My father will be 72 in April. He lives at home in Illinois, and my sister lives with him, though not for any care needs - it just worked out like that. He travels regularly to visit his other children, and after a three month visit to Florida, he is now staying with me.
In 2018 he was diagnosed with vascular dementia. This process took about a year, and it involved several visits to a neurologist and several tests. Basically, what I have been told is that his MRI showed his brain has shrunk and that it appeared he has suffered several mini-strokes.
My sister in Illinois is the one who started the testing with the doctor, mostly because she noticed that he would get very upset at times when having a conversation. She also noticed that he would take longer to gather his thoughts when he was speaking. He is now on medication and is doing well.
Overall, if you didn't now my father's diagnosis, you may just chalk up some of his behaviors to aging. But, the question I have is what we should be doing as children to help our father as he ages. Is there a checklist out there that tells us what to do? We could really use something like that. :-)
As his condition progresses, when do we get an estate plan done? What is an estate plan? When do we get a power of attorney? I know that I can find out some of this stuff on the internet, but I need a resource on how to do this with/for my father. I'm just not sure where to start and what sites have the best information. Any help would be greatly appreciated.
My parents had Wills and Power of Attorneys, but the paperwork was older than dirt, and no longer applied. What a relief to have had everything updated.
Your Dad needs to have a Medical Power of Attorney, someone who can make decision for him regarding medical care. He needs to have a Financial Power of Attorney to help him handle his bills and any other financial items. One person can be both POA's.
Your Dad would only need to have what is called a Revocable Trust if he has a lot of financial assets. The Trust avoids Probate. Probate could take over a year before everything can be distributed to the heirs, depending on the backlog at the Court House.
My parent also had what is called a Medical Directive. This spells out what measures the parent wants when it comes to medical issues. That was so helpful when my parents were going down that final road. I knew they didn't want extra measures taken. So I was following their wishes.
I know it is tough to talk about this, but what are your Dad's last wishes? Does he want a funeral? Does he have a cemetery plot? I remember my Dad telling me he wanted to be buried in Iowa, ok Dad, thanks for narrowing that down :P Ah, need more information, Dad.
I had put together a "red" 3-ring binder where I wrote out questions, and had my Dad answer them. And that notebook was placed where it could be easily found. It even had the car title to Dad's car, so when we donated it, no digging through a lot of file cabinets looking for the title.
You could certainly visit with a physician familiar with the sequence of vascular dementia. There will be what are called "step downs' when suddenly he will seem worse. Then if he lives long enough, it will normally cause balance issues as well as incontinence. Read up on it so you know what is coming and what questions to ask.
He may need to move to assisted living if he can afford it and the family can't continue to provide in home care. He may or may not need memory care. My dad has VD but didn't require memory care. IT wasn't until he fell and suffered a bad femur fracture that he had to transfer to the nursing home in his building.
All these things are long range planning but it is good you are thinking of the future now so you can be prepared. Very smart of you.
Another thing the first uncle mentioned above suggested was getting a dozen copies of the death certificate at the time of death because several will be needed and it's cheaper and easier to get them all at the same time.
I have a few questions for you though.
Is your Dad a Veteran? If so the VA can help a lot. The Veterans commission office ( located in Woodstock)can help with some of the paperwork.
Your Dad may do well in Adult Day Care, if not now then later.
If your Dad is a Veteran and has any other medical conditions depending on where and when he served he may qualify for a bit of help or a lot of help depending on the situation.
you will find that the decline with Vascular Dementia is like going down stairs with landings. The decline will progress then stop for a while then begin again. Some of the declines can be pretty drastic others not so much.
If the house he is in is not handicap accessible it might be worth looking into making it such, if you plan on keeping him in the home.
This is a long and difficult journey, one I would not have been able to do without the help of the VA as well as JourneyCare Hospice.
Get into a good support Group.
But do contact an Elder Care Lawyer