There are three daughters here. One is mentally fragile (somewhat compounded by the above issue) and cared for the parents for 8 years. The other two are sisters now taking their 'turn' - as it should be. However, the parents, who are living in assisted living. are now in danger. Dad drinks/takes meds and still drives (should not be - we have done everything except steal keys to stop it. He would just get new ones made.) Mom is totally dependent upon him; mostly stays in wheelchair; has mobility/mental/slight dementia issues. No short-term memory for my Mom due to past treatments. Dad so deeply in debt his assisted living let him give notice to 'move somewhere he can afford it' - which, if given proper monetary advice from a third party, it would not be an issue. He is very angry and defensive even when lovingly confronted with this. My Mother is at a very high risk for falls (last one was this year) and will be left alone if Dad takes her away to live elsewhere. We are not on his POA.. Kind of glad we're not b/c of financial issues, but it severely limits us otherwise. Thoughts?
I can only tell you my experience re my Mom's driving. When I saw she was having issues & I told the doctors, they would tell her "you should let your daughter drive" and used several different issues (bending the truth to keep her from driving). I also said it in front of her when we went to the doctor. When she was seen by the neurologist, by law, he had to report her to the DMV and her license was revoked. The one thing that bothers me (and I have heard it from friends who have a parent who drives -- that shouldn't) is that we are afraid of our parent's stubbornness/anger. I remember telling the doctor that I knew my mom would be curious, but I was more concerned about the innocent 6-year old on his bike that my Mom will eventually hit and kill because she doesn't see him. PLEASE, take the keys NOW. Call the dealership and tell them not to make any more keys for your Dad due to medical issues, call his insurance company, take the freaking battery out, whatever you have to, so he won't drive. Because even though you are not the POA, you know what is happening and need to take action. And if he was just a friend who was drinking and driving (and not your parent), you would stop them. I think we all want to please our parents and treat them with respect, but there are times that just isn't possible anymore.
BTW: where is the Power of Attorney? Because this is definitely something he/she should be handling. Luckily, I have financial & health Power of Attorney for my Mom (which made it easier). Your Power of Attorney can name a co-POA (such as yourself or one of your sisters), so you can legally take some actions. I have closed most of my Mom's credit cards, her name is not on the checks and I gave her a debit card (so she can't overspend).
I know it is really a hard and thankless job. But sometimes we have to do things that upset our parents to protect them from themselves. I hope you are at least able to get the car away from him ASAP.
Your local Adult Protective Services may be able to help, too.