I have sat with a few elderly people and family members, I took care of my mother up til she passed from Dementia and Alzheimer's & now I am supposed to be doing live in caregiving for a friend's 77 year old larger framed mother who has broken her left ankle and has bad right knee. But her son is thinking that 24/7 day & night care is considered my room and board!? I help and assist with her bathroom time, sponge baths, and also I am cooking, cleaning & all laundry for not just her but her son & his girlfriend. I have no private room or bathroom or even closet or drawer space for my clothes. I am sleeping on a couch that she complained about it being tore up from me sleeping on it!? Help me please, I need to know what is best course of action to take for my own well being at this point, because I can't truly be expected to go 24/7 no time off no being able to go anywhere with out a conflict or a stressful conversation about it, with no monetary compensation!? I mean where does that leave me when my services are no longer needed, homeless, moneyless, carless & more???
To expect that kind of care plus the son and his GF is ridiculous, insulting to you, abusive and overbearing. Don't even consider this extra work.
This is what I call the Cinderella syndrome, absent the handsome prince who rescues Cinderella.
For your own well being, don't even get involved in this situation. Develop a sudden illness, or just tell them bluntly that you can't and won't provide services for 3 people. They're exploiting you, and this is really insulting to me.
If you want to do caregiving, establish YOUR standards, and market yourself on those terms.
I don't mean to insult you, but you might want to consider your own self image, and how you view yourself. You need to treat yourself with respect, and insist that others do as well. If caregiving is your chosen life's work, establish and stick to standards that don't abuse you.
If someone thinks that “room and board” is sufficient for 24/7/365 caregiving that is someone I would not want to work for.
You can not work 24/7/365. Typical “live in” hours are something like 4 days on 3 days off and it is not a 24 hour work day, there is breaks as well as at least 8 hours off.
Check your States Labor laws or you could even “google” the info.
But I stand by my advice to RUN from this.
Your “friend” is no friend if the implication is you are “supposed” to do this.
You got that RIGHT. That is your future if you continue on this path. So, get off the train. NOW.
First, you need to make a decision that you must stop letting people use and abuse you, and that you are a valuable person with ability to earn a decent living.
Second, you need to go get a real paying job, one that is enough for you to live on in your own little place, a small studio or apartment, or event a rented room in someone's home. For transportation, bus or train, or even a bike. This is temporary until you save enough to get a car.
Third, you need to think about what job you want to do to earn a better living, and what training or schooling you need to get there, and go get the necessary training/schooling, then go get a better job after that.
Good luck to you.
Please explain WHY are you in this situation?
You must be using the term “friend” very loosely, because they certainly shouldn’t be considered a “friend!”
I have a very short answer for you. LEAVE! GET OUT AND DON’T LOOK BACK!
Who is your friend? Is it the son?
How long have you been the live-in slave?
Do you really need to know what is the "best course of action to take" for your own wellbeing?
1. A "live in" Caregiver is an employee and as such gets paid at least the minimum wage. Taxes and SS get deducted, the employer matching the SS and sending the deductions to the appropriate tax department.
2. Caregiver gets a room of their own. This cannot be counted as part of your pay or can u be made to pay rent. Its a benefit.
3. Caregiver works the regular 40 hrs a week, time and a half for overtime. Time off which I think has been mentioned on the forum is 24 hrs.
4. Employer has to find someone to take up the slack when ur not available.
I may not be completely correct but you get the idea. I hope you have someplace to go because you are being used like a slave.
You go to your County labor board and get a copy of the law pertaining to your State. As I and others have said, you do not pay room and board. Sleeping on a couch is not acceptable, you get ur own space.
I have the feeling that no matter what you show these people, they won't go by the law anyway. They want it free. I so hope you have a place you can go because I would not be working for these people, period.
"PLease read the reply on one b4 this one, I am literally begging someone to break this stuff down so I can go to the family with this whole thread PLEASE"
Jewel, I don't want to criticize you, but from what I'm reading folks here are pretty much in agreement that the situation you describe is not only desirable, it could dangerous, and in my mind certainly is not healthy, realistic, or beneficial at all to you.
I have to ask, bluntly, WHY you need to "break" the data down for this family, which apparently is treating you like an indentured servant. Please, WHY, WHY??? Are you really that desperate? Have you contacted the county for help, or an agency that addresses abused women, which you certainly would be if you pursue an unhealthy situation?
I really do have fears for your own self esteem if you feel the need to justify what we're suggesting to you. Or is it that you feel you do need to justify to THEM why you shouldn't be in a financially and physically abusive situation?
Please, think seriously about this, and draw on self respect and self esteem.
Please tell me you are not afraid of getting these abusive people in trouble or of walking out or leaving that job.
Abuse is not just physical but emotional, psychological. What they are asking you to do, how they expect you to “work” is abuse, indentured servitude and it is NOT legal
How old are you?
Get out again, quick as you can. Where were you living before you took this so-called job?
Do whatever get yourself a ride to B’ham and a women’s shelter there. Make & set aside a few shelf stable sandwiches, fruit and clean clothes today & this week, make a sign or two and get out & hitchhike to B’ham. If you can mange to post on this site, you can research where shelters are, where emergency services are, what churches have outreach. But you have to, have to, get the f out of that backwater town.
You know towns like this dot the South…. there's no APS, no real law enforcement or health clinics. No social service agencies. Dirt floor housing in 2021. It’s astounding. You gotta leave to get beyond the sinkhole of a life there.