I've been a community caregiver for my husband, a stroke survivor, for 11 years. He is mentally OK but mobility impaired and is a member of a PACE program in our community. I have been recently diagnosed with a longstanding oral/dental problem I didn't know I had because there were no symptoms. I will be needing care myself for a few days after a comprehensive procedure, so have made plans, through his PACE program, to place my husband in respite care for the first days of my recovery. I feel as if both husband and I are in good hands medically, and the procedure date is far enough away that we're not under time pressure, but I am already overcome with anxiety. Big-time. What if the healing (lengthy, I'm told) doesn't go well? What if I need hospitalization on short notice? Yikes! Has anyone else experienced a care for the caregiver situation and how did you work it out? Thanks for any help and I think this forum is great.
The truth is that many things we worry about never happen. But we're responsible people, and you seem to have all your ducks in a row unless a couple of them escape.
The biggest thing I see is your anxiety right now. You could ask your doctor for a medication to treat it on a temporary basis leading up to surgery. I'm sure doctor will want you as relaxed as possible going into your procedure.
Next, find someone to either come over every day or stay at your house once husband comes home. Make it clear to the person that if you need hospitalization on short notice, they need to stay with husband. Alternatively, make sure that respite care knows that husband may need to come back for a while if your recovery doesn't go well.
That's about all you can do, and good luck.
Sounds like you’re well prepared, so you have time to work out a Plan B in case recovery takes longer than expected. Can PACE help with that? What about your family/friends network? County resources through Aging? Insurance for recovery care?
What-ifs can cause a great deal of unnecessary anxiety. You sound like you’re a good planner. So do what you do! I’m sure you’ll get some good real-world advice from here.
Best wishes to you both.
PS - A line from a favorite song occurs to me: “So take one day at a time. Leave tomorrow until tomorrow. Peace is what you’ll find, one day at a time.” The song is Each Day Has Its Own Anxieties, you can watch the vid on jw.org or use this shortcut: https://bit.ly/ItsOwnAnxieties
Wishing you peace as you continue on your journey.
Where I live, my county, there is an annual 1.7 k voucher that I could apply for.
Start proactively searching in your area and schedule that procedure. There is nothing like a deadline to get you moving
You may want to go ahead and confer with an Elder Law attorney to get best guidance for both you and your husband, both for current and long term needs. Be sure that you both have POA, Living Will, Medical/ Durable Power of Attorney and other forms completed. A Licensed Social Worker should be able to help you with these if needed.
Your health and well being is important. Get the help you need and deserve...
Best regards
Since the agencies normally use aides, these employees cannot actually administer meds, just hand them to your husband. If he cannot take meds if they are handed to him, then you would need the agency to send LPNs, which would be more expensive. Again, though I'm just suggesting this as a backup arrangement. I don't think you'll have a problem doing the initial set-up, even though you won't know if you are actually going to use them, and they won't charge to do this. It's better to have everything in place so they can send someone the day after you call to request service; in some cases, you may be able to get same-day service. One caveat some agencies are better than others. My own experience has been that I've gotten better service from local providers than I have with local offices of a home care provider chain.
* I believe due to stressors and the health/life needs of family care providers, almost all here go through this and need to make other arrangements - both short term and long term.
* You are very blessed to be 'in good hands medically' - so many do not even have that.
* Anxiety. While it IS a nuisance, it DOES give us information of what we need to do ... do something. It is also a killer so do what you need to do to manage it:
exercise (yoga, swim, tai chi, running)
meditate (listen to Buddhist You Tubes)
get enough sleep
eat well
Slowly integrate new behaviors for self-care into your daily life.
- Include more support through Meet Ups / church / friends.
- Take respites, even if / when your DDS needs are managed.
This will require that you change your current life-style - a step at a time. Track your changes / intended changes and feelings in a journal.
* I do not know if long term placement for your husband is practical / a thought / or needed yet. However, it is time to do your research and find out what your options are - this 'doing the research' in itself will ease your anxiety.
* The answer could be as 'simple' (I know it isn't) as finding a caregiver to come into your home to care for your husband as needed while you are recovering, and perhaps on an ongoing basis to ease your responsibilities of being 'on' 24/7.
Gena / Touch Matter
There's a fine line between trying to plan ahead so you'll know what will be available and losing sleep over all the what ifs.
Best of luck working things out and being able to feel at peace.