Seems I am always on this site for advice. I now have another dilemma.
My 95 yr old mother with dementia??, bad eyesight, poor decision making, bad knees, trouble walking and loses her balance from time to time.
I moved in with her over 7 yrs ago, after my father passed. She wanted to stay in her house, begged me not to put her in a nursing home. After all she did for us growing up, I didn’t see a problem.
She fell again early Sunday morning. Trying to get to the bathroom at 5:30am, she had her walker until she thought she could make it the rest of the way holding on to other objects. She got as far as her dresser, reached for it so she could use it to get around the wall, to grab her vanity, to get to the toilet. She must have misjudged and she went down. She only uses the walker until she can hold onto things for stability. She says she forgets the walker. The only time she uses it is when she doesn’t have anything else to hang onto. So, this brings us to the latest problem. She can’t get her walker into her bathroom unless that door is taken off the hinges. So I told her that I took her door off. She is to take her walker into the bathroom and not to be relying on other things for stability. She seemed ok with that until this morning. She was going in to take a shower and wanted the door put back on so she could use the heaters to warm the bathroom. She has a 1. ceramic heater on her vanity,2. her shower fan also has a heater, plus 3. the furnace I told her with all 3 running her bathroom would be warm enough for her. Now she says that she will call her brother to put the door back on. I told her it is not going back on. She said she will not take a shower until it is put back on. I told her that was her choice. So now she is really mad. Not talking to me. And I imagine she will tell me again to pack my bags and get out. She has always been a princess, always gotten her way. But after her last fall that she damaged her eye, cut her face and had to have stitches, spend overnight in the hospital, the squad coming to get her off the floor, I told her this is for the best and the door stays off!
This woman has to be in charge, and she fights every decision I make. Everyday is a battle. She has NO reasoning skills left. I do not even recognize this woman. If she knew how she was acting and how combative she is, she would be so upset with herself.
This is just the tip of the iceberg.
My question to everyone. How would you handle this situation? Just give in? No matter what I think is the safest thing for her is, just let her do whatever she wants, no matter the danger?
The last time she fell the squad came. Gave me instructions on how to safe proof her room so that she could maneuver around her room with the walker.
I really do not want them coming back to see I haven’t followed their instructions.
Does anyone have any suggestions?
She still gets privacy, heat stays in the bathroom, and you can get in if she falls. It only takes a few minutes to put up and see how it works out.
Can you put up a railing along the wall that she can use for balance?
Because you don't mention dementia as being an issue, I can offer this comfort: your mother is not angry with you. She is angry that she needs residential care.
But you can deduce that she accepts the fact: if she really thought she'd do better at home, if she was hell-bent on getting back there, no one could actually stop her!