shore (I live in NJ). Just get out. And again, a nice little job. 61 is not old.
I got this info from doctors, research, and experience. You still need sleep, and self care, or other body systems will deplete as well. Big hugs, no guilt, and let us know how you are doing.
My fear is that if you don’t take time for yourself and your health now, you may cause yourself a spiraling downfall and bring on health issues like dementia yourself.
Take care and good luck!
Escitalopram (brand name Lexapro) has a host of side effects associated with it including racing thoughts, trouble sleeping, headache, and changes to what your heart feels like. I wonder if your crying and angry outbursts are related to the drug or to feeling like only a drug can help you cope with caregiving.
Personally, I would not use a chemical to cope with caregiving. Through this forum I learned so much including how to set healthy boundaries as a caregiver. And I will not jeopardize my own health and wellbeing ever again. I got very sick and it took me nearly a year to recover.
That all said, since you are questioning the wisdom of popping a pill, and you are middle-aged, lifestyle changes may be what you're looking for. Making yourself a priority through proper nutrition, 30-minutes of physical activity daily, getting a good night's sleep, and establishing and maintaining a social network are important.
Making changes can seem daunting to start when you're depressed but everyone on this forum understands the struggle. I don't know much about the fast food industry but I do know that 61 is not too old to get a simple job. And your local library will have good books about midlife as well as your health and wellbeing. Good luck!
There are other things, more natural things that might help too if you haven't tried them yet and are inclined to before trying medication. Huge kudos to you for paying attention to and taking care of yourself!
A friend recommended Ashwagandha and it worked for me! She recommended Gaia brand but there are a lot of good Ashwagandha on the market. The dosage was twice a day and the only side-effect I had was dreaming. It puts you into a REM sleep so you will have dreams. I never had any bad dreams.
If you do try the Gaia brand, it is too strong for me in the morning so I just use NutraHerbals Organically Grown Ashwagandha with Black Pepper Extract in the morning and a Gaia at night. Seems to be working for me.
Good luck and Pleasant dreams.