Follow
Share

Our loved ones can get obsessed on some things. One thing my mother gets obsessed about is laxatives. She's not content with something like Miralax. She wants the heavy duty X-lax, which as you know is not good for her. She thinks if she doesn't use the bathroom each day, then she needs a laxative. I tell her no. She follows me around the house, pleading first, then yelling at me. I often end up having to leave the house. Laxatives make her stay up all night pooping, cause a mess in the bathroom, and sometimes blow out in other areas of the house.

This evening I said no. She'd been to the bathroom many times this week. I really believes that for some reason she just likes to take laxatives. It puts me in a spot, like letting her do something she wants to do, even if it is bad for her and causes a mess.

I guess what you could say she is doing is bullying me into giving her laxatives. I don't like being bullied. I like to be able to say no and have it mean something.

What would you do in this situation if your mother liked to take laxatives? Would you just give in and let her do what she wants? Or would you hold off and go through the bad mouthing trying to make you cave in? My mother is nearly 90 now, but no where near death as far as I can tell.

This question has been closed for answers. Ask a New Question.
My late mother would not take Immodium (when she needed it because she was pooping on the BR floor every day). She swore up and down it bound her up. I would get up for the day and really have to urinate badly, but b4 that I had to wipe down the the toilet seat from poop and the floor, too. Bless her heart (although she would not give me the truth) I think a couple times she had not made it to the toilet in time because I saw her underpants handwashed and drying on towel rack. I hope when I get to that stage I tell MY daughter "yea, I crapped my pants!!" LOL!
Helpful Answer (0)
Report

The doctor should say if your mother needs a laxative. Also maybe it's time to seek medical advice regarding her obsessive behaviors. Good luck.
Helpful Answer (1)
Report

I had the opposite problem. Mom didn't want to go. Claimed her green tea made her go and wouldn't drink it. (She drank it all the time in her home). Couldn't get it thru her head she would dehydrate herself. Which is a problem with her. When she is in the hospital, if she doesn't go everyday they start pumping her with stool softens and laxatives. I tell them she doesn't go everyday. They cause more problems than help and not good for them. Once they get something in their head, u can't change their mind. If giving laxatives causes a mess don't give them to her. She may not be able to hold it anymore. Moms dr told me not to worry unless she hadn't gone two or three days then give her Phillips. It comes in pills now.
Helpful Answer (1)
Report

Now, I know this is going to sound mean but I did what I had to do to get my Aunt (95) to hear me. I told her I put Miralax in her morning coffee every day, which I actually do. I adjust the dose based on how her BMs were yesterday, per doctor. When she first moved in she wouldn't drink water. So, after taking an additional laxative and blowing out the bathroom, herself and part of her bedroom, I just told her no more. If she couldn't do what needed to be done (drink water) to keep her BM's regular, then that was her problem. And, if by not drinking water she became constipated and had to take something else, then SHE could clean up the mess she made all by herself. These days she doesn't remember whether or not she's had a BM so I just tell her yes when she asks. Or I tell her I've already given her something. This calms her down. She thinks if she has gas she's constipated. But she doesn't hound me or yell at me. Maybe if you keep saying No or tell a little white lie, she will calm down. She will keep pushing you as long as you give in once in a while....just like a child. Oh, tell her the doctor has prescribed something different than the blue pills because its much stronger. And find something else to stand in for that medicine. Maybe that would help.
Helpful Answer (3)
Report

I have chocolate bites that are calcium & vitamin D vitamins. You can eat up to 2 a day. Maybe if you give her one she will think its a lax. If she gives you more grief, give her another. But not more than 2 a day.
Helpful Answer (2)
Report

Veronica, Thanks, would you believe I first had to google extra-strength ex-lax to see what they looked like. Then I found these bulk blue candies that Jude recommended. Then, I downloaded the photo as my avatar.

Here ya go, Jessebelle! Fake, candied ex-lax!!
Helpful Answer (4)
Report

I love everyone's enthusiasm with the placebo options. However. Depending on how far along her mother's dementiac is, she'll likely know it's candy if it's sweet. See I'm able to get away with giving my mom dark chocolate only because exlax tastes like dark chocolate candy.

