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Are there reasons here that you are not being forthcoming with any details on this? I am afraid that's not a great "look". So the question really is: ARE you taking money from your father in any way? Because if so, that is fairly reprehensible. Your father, by gifting you money, unless he is a multimillionaire, would preclude his own ability to get governmental help should he require it from Medicaid in the next five years.
Let your father alone financially. You will then need no attorney. And by the way, if you are trying to get money from your Dad, and if he is not absolutely competent mentally, you will need a CRIMINAL ATTORNEY for elder abuse. And since the POA has already warned you, it would be premeditated abuse. So better be a danged good attorney.
If your sister's PoA is active (meaning your Father now has a medical diagnosis of impairment) then the type of lawyer you will need is a good one.
Even if your Father seems mildly impaired or has some memory loss, it would be unconsciounable to keep asking for money OR accepting money he is giving you. Most likely (unless he has very robust means) he will need that money for his car in ithe near future.
How old are you that you are still taking money from your parent?
My guess is that you are a) living together (“we've lived in the same house for over 55 years”) with F paying the bills and b) you are accepting some ‘pocket money’ expenses, and perhaps some pay yourself because “I have no one to take him so I can have time alone or time off”.
If that is all that is going on (and your pay is modest), I think that both Geaton and Alva may be going a bit over the top in suggesting that it is either ‘reprehensible’ or ‘unconsciounable’. However you are NOT the POA. Why is the POA making threats? Most would be happy for a relatively cheap option that keeps the estate intact. On the other hand, some would be eager to sell the property and access the proceeds ASAP, instead of waiting for death (which may mean that the assets are split several ways). Bear in mind that we know nothing about the facts - for all we know, you may have a ruinous on-line gambling habit using F's credit card, which the POA is desperate to control. But I doubt it.
What does the POA want to happen if you get out of the way? To send F to a facility – with AL being self pay and NH requiring higher care needs? And what does F want? His dementia is worsening, but it sounds from your profile that he is not past the point of having some ideas of his own.
You might consider a) contacting APS to get confirmation that his care is adequate, and b) calling a lawyer yourself to try for an independent assessment of F’s preferences. The lawyer could also check whether F has the necessary legal understanding to consider cancelling the current POA and executing a new one. You might check out the terms of F’s will while you are about it.
Thinking some more about this, and your POA sister’s role in it, she may think that you have had an easy life because you have never (from the sound of it) had to earn your own living. Even if that is true, it isn’t a moral or criminal offense if that is what you and your father chose. He could spend his money on whatever he wanted, including racehorses rather than his stay-at-home daughter. I can see that it might make your sister angry if times have become tough for her, but that is not the point. In fact, this is the ‘wrong’ time for her to be angry, because as F deteriorates there is more to be glad about in terms of inheritance, and less to be jealous of.
The point is ‘extorting money’. Have you pocketed and kept a lot of money by pressuring F? Could she show that it was done unduly and unlawfully? If you haven’t, I’d suggest that you have a talk to her and to F about the future. Ignore the insults. She has no case.
Sister would need to convince the criminal prosecution to take the case on - with some evidence of 'extortion'. 'Extortion' may be real (we don't know) but it may just be an insult that sounds impressive.
I’ll post this answer to Alva, to avoid it getting lost in a long list. I’m concerned that these answers rush to worst case ‘extortion’ assumptions, based on NO evidence. A worried unsophisticated OP could find them quite scary. ‘What type of lawyer do I see if I think my sister will sue me?’ deserves a ‘wait and see’ answer, not something that is easily read as ‘you have to get a criminal defense lawyer’. That’s a wrong answer anyway, mixing up a civil suit with a criminal charge. But why assume the worst?
I think it is fair to seek information: I asked if the OP was asking her father for money. I didn't get an answer. As I said, this OP's question depends upon father's competency. If he is competent he may give any amount to anyone for any reason and the POA sister can say nothing about it.
