Why do dementia patients like to keep trash (napkins, food wrappers, etc.)? Why do they not like to shower?

Cocoo, have you read up on dementia, or googled it if not please watch Teepa Snow on YouTube.

There really is no rhyme or reason why they do the things they to. Some things are just odd to us but makes sense to us.

As for showering, a lot are scared, scared of falling, even scared of water. We have no clue why.

I read once that a black line on a floor could look like an endless scary pit to them. So who knows what is going on in the brain.

So please look up those things on Google, and best of luck in this horriblely hard time

Their brains are broken and they do not understand. My friend will take a plastic cup, wipe out the little extra that is left in it with a napkin then put it in her purse to take home for later. ; / I have to take it out of her purse or if she goes to the bathroom I remove it - out of sight out of mind! Also, when served lunch she will say she is not hungry - Dang woman you haven't eaten for five hours! So I show her dessert and tell her she needs to eat such n such then she can have this or then she can have her soda (which she really loves). Yes treating her like a kid. Showers are the worst, or making sure she has underwear on. They don't remember and they don't know. You need to be on them like a 6 year old!

I learned a lot by watching Teepa Snow videos on YouTube. She's an expert on dementia and caregiving for people with dementia.

"Broken brain" is the most simple explanation. Dementias wreck parts of the brain that controls certain aspects of functionality. This is why certain dementias produce certain behaviors as it progresses.

It's not that people with dementia like or dislike certain things or actions, it's that their brains can no longer process reason, logic, judgment, empathy, time and space, etc. Often in the early stages their family thinks they are "just being stubborn" or "lazy" but it's because then *cannot* do things that they used to, or should now do.

Here's a good guide that I keep where I can see it daily:

Rules for engaging our loved ones with dementia...

1) Agree, do not argue

2) Divert, do not attempt to reason

3) Distract, do not shame

4) Reassure, do not lecture

5) Reminisce, do not ask “Do you remember…?”

6) Repeat, do not say “I told you”

7) Do what they can do, don’t say “you can’t”

8) Ask, do not demand

9) Encourage, do not condescend

10) Reinforce, never force


The overall goals should be to:

1) keep them as calm and peaceful as possible 
     (because they are less and less able to bring themselves to this state on their own)

2) keep them physically protected in their environment and from predatory people

3) keep them nourished with healthy foods that they will accept without fighting or forcing

4) keep them in as good a health condition as is possible, that their financial resources will allow and within their desires as expressed in a Living Will (aka Advance Healthcare Directive, POLST) 

5) keep them pain-free as possible and within their desires as expressed in a Living Will (aka Advance Healthcare Directive, POLST)

The caregiving arrangement needs to work for both the receiver and the giver. If it is onerous to the caregiver, then the arrangement is NOT working. Alternative types of care must be considered to avoid caregiver burnout. 

As for showering, my mil (who did not have dementia) refused to shower. She said the water stung her. She would wipe down at the sink and enjoyed the bed baths done by the hospice aide, but even though she could have easily gotten into our shower, she refused. All her life, she took baths. I saw a genuine fear there of the water "stinging" her skin. So, just something else to consider. Perhaps your loved one simply does not like the feeling of water from a shower head hitting their skin.

Those are common behaviors when someone has dementia. They don’t really know why some things are common in patients and other things are very individual behaviors stemming from their life experience.

Try to distract or find other ways to keep up with hygiene. Sponge bath in bed, washcloth while standing in bathroom. Scented body wipes they like the smell of etc. Be calm if they won’t cooperate.

As for trash, don’t scold - just throw it out when they aren’t looking. If they go through trash cans, move the cans to a different location not as visible to them.

Remember these behaviors will probably pass. Only to be replaced by other dementia behaviors. Each change needs to be handled with love. It’s sooo hard not to become frustrated, you are only human, but again the behaviors change.

Totally agree with the other reply here from Geaton777…try as much as possible to live by those guidelines from Teepa Snow. Keep the peace for the dementia person and your own piece of mind. Arguing, fighting, trying to change or teach the person with dementia will NEVER work. Their brain just is not capable.

Maybe they may be afraid they may fall, or it is just another chore they do not want to do.

Because nothing makes any sense any longer to them. Their brains are dying! So it's really not safe for them to take showers un-aided. Anything they do, say, or even think doesn't make any sense any longer! My Dad has Lewy Body Dementia (he 96yrs old) and has haluncinations (His hands were on fire yesterday). Try to relax about it if you can. I've learned to just go with the flow - for my own sanity!

Cocooo: An individual with dementia no longer possesses the capacity for logical thought processes.

My mother stashes tissues, toilet paper and napkins. I have to go into her rollator pocket and clean it out at least once a week if not more. First thing I do, is put on rubber gloves to do this as I have found banana peels, apple cores, etc. rotting in the bottom. Also after she goes to the bathroom, I will find scores of soiled toilet paper in her pockets...this is a daily clean out. Nine times out of ten it's too late to get them out before she soils her clothes with them. I usually do at least one small load a day of only her clothing. Her new thing is to go into her closet and pull out a clean scrub top (she likes them because they have pockets), long sleeved sweater and wipes her hands (or elsewhere) on them. She gets upset when I make her go to the bathroom about every hour when I have to take her to an appointment. She insists she doesn't have to go, but that's the only way I can keep all she's wearing clean. While we're waiting for the doctor or technician to come in I will do a quick cleaning of her scrub pockets, pants pockets and her purse wearing gloves of course. This is the complete opposite when she was doing well. You could eat off the kitchen floor, every day would be a dusting day and either dry mop or wet mop day. If you put your glass down and didn't pick it up in the next five minutes, she would have it washed, dried and back in the cupboard.

They can't see/understand what water is. They can't "see" clear things. Their brain can't interpret what water is.

