My mother fell, broke a hip, had surgery, spent two months in rehab and decided to go back to her home. Her care team told her to return home she would be required to have 24 hour care. We have been telling her that this care is a requirement to return home. She was discharged yesterday and immediately started in that she neither needs or wants anyone in her home. She is a one person assist to do most everything. I spent the day going in and out of her home to be sure things went smoothly. When the first shift change of help happened she started getting agitated. The second shift change came and she blew up. My phone started ringing at midnight with my mother screaming at me to get these people out of her house. Then she wanted me to move in with her. I got out of bed and drove to her house. When I arrived she unloaded on me say I was a liar and never told her she had to have help . I explained to her we had been telling her each day that to go home she needed care 24/7. I asked her if she remembered conversations with the social worker. She said I never paid any attention. I know today she will try to kick the care people out. She has a history of doing this too. After a fall several years ago she wouldn’t let the VNA nurses in the house. I am her POA, but the rehab didn’t invoke the healthcare proxy so she is making decisions. If the providers leave she will fall down. The social worker said she might invoke an order of protection and give the state control. My mother is a control freak and can get very nasty when she doesn’t get her way. I have contacted her attorney as well requesting to be removed as POA. I have endured her abuse going on two years. I have spent nearly every day with her in that time to be sure she was safe, but two falls in the last six months tell me that the rehab was correct in her needing care. I begged her to allow help in the home and always got no for an answer. Here we are now on day two of being home and she is giving the in home providers a terrible time. Her behavior is affecting my health too. I don’t know where to turn,
Explain to Mom that you are done. Finished. Kaput. What she chooses to do now with her life and recovery is up to her. Have your POA revoked so you will no longer be responsible for her if she takes flyers in her home. She has exhausted your good will and desire to help.
Good luck and hope that you will keep us updated.
Does your mom understand that the alternative to having in-home care is a nursing home? She may not realize this. I'm not suggesting that you threaten her to get her to fall in line but maybe she doesn't understand the consequences of refusing help. I would imagine that the rehab facility she was in prior to coming home explained this to her.
Give the in-home care a little more time. Your mom may acclimate to it and even come to appreciate it. The agency you're using should be sending people who are especially kind and even-keeled and know how to make someone feel special. The agency will know who has special talents in one area or another.
This is day 2. Give it a chance. It may work itself out.