So i would just say the blue exlax aren't blue anymore Mom. They revamped them. I'd opt for a harmless but needed vitamin supplement. Put it in a bottle and tape the exlax cover art to the bottle. Heck! Print a fake exlax label on a color printer and tape that to the bottle.
Helpful Answer (1)
Report

NYDaughterInLaw - I love the movie The Birdcage - it's brilliant and there is not a bad performance from the wonderful cast. And yes, it's been a while since I've been to a mall but there use to be a store called Sweet Favtory that merchandised their candies in large vertical clear tubes that emptied into bins - and they merchandised by color, so if they are still in business there should be s ton on blue options. Still - I'm not sure this is the best route to take. As hard as just saying "no" is - in the long run I think it's the best and safest way to go. Who knows? Maybe if you can get "no" to finally work in this instance it can start a new trend.
Helpful Answer (2)
Report

Blue M&Ms? Do you have a candy store near you? If blue M&Ms aren't the right color blue, see what they have at the candy store. And watch the movie "The Birdcage" - when you get to the part about the "pirin tablets" you'll understand. The placebo effect is very powerful!
Helpful Answer (1)
Report

Send you don't need a PDR these days just Google the name of a pill and it comes up picture and all. I have found though that some of the generic colors get changed without notice. As far as the bubble packed pills are concerned tell Mom you brought the extra large bottle because they are cheaper and easier to get out of the bottle.
For further deception at least at Walmart labels on pill bottles can be cleanly pulled off intact so you could replace a prescription by putting the label on an OTC bottle of something else. This would be useful if your LO still has control of their meds and is overdosing on narcotics. Not something i would actually recommend so no one bother to send me nasty messages but as the saying goes"any port in a storm"
Helpful Answer (1)
Report

Crumbs. I am now beginning to think I was a total pills-Nazi with my mother. She had boxes and boxes of o.t.c. medications - stoppers, starters, miracle cures of one sort or another. I'm afraid I ruthlessly went through the lot and binned them. She needed none of them, and quite a lot had expired - or that was my excuse, anyway.

On the plus side, JessieBelle, if you get rid of all this garbage you'll be able to tell your mother truthfully "oh no, what a shame, sorry, we haven't got any. I'll stock up next time I go to the pharmacy." And keep forgetting to get them when you go to the pharmacy.
Helpful Answer (2)
Report

Jude said,
"Use blue dragees or blueberry jelly beans but google blue sweets and select images then find the one that most closely resembles the tablets mum takes - there are zillions of them out there and even more so in the run up to halloween"

The punch out pills are only covered with a thin aluminum foil, which can be glued over the holes in one sheet after the excitingly covert operation of switching out the bad with the good. Good luck Jesse!
Helpful Answer (0)
Report

Blue skittles? That would be a great placebo,,,,then you could eat all the other colors when you need a sugar rush? :)
Helpful Answer (2)
Report

My mom actually had bad constipation and when she'd get impacted and leak around it she'd grab the Lomotil. Bad idea there.

The irritant type laxatives like senna and phenophtalein (Ex-Lax) are not the best as you can get insensitive to them. Miralax or good old fashioned MOM is absolutely a better bet, since they act on motility and osmotically, if you can't get it done with fluid and fiber. Probiotics are a great idea. If someone is fussing about taking Miralax, put it in whatever, stir it, let it sit a few minutes and stir it a second time to get rid of any potential grittiness - it really should be tasteless and undetectable for the most part.
Helpful Answer (2)
Report

Some probiotic pills come in punch-out packaging.
Helpful Answer (3)
Report

Yes, they are the punch-out variety. I'd have to find something that would fool her -- the new and improved stuff. It won't matter what color they are as long as they look legitimate enough.
Helpful Answer (0)
Report

The blue ones eh, she has to go straight for the extra strength version! Aren't your ex-lax in the kind of packs where you have to punch out each individual pill? It would be kind of hard to fake that, unless you can convince her they changed the packaging.
Helpful Answer (0)
Report

Brilliant idea, babygagirl. I am going to look for the perfect new ExLax. I have the box. I'll just have to figure out what will fool her.