I think there is a flaw in the wording of your question.
Dementia patients don't "LIKE" any such thing.
Their brain is not functioning the way it used to, and their behavior will reflect oddities which you never expected. They may not "like" it at all. But they can't help themselves.
Showering may feel like an attack on them. They simply don't see the reasoning in it. And getting wet feels like an assault on their senses.
Don't try to reason with your loved one or argue about their strange habits.
Their sense of reasoning is gone.
Simply pick up the trash when the are not looking, and do your best to motivate them to be clean. They may require a sponge bath. Get a wash basin ( I use a large plastic bowl) with warm soapy water, and sprinkle a few drops of their favorite scent, and a nice, soft washcloth. If they fight, give them a small towel to hold with the instruction to "dry themself off".
You may have to compromise your idea of cleanliness. Do the best you can do, and accept that this is the best you can do, and that it is good enough.
Keep a sense of humor, and live with them while they are going through this terribly hard time. Try to understand their perspective. It's kind of like raising young children.

They may fear the water, have hallucinations, feel embarrassed. The brain is / has changed. Parts of the brain cells have died / are dying. Behavior reflects how parts of brain works or is unable to work. Read Teepa Snow's website / her books on dementia and the brain.

See this website:
https://www.alzheimers.org.uk/get-support/daily-living/washing-bathing-showering-tips#content-start

In part, it says:

By supporting a person with washing and bathing, you can help maintain their confidence, independence and sense of wellbeing. Instead of doing things for them, try to be guided by their pace and preferences. This can make washing and bathing easier for both of you.

For example, consider installing taps that are easy to use and clearly marked ‘hot’ and ‘cold’. If the person with dementia can more easily find and use taps for themselves, they may be able to continue with tasks without too much help from you.

How to make washing, bathing an showering a positive experience
Communicating clearly and calmly is essential to supporting the person. Talk through what you are doing at each step, and give the person time to understand each task. This also gives them a chance to say no to anything they are not comfortable with. Be encouraging, and don’t dwell on things that did not go well.
Some people may be unsafe or become anxious if they are left on their own. Make sure you will not be disturbed or distracted, and can stay with them if you need to.

Tips for carers supporting a person with dementia to wash, bathe or shower
These tips can help you to make washing, bathing and showering safer and easier.

Don’t forget your own safety. If you help the person get into the bath, make sure you don’t strain your back. If this is becoming a problem, talk to an occupational therapist about equipment that can help you.

Check the water temperature is not too hot or too cold. You can buy a heat sensor or special plug that changes colour if the bath water is too hot, which can prevent scalding. You can also buy plugs that that the bath if the water level gets too high.

The person may feel reassured if they can feel the water with their hands before getting into the bath or stepping into the shower.

Deep bath water can make some people feel worried. You can reassure them by making sure the bath water is shallow, or by setting up a bath seat for them to use.

Some people find the rush of water from an overhead shower frightening or disorientating. A hand-held shower attachment may work better and will make it easier to clean all over.

Make items such as towels and dressing gowns easy to see by choosing colours that contrast – a green towel will be easier to see than a white one if the walls are white.

You may need to remove locks from the bathroom door, or replace them with locks that can be opened from the outside. Someone with dementia may lock themselves in and be unable to get out.

Lock away cleaning products, medications, nail scissors and razors. The person may not be able to recognise that these are potentially harmful.

Before washing, discuss and put out what the person will wear after they wash, either nightwear or their outfit for the day. This means they can change more quickly, so they spend less time in a damp towel.

Visual prompts can also be helpful. For example, you could hand the person the soap at the point when they would normally wash, put the toothpaste onto the toothbrush for them or hold out a towel when it’s time for them to dry themselves.

If they seem shy, embarrassed or reluctant, think about their personal space and privacy. Try uncovering only the part of their body that you are washing. A towel or robe can be useful for this.

Try to use toiletries that the person is used to and avoid any that are unnecessary.

Gena / Touch Matters

Dementia is a strange disease. What you see and experience, depends upon what parts of the brain are damaged, no 2 dementia patients are exactly alike.

My Mom didn't like to keep trash, however, she couldn't remember what something was for and just threw it out. She was into simplification, thinking that in simplifying her life, it would be easier for her to deal with life and in addition to that, help us deal with her stuff after she died. So she started giving stuff away and tossing things out, including money, anything people gave to her later in life, old recipes that she developed, etc.

However, there was another lady in her senior day care who kept everything, dirty napkins, spoons, forks, etc. Every day, they had to empty her purse. She felt no remorse and really had no idea who had put all those things in her purse. She just knew that when the purse was light, it meant she was close to leaving the day care.

As for bathing, the fear of falling and slipping and hurting oneself is huge. We ended up putting a chair in her shower, and converting the overhead shower to one that was hand-held. Now she didn't have to worry about falling or getting water in her eyes, and she could direct the water where she wanted it. Because she no longer had the strength to twist the faucet to turn on the water (she had the single on/off with the temperature set type of faucet), once we helped her into the shower and onto the chair, we turned on the water and let her go at it. Later on, she didn't wash herself well enough. Therefore, after she washed herself, we did it over again, especially her feet and legs where she could not reach, turned off the water and ensured she got out of the shower safely.

So all I can say is try different tactics and find one that works. If that means you have to be there for the bath, then be there.

Good luck to you and your journey.

Cocooo, as to why some elders do not like to showers. It's very exhausting. Hubby and I are pushing 80, and a simple shower is like a day at the gym.


Another reason is that some elder become claustrophobic. Thus the glass doors/shower curtain can feel too enclosed, and panicky.


And the fear of falling. Some soaps have moisturizers which can make the tub mat slippery.


In between showers, use baby wipes. Find one that has a pleasant smell. Just don't flush down the toilet.