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Who are you caring for?
Which best describes their mobility?
How well are they maintaining their hygiene?
How are they managing their medications?
Does their living environment pose any safety concerns?
Fall risks, spoiled food, or other threats to wellbeing
Are they experiencing any memory loss?
Which best describes your loved one's social life?
Acknowledgment of Disclosures and Authorization
By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington. Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services. APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid. We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour. APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment. You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints. Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights. APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.I agree that: A.I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information"). B.APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink. C.APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site. D.If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records. E.This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year. F.You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
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Mostly Independent
Your loved one may not require home care or assisted living services at this time. However, continue to monitor their condition for changes and consider occasional in-home care services for help as needed.
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Depending on how far along they are it may be better not to tell them . If they are just forgetful in early stage and are aware they are having a problem , may ask what is wrong and they may accept the diagnosis .
Often though by the time it is diagnosed , the elderly is too far along to recognize there is anything wrong , they are stubborn , not easy to reason with . In these cases, don’t bother telling them . They will deny it , possibly get very angry and upset , only for them to forget you told them anyway . Then there is no point .
A friend of mine was diagnosed and wanted to know every detail and what would help her to manage as her dementia progressed. She accepted it with grace.
My mother (99) who now rarely recognizes me, fluctuates in her mind from being a teen to old, has no idea the year nor town, asks for her parents, still insists she is fine. I tried explain that, just as our eyesight is worsening and we both wear glasses, her brain is no longer as reliable as it once was. She accused me of gaslighting her. Demanded to know who was paying me to make her think she was losing her mind. Our relationship took a hard hit.
Decide carefully whether or not there is any benefit to opening that can of worms.
I have not and never will. A meningioma was discovered during one of her scans and I have not told her about that and I never will. Her cardiac ejection fraction is now 15% lower than it was in January. I have not told her about it and I never will.
Nothing good can come of it in my/her situation. We can't change anything and I don't want her to be fearful or anxious. She has finally seemed to settle in board & care after so many weeks and months of crying and begging to "go home" and she truly seems comfortable now both physically and mentally. I just tell her she's doing okay and we all forget things sometimes. Many times she is very aware she is not thinking clearly and I reassure her she's doing really good for 91. When she has delusions I just go along with them. ("You went to the mall? Well, that's good that you got out of the house today.") If they were causing fear or anxiety, I'd employ a different tactic.
I don't know what stage your LO is with their dementia but if they're not in charge of their own care or financials anymore, I don't see a point in it.
My mother had a fit when I told her she was diagnosed with dementia. She said I was "full of sh$!" and so were the doctors, there was nothing wrong with her at all. She maintained that position all throughout her stay in Memory Care Assisted Living until the day she died at 95 with advanced dementia. This is known as anosognosia, the inability to recognize or acknowledge ones deficits.
My FIL asked what the results of his cog test was. When he was told he flipped out , and proclaimed “ My mind is as sharp as ever and I’m independent “.
All we heard until the day he died was that he did not belong in assisted living , there was “ nothing wrong with him “. He was “ independent” . I hate the word “ independent “ now.
We did not tell our step-mother, just told her that due to her age she could no longer live alone, she accepted this, first in AL and when we had to move her to MC.
Me, I would just drop it, her brain is broken thus her ability to reason and make good decisions is gone.
Neither of my parents were told they had dementia. There was no point. Stay away from the topic, and if it comes up, you can say something like, “As we get older, our brains slow down, but that’s okay. Let’s have some cake before we walk the dog,”
It depends on lots of things - what is the purpose of the discussion; i.e. what do you hope it will do -- lead to some sort of change? It also depends on how far into dementia the individual is; if the diagnosis has been confirmed by a neurologist, then your loved one has a 'broken brain', as you will see dementia referred to on this site. He or she will likely not be able to understand what you say or will be defensive or dismissive. Or the topic will be forgotten immediately after the 'discussion' is over. It's difficult, if not impossible, to have a reasonable, logical conversation with someone with dementia. So sorry you are having to deal with this.
My Mom's PCP did an excellent job of having this discussion with my Mom, even though I didn't ask her to do it. If you can get the doc to break the news (which they should), then we are not "the bad guys". I purposely chose an older doctor when my prior Internist retired. My new one will probably retire soon herself but her experience and wisdom so far has been worth it.