A few years back she was ordering so many boxes of laxatives I was concerned. One day I counted and she had taken 18 of the max strength pills on that day alone! Lord a mercy. I took the laxatives away and also head them off when they come in from the drug store. Doctors have warned her and I've warned her, but manually taking them away was the only solution.

I am going to be looking around for the perfect substitute. Fiber pills sound like the best bet. She needs more fiber, anyway. But the pills have to be small enough to fool her. I don't know if her doctor would prescribe a placebo. Her doctor is pretty meh and believes she can talk to her to make things work. That is only effective in the office and is quickly forgotten. I don't think her doctor seriously realizes that my mom has dementia. Talking to her doesn't work.
Helpful Answer (2)
Report

Uh oh, looking for little blue pills matching a laxative. Aren't lomotil similar? Lomotil is for diarrhea.
Caregivers, weigh in-there must be matching blue pills?
I no longer have a PDR, which had pictures of pills.

Knowing you, Jessebelle, you're going to have to have the pharmacist do the substitution of placebo, because you don't have it in you to be tricky.

There are also many other safer ways to keep her regular. Ask the doc.
Helpful Answer (0)
Report

For that I'd work with the pharmacy to make sure they are aware of her dementia and that they are to take no orders from her. Then I'd tell her they discontinued the blue ones or changed them. That's how i get around my mom's gaviscon infatuation. I told her they changed them. I give her certs instead. Of course if she eats something spicy i give her a real rolaids or zantac. So in your case, is there a vitamin supplement she has to take anyway? I'd substitute it for the revamped exlax. That's what i do for my mom's tylenol infatuation. She has to take 4 potassium and one calcium a day anyway. So they replace the tylenol. I take her bp 3 times a day and if it's up I'd give her a real Tylenol. Again i discussed this with her doctor and she was cool with my plan of action.
Helpful Answer (2)
Report

BTW - earlier today someone revived an old thread about why the elderly become obsessed with having a bowel movement- maybe it was you - I didn't read through to the most recent post. Anyhow - if it wasn't you, you might take a peek at it. It shouldn't be too far back in the line-up.
Helpful Answer (1)
Report

The laxatives are dangerous. Since Mom loves to go to the doctor, ask the doc to prescribe a placebo. That way, anything you can match to the chocolate ex-lax over the counter can be used without guilt. Thinking there is a chewable chocolate calcium?
I say they are dangerous, because women from your mother's generation used them to keep their weight down. Overuse and dependency can cause (among other things) weakness, leading to falls, confusion, fearful and anxious behaviors.

My neighbor (who only lasted here about 6 months,) took too many, fell, was taken away by 911, and because of these behaviors was placed in board and care for mental illness. (That is the greatly simplified version). Of course the laxatives were not the only problem, and I don't want to scare you Jesse. But what you have described about your Mom is similar to the behaviors of my neighbor, for the short time I tried to help her.
I don't want you to endure abuse, so changing out the laxatives may work, but only delay the inevitable that she might need more care by professionals. Hoping you can endure long enough to have your plans for her work out.
Because of possible condition, a yelling match or saying NO may not work. If anyone (not necessarily your Mom) has narcissism, borderline personality disorder, or bipolar II, this could lead to what others have described as: "she will go scortch the earth", or start aggressive behaviors aimed at you.
You are right to ask your caregiver friends on here who have more experience with what you are going through. You need to be safe, while also protecting your Mom.
If anyone can find a solution, you can! Somehow, gaining her cooperation is always ideal. I know what it is like when your person chooses not to cooperate. Fortunately, that did not last long in my home.
Taking deep breaths, not becoming unsettled because of her, keeping your head on straight, all that can help you. Many many hugs, Jessebelle.
Helpful Answer (6)
Report

If saying "no" makes your life harder than having to clean up a blow-out...well, I'm speechless!
Helpful Answer (4)
Report

My mother likes the max strength laxative that comes in the little blue pills. It would be hard to find something like them that was packaged the same way. This evening I stuck to my guns and she did take some Miralax. She really didn't need a laxative at all, but she's obsessed with having BMs every day. When she does a laxative, she does multiple BMs and it isn't pleasant. Smelly and messy. I have a hard time keeping the bathroom clean. The blowout last week was so gross I don't want to even think about it.

