Mom has no short-term memory but she's a very organized individual and manages well at home. She eats frozen dinners, high-quality cereals, peanut butter and cold-cut sandwiches. She snacks on packaged cookies and candy. She's entertained watching baseball and basketball and reading. Oh, and news programs. Though she's willing to change to something else for me, by the middle of the show she wants the remote back so she can find something she likes. She loses food in the refrigerator if you bring her something new. She seems content but I wonder if living with other people would make her more energetic.
DR COPPERTINO
She seems to be doing what she enjoys. Let her be.
Please leave Your Mother be where She is happiest. Why try to anticipate what She might prefer when Your Mother will tell You what She wants. Home is the Sailor Home from the seas, and the Hunter is Home from the hill.
I am a social person but being around people, even those I love, for extended periods tires me and all I want to do is get away. A lot of you younger people think of it from your point of view, I see you saying, "I wouldn't want...., or I think....".
A lot of the time, especially if you wear hearing aids, a lot of noise is bothersome. When you are in your 80's and 90's you don't have the energy to visit all the time. My husband's nephew, his wife, daughter-in-law and two sweet little boys came to see us yesterday. After about an hour I couldn't wait for them to be gone. This last summer I spent 5 days at the beach with most of my immediate family. The happy noise my children and grandchildren made drove me down to sit under the canopy at the beach with my book for hours. I had to keep explaining to one of my daughters that "NO, I am NOT MAD, I am HAPPY, I just want to sit and look at the water!!!!!!!!" Hubby and I are used to quiet.
Pick up a copy of “Being Mortal” by Atul Gawande. I think you would find it helpful as you enter this stage of your mom’s life.
Also consider her being evaluated by a Neurologist and a Physical Therapist. Her gait sounds worrisome. She might benefit from a cane for stability. Consider cameras and a Medialert.
Its comforting to check in and see a loved one going about their day.
If your mom is able to be independent and is not complaining about having extra company I would like to suggest her staying home..,....watching sports news is time consuming and she is staying focused. Reading, even for myself, is a most enjoyable past time.
keep in mind at home she knows where her belongings are, I assume she is doing a fair amount of self care shower hair wash getting dressed..
Listening to books on tape is an additional choice...
maybe look into A Companion Care through care.com provides companion care visits with your mom for 2 hours Monday Wednesday Friday.
Some woman like one on one attention either for hair washing and you may some suggestions as to what you feel would benefit mom; walks outside are mostly welcome maybe a volunteer from a church based community may volunteer. If you are not community based I would try anyway. They may lead you to other volunteers...
with best wishes.
If there are no safety issues then I would let her stay home....no place like home....
Emi
If you can get her to a senior center for a few days a week, you might find out if she wants the company or not.
Also, as my mom's cognitive skills declined, she was intimidated by new people as she could not manage the interactions. They are now in AL, and she is better interacting there with people of similar ability.
If your mom is doing well, I would not even consider a nursing home, assisted living or independent living. Those are big changes, and unless it is desired by her, may have a negative effect outcome.
Too often, we children force our own perceptions onto our elderly parents. We think they’re not socializing enough, they’re not getting out enough, etc., I struggled with the same exact feelings when I cared for my parents. But they are stronger and most happy when independent in their own home for as long as possible. Many things- slowing of socializing, lessening activity (getting out & going) are actually very normal parts of living as an elderly person. Sounds like she’s happy and can operate fine within her own home. If there are any issues you have, at this point, maybe you can help her tweak them. Otherwise, I’d leave things as they are. What a blessing you are to be concerned and to be a wonderful daughter!!
If/when you find a facility that you like when you do the tour ask if she can take a "Stay-cation" there. Tell Mom you noticed some "mold" or something else in the house and she has to move out for a few days so it can be taken care of. The few days should be of minimal cost and might give you a good idea if she would do well or fit in with the activities going on as well as doing well with the people.
Obviously a person capable of living independently would not be happy in a nursing home, nor would they likely qualify. But an independent living apartment, surrounded by their own things with help and social opportunities available just outside the door - that might be a healthier option for many people. And if such a place is attached to a facility that offers a continuum of care all the better.