Thank the deity of choice Thanksgiving is over. Hope I can mentally recover before Christmas.
Asking for a weigh-in. My mom has dementia. My brother, his wife and their daughter in college live 7 hours from her. They were here for Thanksgiving, and brought their two dogs. It is not possible for them to leave the dogs home, or board them. I don't need to give the reasons why, but they must bring them. My mom gets very upset that she "needs" to keep her cat confined when they visit. The dogs have cats at home, are friendly with cats and have neve hurt one. They DO like to chase and play, as that is what they do with their own cats. The cat would deal, he's pretty chill. She CHOOSES to confine him. The dogs cannot be confined, as they are very social and would not only bark incessantly but ruin any door that was a barrier to their people. They are otherwise very well behaved.
Mom would throw a holy fit if her family did not come on a holiday, but is anxious and upset when the dogs are there. She does not understand why they need to bring the dogs. Again, there are several valid reasons for this
What do any of you suggest? I am verging on telling my brother and his family to just not come. They take time off from work, drive hundreds of miles, and put their own lives on hold to make the trip. It's just not worth it, as they are stressed the whole time from mom bitching and moaning.
We had a very head strong, spoiled brat GSD that actually terrorized the dog sitters.
Whether we had them at our house or theirs, she would jump the fence, howl at the front door, eat anything and everything that they left anyplace but the fridge or cupboards. She would get in the pool, roll in the dirt and climb in their bed, just to name of few of the rotten behaviors that this well behaved dog would pull. So she got to go to the kennel when we needed to leave her. We did use a kennel that had 4'x16' kennels with half of that being climate controlled.
It was better then losing the rest of our friends because our dog abused them.
"The dogs cannot be confined, as they are very social and would not only bark incessantly but ruin any door that was a barrier to their people. They are otherwise very well behaved."
Lame apology from aggressive dog owner. Never again.
Personally, I wouldn’t let it ruin Christmas.
Well, I insisted that they bring their crates or not come. Their dogs weren't house broke and they would pee on my carpet and my dogs were/are big and they would want to mark over their dogs. Big difference when a 6# dogs pees vs. a 75# dog covers it.
It happened once and I put my foot down about free roaming, visiting K9s.
They were mad but, not nearly as mad as me about my carpet.
Maybe your family could bring crates to keep them contained so mom isn't so stressed out.
I have a service dog and I never let her off the leash when I am at someone else's home. I also never stay over, hotels only.
There are solutions available for this situation. Best of luck finding one that makes everyone less stressed.
My son is getting married next April, and I just spent Thanksgiving with a bunch of the in-laws who all want to know where they can stay that'll allow them to bring their dogs when they come down for the wedding (500 miles). I told them that's 100% on them to figure out. We're talking about six dogs that I know of. BIG dogs. Good luck finding an Air B&B that'll allow that. They thought they were going to bunk at my house (we have 34 people on that side of the family!!), and when I said that's not happening, they all started to panic.
At some point in the late 1980s/early 1990s people decided their children belonged anywhere adults went. Now that that seems to be an accepted practice, the dogs have become the new children. Sorry, but that's not OK. Mom would like to have a happy holiday season, and her house and her "child" (the cat) doesn't want to be chased or treated worse than the dogs. She has dementia for God's sake -- are they that tone-deaf?
This is in your brother's court -- come see Mom and leave the dogs at home, or stay home.
There are many pet friendly hotels, you just pay an extra fee.
The problem is you can't leave your dogs anywhere. We trained ours to stay in the truck but, hot weather changes that.
Ridiculous how dogs have taken over in our society as the ones of Highest Importance & Priority! And to say that these dogs would 'ruin any door that was a barrier to their people' and then go on to say 'they are otherwise very well behaved' means these dogs are NOT well behaved at ALL. Period.
Before anyone strokes out over me saying this, I love dogs. I have a dog who I love & dogs before this dog that I loved, too. I just don't put my dog's life OVER my mother's life or my children's lives or my husband's life. They come first, THEN comes the dog.
Actually, wouldn't dogs need to be tied up if left unattended in a caravan park? (I am not a dog owner...) If so, could they tie the dogs up & all visit for 1-2 hours? Doesn't seem worth a 7 hour drive for a 1-2 hour visit to me but...
Mom's place. Mom invites who she likes.
Unfortunately, camping is not even an option during the winter holidays. It's way too cold, and the camping facilities are closed anyway.
They can begin Crate or Kennel training their dogs now so that when they visit at Christmas there should not be a problem.
If they can not, will not Crate or Kennel train them then the dogs stay home as well as the people that belong to the dogs.
Mom's house
Mom has dementia.
She does not understand why the dogs have to be there. It is more noise, activity, confusion than she should deal with. And as with most people with dementia routine is important and holidays screw that up anyway so adding anxiety to her life does not help.
The cognizant adults should understand that.
Give them a month to train them, tell them to bring the Crates with them. If they can not do that tell mom that they have a previous engagement and will not come for the holiday.
The assuming that an invitation to a social event also includes the invited party's animals is relatively new. In your mother's day that complete lack of manners was unheard of if you were invited to someone's home. People also did not assume that they can bring their children or additional guests along without asking either. Yet many people do that today as well.
Your brother can make an arrangement for the dogs if they make your mother anxious and upset.
If he doesn't want to board them (and that's understandable) pay someone to look after them for however long they're gone.
Maybe your mother will pay some of the cost for them to hire someone to care for the dogs while they're away so her son and family can join in for the holiday. It's worth a shot.
Do you still live 90 minutes away from your mother, and go to see her once every 10 days? Is she still in danger of burning her house down?
"She has nearly burned her house down twice recently. Her doctor told her she needed in-home care and an antidepressant. She refuses to even consider it. "I don't need it and it's all a scam to make money".
One spent the first year of his life very abused and neglected. He has PTSD. He is wonderful around people he knows and trusts. However, if he were to be left home (with a pet sitter to come in to care for him) he would attack them. Period. There are no friends or family in the are who have nowhere to go and nothing to do over the holidays, so it would need to be a stranger. Same reason for boarding, adding in that they live in an area where there are not many options for that, and the cost, particularly at holiday time, is exorbitant.
The second dog does not have the social anxiety, but the two are very bonded.
The only solution would be for one family member to stay home with the dogs for the holiday, or none of them come at all.
Just a thought.
Your brother and family can video chat, then enjoy the rest of their holiday
Many humans are manipulative and only care for someone if it benefits them, once that benefit is gone, so are they.
I'll give you a good example, our wonder dog a few years ago waited until mom came back home after going out (she was upset because she was dying) and passed surrounded by people who truly loved her. When mom passed a few years ago, a sister (who she had always been available to go with her to different things) and a cousin when notified of her passing, the cousin, sent a Thank You card, Thanking her for letting her know about the death, then off to her reunion, understandable, the sister who she was always there for, not a word. There I said it.
This is a non-productive circle. The primary mover gere is MOM HAS DEMENTIA.
She should no longer live alone. Her depression and anxiety should be treated. Celebrations could be held in her facility (AL or Memory care) and she woukd be able to retreat to her own space when she gets overwhelmed.
When I visit my brother my dogs come with me, it is simply a given.
I also understand having a dog that cannot be kenneled. My old dog was abused before we got her. The only person she would stay with was my Mum, otherwise she was glued to my side. She was never left alone for more than a few hours.
My current 2 have been kenneled, but only when I am traveling out of the country.
Now in OP's case, it is challenging as Mum wants the family to come visit, but she does not want the dogs. What about your sister in laws family? Can Mum be told they are visiting with them this holiday season? It makes sense that they alternate families.