Have they had a diagnosis of dementia? If not and it is speculation a simple (not so simple) MME at the doctors office can start. The question is if there is a good possibility that the diagnosis is dementia would you want to put them through a series of tests that are possibly scary, they may have to be sedated for? And if they are past the early/mid stage is there really any medication that will help slow the decline? The real questions are: Who can legally make decisions for them? Do you have POA? Can they make decisions now or has it passed the point where an attorney will allow them to sign legal documents. (If they can't you may have to go the Guardian route) If there is a diagnosis of dementia, and even if there isn't where will they live if it becomes unsafe for them to live alone? ( the unsafe can be for any number of reasons not just dementia. ) If they already have a diagnosis if they can express their wishes get things going so legally you are able to make decisions when they can't. If they are able to understand and express their wishes then talk about the What If's, if they do not understand and have lost capacity then there is no use talking about the What If's.
Thank you so much. My sisters and I have been taking care of dad and now mom, me from afar. It's amazing how fast dementia can deteriorate. We have rapidly moved to: driver's license taken away, can't maintain calendar, she is canceling/resched her and dad's medical appts daily! Wants to move large amounts of money around... She has been diagnosed, angry at us.. refuses to do anything meds, my sisters are just now reacting to finances even though she has given POA to one. But only helps if she can't communicate. She doesn't want to give financial control to just ONE person.. Of course it all peaks at once. Luckily there are 3 of us and we divide: finance, healthcare, other. Logic doesn't work anymore. Decisions change every 5 minute! You can be the best daughter, then the worst. My tip to all is: plan ahead and for everything! No one will want to hear the words Dementia or Alzheimers.. All you can do is try to be helpful. Don't control... they become paranoid.. Choose your battles. Realize when logic fails... you literally have to be strategic if there is a problem. So sad and heartbreaking and hard!
By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington.
Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services.
APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid.
We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour.
APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment.
You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints.
Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights.
APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.
I agree that:
A.
I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information").
B.
APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink.
C.
APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site.
D.
If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records.
E.
This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year.
F.
You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
Often though by the time it is diagnosed , the elderly is too far along to recognize there is anything wrong , they are stubborn , not easy to reason with . In these cases, don’t bother telling them . They will deny it , possibly get very angry and upset , only for them to forget you told them anyway . Then there is no point .
A friend of mine was diagnosed and wanted to know every detail and what would help her to manage as her dementia progressed. She accepted it with grace.
My mother (99) who now rarely recognizes me, fluctuates in her mind from being a teen to old, has no idea the year nor town, asks for her parents, still insists she is fine. I tried explain that, just as our eyesight is worsening and we both wear glasses, her brain is no longer as reliable as it once was. She accused me of gaslighting her. Demanded to know who was paying me to make her think she was losing her mind. Our relationship took a hard hit.
Decide carefully whether or not there is any benefit to opening that can of worms.
Nothing good can come of it in my/her situation. We can't change anything and I don't want her to be fearful or anxious. She has finally seemed to settle in board & care after so many weeks and months of crying and begging to "go home" and she truly seems comfortable now both physically and mentally. I just tell her she's doing okay and we all forget things sometimes. Many times she is very aware she is not thinking clearly and I reassure her she's doing really good for 91. When she has delusions I just go along with them. ("You went to the mall? Well, that's good that you got out of the house today.") If they were causing fear or anxiety, I'd employ a different tactic.
I don't know what stage your LO is with their dementia but if they're not in charge of their own care or financials anymore, I don't see a point in it.
I never brought it up again. There was no point.
Good luck to you.
My FIL asked what the results of his cog test was. When he was told he flipped out , and proclaimed “ My mind is as sharp as ever and I’m independent “.
All we heard until the day he died was that he did not belong in assisted living , there was “ nothing wrong with him “. He was “ independent” . I hate the word “ independent “ now.
Me, I would just drop it, her brain is broken thus her ability to reason and make good decisions is gone.
If not and it is speculation a simple (not so simple) MME at the doctors office can start. The question is if there is a good possibility that the diagnosis is dementia would you want to put them through a series of tests that are possibly scary, they may have to be sedated for?
And if they are past the early/mid stage is there really any medication that will help slow the decline?
The real questions are:
Who can legally make decisions for them? Do you have POA? Can they make decisions now or has it passed the point where an attorney will allow them to sign legal documents. (If they can't you may have to go the Guardian route)
If there is a diagnosis of dementia, and even if there isn't where will they live if it becomes unsafe for them to live alone? ( the unsafe can be for any number of reasons not just dementia. )
If they already have a diagnosis if they can express their wishes get things going so legally you are able to make decisions when they can't.
If they are able to understand and express their wishes then talk about the What If's, if they do not understand and have lost capacity then there is no use talking about the What If's.