My husband is fairly independent even though he's got a list of medical issues. He needs help dressing and bathing and is a fall risk when he forgets to use his walker. But he can make himself a sandwich and get to his recliner and computer. He's forgetful but no diagnosis of dementia yet. He recently admitted that he shouldn't drive. So I've been taking him to several Dr. appointments a week. Last week we got some news that means additional Dr. visits each week.
My problem is my workplace. I have vacation time that I've been taking by the hour, as needed. I make up my time when I can and take vacation hours when I can't. All my work gets done on time. When this all started I gave them a heads up and discussed my plans with them and they agreed. However, they are micromanaging, to the minute, the time I take and make up. I'm also getting more work and they are requiring more documentation for the work than before.
I've worked as a manager for the same company for 21 years and the only time I have ever needed them to give me a little bit of slack is now, and they are instead giving me more work and making what I do even more difficult. I've discussed it with my supervisor and he just says that they need to document everything for my own protection in case anyone tries to point a finger and claim I'm getting special treatment. This is NOT a company requirement. It's his requirement. The company handbook says it is "at the managers discretion" so he is choosing to do this. No one is going to complain because they aren't being held to the same standards I am being held to. People have noted and commented on it. As for the additional workload, well times are hard and I need to step up for the company. This is bull. No one else is subjected to this. I'm sorry for the rant but I just got handed additional work documentation requirements today, that do nothing for the job, and I'm close to breaking.
Husband is on Medicare and not on the company insurance. He's not costing them anything so I don't think they are hoping I'll quit. I'm thinking my boss is just a micromanaging, short sighted, jerk. He'd be up the creek without me because he certainly can't do my job.
I'd love to find another job and give notice. I've really looked and had no luck yet. I can't get a salary anywhere near to what I'm making at my current company and age discrimination is very real. Not to mention that my regular trips to the Dr. won't go over well at a new place.
I'm feeling stuck and overwhelmed.
Thanks for giving me this place to vent. I know as Husband's many issues progress it's just going to get worse. I'm going to have to figure out something that I can do at home. His social security isn't nearly enough for us to live on and I'm several years away from early retirement.
Thanks for listening.
Apart from what's going on now and your supervisor, who I'll come back to, do you like your job and like your company?
If, taking a good long retrospective look, you do like your job and your co-workers and you'd definitely have wanted to stay if all this hadn't hit the fan, then delegate. Somebody else can take your husband to appointments, take notes, and communicate with you. Who? Ask around - look to your health insurance provider, your local social services, your doctor and hospital. It's what a caring husband would do. I'm sorry to sound so cynical, but it really isn't cynicism - I've long felt that instead of complaining about men we'd do better to follow their practical examples.
I suspect that supervisor partly believes he's doing this by the book, and partly smells blood. Tell him you appreciate his support (look him in the eye but try not to laugh) and then keep your head down. This will pass.
"...discussed my plans with them and they agreed." Who are the "we"? Don't be so sure it's your direct supervisor, he may be operating under directions from his supervisor.
"People have noted and commented on it." Coworkers or other managers?
If your company is large enough to be under Family Medical Leave Act (FMLA) and you can afford the unpaid hours, I recommend you consider getting your husband's doctor to fill out the form and start taking FMLA hours when you need to care for your husband. Under FMLA the company is required to hold your job. FMLA provides up to 12 weeks a year time off to care for a family member and can be taken by the hour. Check out how FMLA hours might impact your benefits if you decide to make this choice. (https://www.dol.gov/whd/fmla/)
Not only is age discrimination real, caregiver discrimination is also real. Someone in your company's management may have decided that you will need to leave or that your husband's health issues will impact your work eventually and they are trying to get you to leave before that happens (on their schedule). Or the company may be facing staff reductions and management has decided you should be one of the reductions but has no basis to support it so they need you to resign. One of your managers may have some hidden anger over a co-worker they perceived got "special treatment" in their past and is taking that anger out on you.
Whatever the reason it appears you have been targeted. In the short term, I would try to find someone else who can take your husband to his appointments; maybe consider hiring a case manager. Can any of the appointments be scheduled on Saturday when I assume you are off work? Long term you can just keep doing your job (and collecting your own documentation that you are doing your job) while you wait out the manager and keeping looking for another job. FMLA may help you hang onto this job longer. I suggest you consult with an attorney specializing in employment law so you can consider the evidence needs you might need for a FMLA complaint or a wrongful termination suit if things go badly. FMLA either makes a company back off or sometimes it causes an escalation in management's pressure on the worker.
I'm so sorry you are experiencing this problem while dealing with your husband's care. It's not fair and it's not right but unfortunately it still happens. Try not to let your anger build, that just makes coping harder. Try to look on the managers pursuing this course as short sited. The "problem" is theirs, coping with their problem is your challenge. Please don't let one or two real jerks derail you life.
Whether you want to believe it or not - it is possible that your absences are causing resentment. "Additional dr visits each week" I assume these visits are during work hours and that there are several a week. That is alot of time during the work day you are gone. Time to get alternatives for dr appointments for your husband. I know this stinks but it is only going to get worse as your husband needs more dr visits. And I can't believe that you can run hubby to the dr and then home in anything less than two - three hours at a time. This adds up.
I hope you are able to find something that works for you.
You need the break. You need the insurance and you need your retirement. In short, you need your job. And how about taking a real vacation?
Perhaps you could listen in on the doctor appointments over your phone and only take your lunch hour to do that and not have to leave the office?
Don’t let this jerk take you down. Protect your future.
I'm salaried, not hourly and the company is in financial trouble. So it's possible that they would like to replace me with someone whose salary is less. I've seen that happen several times recently. If I can just stick it out for another two years then I can start to draw from my IRA and can afford to take a lower paying job elsewhere. The conversation I had about taking my husband to Dr. visits was with my boss and his boss. FMLA is an option but only after I've used up all my vacation time. I won't be paid for the FMLA time and the way my company calculates the amount of vacation time you get, each year, is based on the number of hours you work the previous year. FMLA doesn't count in the time worked so my vacation time will be cut. I need that time, because we need the money.
The company I work for is large and has an HR department. Unfortunately, they are famous for being unhelpful and greatly prefer that you just go away and stop bothering them. There is a high turnover in HR. It seems that the people who actually want to help leave within a year. The last one assigned to my division left after three months. I will meet with the latest person, to get details about FMLA, soon so I'll feel them out. They are a new hire so I might actually get some helpful info out of them before they become disillusioned and leave.
Having someone else take him to appointments isn't really a good option. The number one issue with that is cost. Number two is he just tells the Dr. that everything is fine and he's great. Then he tells me that the Dr. says everything is great. Someone could take notes but it wouldn't be the same as they aren't familiar with him or his issues. Part of it is that husband doesn't remember and part is that he has never acknowledged his medical issues. It was monumental that he agreed to stop driving and that occurred only after a couple of very frightening incidents.
It isn't that I don't sympathise with your feeling the need to participate in the consults, I really do. Just a reminder to be as stingy as possible with your time :)
I would encourage you to download the FMLA forms and get them signed by your husband's doctor and have that signed form in hand when you meet with HR to discuss implementing FMLA. I do not think you are required to expended all your vacation time before FMLA under the FMLA guidelines. If memory serves, you are protected as soon as you turn in the completed and signed form although I recommend taking a couple of hours to an afternoon under FMLA soonest just to be absolutely sure.