If the father is INCOMPETENT and feels pressured to give, then the POA daughter is obligated as POA to question the sister and ask her to stop trying to access the dad's funds.
The word "extortion" was not mine. It was used by the OP. I merely asked her a question, and assumed nothing. She never answered.
I also answered the question in the heading: I said that the OP should, if she requires an attorney, make that a criminal attorney. Which is the kind of attorney she would require if accusations come forth.
Second time today I was accused of being judgmental. I freely own that I am ABSOLUTELY JUDGEMENTAL; I do not buy into the current more "woke" thinking that judgment is bad. I intend to be making judgements about EVERYTHING after I have been dead six months! Because I think making judgements is a good thing. And that judgements are our private opinions formed of weighing facts. And I think OPINIONS are also good.
However, here I made no judgement because I have no facts. Nor has the OP returned to give any. Nor do I care that she does or doesn't.
I very much value your opinions Margaret. I always have. But I did not make any assumption here. I asked a question. And I posited that, if the OP is asking a father no longer competent for money, it is my opinion that she shouldn't. It is ALSO my judgement and opinion that our own disagreements were better addressed perhaps in private messages, rather than taking up the OP's space with our arguments. Just my humble opinion. You are free to do it here. But in future I will respond privately ;).
My question is, why does sister think you are extorting money? Do you live with Dad? Are you caring for him? Is he competent to make his own decisions? Knowing answers will get you better replies. If Dad is competent, the POA is not invoked.
OPs father has dementia, and the sister has POA as explained in another, older post by KDinMD60.
I am caring for my father Hans, who is 87 years old, living at home with age-related decline, alzheimer's / dementia, depression, hearing loss, incontinence, mobility problems, and sleep disorder.
From Ops profile :
About Me I take care of my 87 year old father. He is still able to take care of his bathing and toilet but is incontinent. He also has some sort of dementia that is getting steadily worse. He has been mixing up the past and the present lately. Thinking that an incident happened, "yesterday" or "last week," when in reality it happened 20 or more years ago. We've lived in the same house for over 55 years and he can't remember where the plates, glasses etc are.
I have no one to take him so I can have time alone or time off. It is taking a bad toll on me. I am nasty and waspish. I don't want to be but don't know what to do about it.
OP, how can you get money to care for dad if he doesn't give you some???? Does your sister think life is free? See a lawyer for a consultation, maybe a Certified Elder Care attorney to start.
Glad you found this, Lea. It would appear that this OP is an "unpaid" caregiver for her Dad and the POA is not giving her funds to manage his care? But again, unless she returns to tell us we are simply guessing. I think that if the POA sister is handling the money the two sisters should together see an elder law attorney in order to get shared living costs at the least for the caregiving sister. Otherwise it could be wise for the caregiving OP to give all care over to the POA sister, who can then manage it ALL on her own. Am hoping the OP will return to discuss with us.
By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington.
Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services.
APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid.
We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour.
APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment.
You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints.
Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights.
APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.
I agree that:
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Because if so, that is fairly reprehensible. Your father, by gifting you money, unless he is a multimillionaire, would preclude his own ability to get governmental help should he require it from Medicaid in the next five years.
Let your father alone financially.
You will then need no attorney.
And by the way, if you are trying to get money from your Dad, and if he is not absolutely competent mentally, you will need a CRIMINAL ATTORNEY for elder abuse. And since the POA has already warned you, it would be premeditated abuse.
So better be a danged good attorney.
Even if your Father seems mildly impaired or has some memory loss, it would be unconsciounable to keep asking for money OR accepting money he is giving you. Most likely (unless he has very robust means) he will need that money for his car in ithe near future.
How old are you that you are still taking money from your parent?
We are only getting your side of the story...