One problem is that she can't remember that she pooped. She might go several times one day, but the next day she'll say that she hasn't been in 2-3 days. If I don't give her a laxative, she'll call the drug store to deliver a package. I actually think she gets some gratification from the laxatives.

The hardest thing about saying no is that it makes my life so hard. So I get torn between what is the right thing to do medically and the quality of my own life.
Helpful Answer (4)
Report

"Her" focus. Not grrr focus. Wasn't growling at ya... autocorrect sucks...
Helpful Answer (2)
Report

I' can give you ty solution based on first hand knowledge. My mom was doing the exact same thing! Grrr focus was exlax, tyleniol, and gaviscon. After discussing with her doctor, i have been giving her miralax in her morning water, She doesn't even notice. I bought dark chocolate bars and used an exacto knife to cut them into small bars which I keep in a storage bowl in the fridge. Whenever she asks for exlax voila! Dark chocolate!!!
Helpful Answer (7)
Report

JessieBelle- there is only one way I'd let her take the laxative and that would be if she would take care of the whole deal - getting herself in and out of the bathroom and more importantly- cleaning up any mess involved. Cleaning up a blow-out is a horrendous thing to have to deal with - Rainman has had more than his fair share due to complications from having a significant length of his intestine remove due to perforation and then infection. The slightest deviation from his specific diet plan can be disastrous - it has taken me years to fine tune his eating to avoid this. I've gotten use to a lot of things I never imagined I could but washing diarreha out of someone else's private parts remains something that just makes me gag! So no - step away from the laxative!
Helpful Answer (6)
Report

Ahh gheez, I don't know about Laxatives, but my FIL obsesses about food items, and (because he is a Narcissistic and care about no-one but himself) will send my husband to the store EVERY SINGLE DAY, to pick up whatever is the latest thing he is obsessed about eating. Currently it is potato salad from the deli, cheetos, and chicken Mcnuggets. He will eat these things day in and day out, and this is after he's sent hubby to the bank 2-3 X per week, to get out a hudred dollars in 5 dollar bills. He sends him to the store for whatever he wants, pays out in 5 dollar bills, and then puts his hands out for his change. Its pathetic, and driving my husband Crazy! I know, I know, my husband could decline to go for him, but this man has nothing else to live for other than the few things he requests, and bossing my husband around, and he rarely ever says thank you. Hubby's had it, is constantly stressed, and is about to throw his hands up, after 13 years in our home. I stay out of it, or I get dragged into the middle. Hubby does not find it worth the bother to fight him on it and is resigned to giving in, rather than fight him daily. I guess that in some way he's entitled to eat whatever it is that he chooses, but if it were my fight, I would put my foot down to two trips per week, End Of, but it's not my fight. His Dad does pay room and board, and is provided 3 meals per day, and is included in the meal planning as he wishes, or meals brought to him as we do order in a couple of times a week, it's just that he fixates on these weird things that he does enjoy. Can't win!
Helpful Answer (3)
Report

It is easy to say this since I'm not in the spot, but I think I'd hold my ground.

When my mother was quitting smoking via a long transition with e-ciggs she'd often beg, plead, insist, etc. that I go get her some real smokes. She did this with all the children she spent time with. And certainly the daughter she lived with! But we all just said no. (Our concern was all the holes she burned in furniture and clothing, not so much her health in her late 80s!) I know this isn't quite the same, and I realize it is easy to say I'd stand my ground, but who knows what I'd actually do?

Whatever you do, JessieBelle, don't be hard on yourself. You don't have total control over your mother!
Helpful Answer (3)
Report

Could you give your Mom something that isn't a laxative but she thinks that it is? Or would she know the difference? Makes me wonder if she just like the chocolate taste of x-lax. Look for something that is chocolate with a similar size.
Helpful Answer (7)
Report

This question has been closed for answers. Ask a New Question.
Ask a Question
Subscribe to
Our Newsletter