This might be a lengthy post so you can skip it if you like. It all starts last Wednesday, the healthcare agency sent over PT to evaluate her needs, but couldn't finish because my mom was in pain and couldn't get up. A nurse came later to change the bandage on her pressure ulcer, it looked pretty nasty to me, but I figured she would tell me if something with amiss. PT came back on Thursday and my mom was able to transfer from her chair to the shower bench, so PT thought everything was fine. PT came back on Friday to have her sign some paperwork and mom couldn't get out of bed because of the pain. Yesterday was the same deal, although she was able to get to her commode once.
Today all hell broke lose with the pain. I called the nursing agency hoping they would send someone over on the advice of my sister. They didn't, they told me they would try to up her pain meds. My mom was screaming at me to call an ambulance and when my sister came over, I did. I should not have hesitated, that's on me. I have a hard time accepting the agency didn't provide better guidance after seeing her in pain for 3 days. When the EMT's came they smelled the infection (I'm the only family member who wasn't an EMT, and yes they can smell things). I didn't notice because she sometimes stinks in the morning. We got her to the ER, and sure enough her pressure ulcer was infected. They are treating her with IV antibiotics and will have to clean out the wound, so they admitted her to the hospital.
I'm so relieved they found the problem and are taking steps to solve the issue. Here's my question, my sister volunteered to visit my mom in the hospital so I can rest. I think both of us need a break from each other for a little while (her stay won't be long). Maybe I know the answer already, we both need a break, and I need to recharge (been up since 3:00 AM). There is a fireworks show every second Saturday in August put on privately, but I can see them from my driveway. I'm looking forward to it, maybe just laying on my back in the cool grass to see if I can catch some meteors. I don't have to get up in the morning, so I can sleep in as late as I need, although I usually don't. I apologize, I just had to blow off some steam. I find writing cathartic and helpful for me. Thanks for listening.
My sister came a long way to give me ‘a night off’ a couple of weeks before our mother died (at home, me around the clock). I went away overnight to a wildlife sanctuary, with night walks to see all the nocturnal animals, and I still love that memory. Put caring out of your head, and let your sister cope!
If anyone needs a super sized dose of fireworks and meteors, IT’S YOU.
Hope you’re heading towards a care plan that will be working well for all concerned!
I would call the Nurses supervisor and tell her/him about Moms sore. A qualified wound care Nurse should have caught this. The smell alone. I would ask the hospital if you could have something in writing how the sore progressed and that the infection should have been noticed by the Nurse, if found she should have caught this.
I have little ones at home, and now my MIL (who I caregive). Before my MIL moved in, I would occasionally drop my kids off at my parent’s house for a few nights so I could get a break and recharge. It took A LONG TIME to let go of the “Mom-Guilt” which was basically, “What am I doing? I’m a bad mother! I should be enjoying every single moment with my kids while nurturing them mentally and physically, I should be working on their reading, making them play outside more, work on their problem solving skills, and be PRESENT for every single moment of their waking existence…”
This is what society tells us that we should be doing every day, and if we’re NOT doing it, we’re bad mothers.
Screw that, I finally realized. It seems to me that you’re experiencing something quite similar: “daughter-guilt”.
I now try and separate myself from those I care for and be present for them when I am there, and feel good with myself for enjoying life even when they’re not around.
Best of luck in finding similar peace of mind. :)
On my last caregiving position I had never had more than a week-end off. Even then the other caregivers were up my a$$ calling me at home about something and I'd have too go running down there. In almost five years I had one week off, and only got that because the couple (one was invalid) had to go into respite care (that I arranged) because their house was getting renovated.
I had caregiver burnout so bad that I could barely put one foot in front of the other. The thought of having to even see the client and change another diaper made me almost lose it. I didn't, but you have to have real time off. Not a day or two, but a week or two and regularly.
Prayers for your mom but for this coming week- extra prayers for you to give yourself the care 🌷
Now he's home. I hired a caregiver to help, so I can have respite.