If that is all that is going on (and your pay is modest), I think that both Geaton and Alva may be going a bit over the top in suggesting that it is either ‘reprehensible’ or ‘unconsciounable’. However you are NOT the POA. Why is the POA making threats? Most would be happy for a relatively cheap option that keeps the estate intact. On the other hand, some would be eager to sell the property and access the proceeds ASAP, instead of waiting for death (which may mean that the assets are split several ways). Bear in mind that we know nothing about the facts - for all we know, you may have a ruinous on-line gambling habit using F's credit card, which the POA is desperate to control. But I doubt it.
What does the POA want to happen if you get out of the way? To send F to a facility – with AL being self pay and NH requiring higher care needs? And what does F want? His dementia is worsening, but it sounds from your profile that he is not past the point of having some ideas of his own.
You might consider a) contacting APS to get confirmation that his care is adequate, and b) calling a lawyer yourself to try for an independent assessment of F’s preferences. The lawyer could also check whether F has the necessary legal understanding to consider cancelling the current POA and executing a new one. You might check out the terms of F’s will while you are about it.
The point is ‘extorting money’. Have you pocketed and kept a lot of money by pressuring F? Could she show that it was done unduly and unlawfully? If you haven’t, I’d suggest that you have a talk to her and to F about the future. Ignore the insults. She has no case.
I asked if the OP was asking her father for money. I didn't get an answer.
As I said, this OP's question depends upon father's competency.
If he is competent he may give any amount to anyone for any reason and the POA sister can say nothing about it.
If the father is INCOMPETENT and feels pressured to give, then the POA daughter is obligated as POA to question the sister and ask her to stop trying to access the dad's funds.
The word "extortion" was not mine. It was used by the OP. I merely asked her a question, and assumed nothing. She never answered.
I also answered the question in the heading: I said that the OP should, if she requires an attorney, make that a criminal attorney. Which is the kind of attorney she would require if accusations come forth.
Second time today I was accused of being judgmental.
I freely own that I am ABSOLUTELY JUDGEMENTAL; I do not buy into the current more "woke" thinking that judgment is bad. I intend to be making judgements about EVERYTHING after I have been dead six months! Because I think making judgements is a good thing. And that judgements are our private opinions formed of weighing facts. And I think OPINIONS are also good.
However, here I made no judgement because I have no facts.
Nor has the OP returned to give any. Nor do I care that she does or doesn't.
I very much value your opinions Margaret. I always have.
But I did not make any assumption here. I asked a question. And I posited that, if the OP is asking a father no longer competent for money, it is my opinion that she shouldn't.
It is ALSO my judgement and opinion that our own disagreements were better addressed perhaps in private messages, rather than taking up the OP's space with our arguments. Just my humble opinion. You are free to do it here. But in future I will respond privately ;).
Do you live with Dad? Are you caring for him? Is he competent to make his own decisions? Knowing answers will get you better replies.
If Dad is competent, the POA is not invoked.
I am caring for my father Hans, who is 87 years old, living at home with age-related decline, alzheimer's / dementia, depression, hearing loss, incontinence, mobility problems, and sleep disorder.
From Ops profile :
About Me
I take care of my 87 year old father. He is still able to take care of his bathing and toilet but is incontinent. He also has some sort of dementia that is getting steadily worse. He has been mixing up the past and the present lately. Thinking that an incident happened, "yesterday" or "last week," when in reality it happened 20 or more years ago.
We've lived in the same house for over 55 years and he can't remember where the plates, glasses etc are.
I have no one to take him so I can have time alone or time off. It is taking a bad toll on me. I am nasty and waspish. I don't want to be but don't know what to do about it.
OP, how can you get money to care for dad if he doesn't give you some???? Does your sister think life is free? See a lawyer for a consultation, maybe a Certified Elder Care attorney to start.
Good luck.
But again, unless she returns to tell us we are simply guessing.
I think that if the POA sister is handling the money the two sisters should together see an elder law attorney in order to get shared living costs at the least for the caregiving sister.
Otherwise it could be wise for the caregiving OP to give all care over to the POA sister, who can then manage it ALL on her own.
Am hoping the OP will return to discuss with us.