I have been at my parents home for over a year caring for my Mom who is in later stage 6 of Alzheimers dementia. For some reason memories of my Mom when she was well seem to fade away, she was a good mother and grandmother. My husband passed fairly young with leukemia and I can remember everything about him when he was well.
I'm just wondering if anyone has an idea why this would be.
Thanks so much
And then you say "for some reason" you're finding it hard to access your much, much happier memories of your mother. For some reason? Can't think why?
Give me a minute to think of a parallel. I know.
If you were in the dentist's chair having root canal treatment, do you think you'd remember at that moment all the nice things you'd enjoyed eating and the great photos of your smile?
This part of your mother's life is important, too, and it has value of its own. But ohmygoodness it is not fun, and it can be very difficult to see beyond what is happening.
Your perspective will come back. You will recover from the trauma of your mother's disease. But it can take a long time, and especially depending on how the caregiving goes. Do you have practical and emotional support? Are you also looking after your father, or is he mainly independent?
I think maybe it's the mental confusion part mostly which has gone on gradually for maybe 9 years that it is so difficult to remember how she was when she was well.
My husband was only sick 8 months before passing of acute leukemia and was still very alert. My children are grown and gone and with my husband gone there is no reason to stay by myself and I am a retired nurse so did this for a living. My sister is also here so is a big help.
Just odd, I remember every tiny thing about my husband and continue to grief for him to this day even at 8 years out so maybe another reason not to be in my own home.
I still am having difficulty remembering the good times - I am 66 and the last year of my Moms life is still in the forefront of my memory about her. We had a great relationship, I was an only child, she was also my best friend, yet those good times faded far from my mind. People say “it takes time”, yet, even at holidays, I can’t seem to bring up those good memories. My father is still living with us and we hardly talk about her even though she was a wonderful force in our lives. So, I don’t buy the idea that it’ll come back - two years later, and it’s not happening for me. Wish I could have given you more hope.