The mother was moved from NYC to Virginia in a nice facility. Everything is new, including her clothes. She is always fussing with the aides and calling them names. We have told her to stop but she continues to do so. The head nurse called and said the language she is using is unacceptable. What can we do about it? My boss worked in Healthcare and said the facility could commit her to a memory care unit, that is if, they accept her or to a mental institution. I tried reaching the director at the facility, but haven't talked to her yet.
I am caring for someone with age-related decline, alzheimer's / dementia, anxiety, arthritis, depression, diabetes, hearing loss, heart disease, incontinence, mobility problems, urinary tract infection, and vision problems.
What sort of elder care facility is unfamiliar with dementia residents using foul language and/or name calling with aides????? And what does it mean that the mother "can be committed to a memory care unit or a mental institution"????? Nobody who works in an AL has the power to "commit" a resident anywhere! They can ask the resident to leave or evict her, but that's about it! The POA gets to make all the decisions regarding the care of the elder, basically.
Private aides have the power to quit the job if they are unhappy with the client or unable to handle their dementia. Dementia care all boils down to proper care by qualified staff who understand what they're doing and how to handle and redirect agitated elders who act out. If the elder is misplaced to begin with in regular AL when she really requires Memory Care Assisted Living, then issues are likely to ensue and should be addressed with management before eviction notices are handed out!
What the OP is describing is akin to a preschool asking a parent to remove a student from enrollment because the student cries when their mom/dad leaves them at the school.
Most of the time caregiver aides will not stand up for themselves and will tolerate all kinds of abuse from clients because they are afraid of getting in trouble for it and losing their jobs.
I was a caregiver aide for 25 years and I've worked for every kind there is. I never had this worry. I did not hestitate to give it right back to an abusive senior even ones with dementia.
The caregiver has to establish their own boundaries because the client will test how far they can push and how much they can get away with. When the caregiver establishes that they don't tolerate abuse, the behavior usually improves. Or at least it improves when that caregiver is around.
I think the others on this thread are right. Your MIL should be in memory care and on medication to control her lashing out behavior.
There's no reason why you should be paying two caregivers at the AL for her.
DH has stood by his belief that she has no dementia, but that has done a 180 shift.
I always knew she 'had it in her' as she told me to 'eff-off' and when I told my Dh about it he flatly called me a liar. She's the only person in my whole life to say that to me..it was so hurtful.
Well last week they had a drag out fight and I guess she let a LOT of filth flow. He was so shocked....and I'm was semi-vindicated, I guess. She also told HIM to eff-off and to go to h3ll, which is normal for her.
With dementia, the brain simply doesn't filter out what normally would be considered "inappropriate" and they just let it rip.
Memory Care may be a better fit?
Nobody should have to listen to filthy language in their workplace, but sadly, many CG's do in fact get hollered at. Either it can roll off their backs and doesn't hurt their feelings, but many of us, not 'used' to that type opf language, it's upsetting.
My experience with Memory Care workers is that they can take the 'abuse' in stride. I personally, cannot. I can't even watch movies that have prolific and constant usage of foul language.
This may be one of the phases of her dementia, and more than likely this too shall pass.
But in the meantime it certainly sounds like your mother belongs in a memory care facility, as she will only continue to get worse. Plus in a memory care unit the workers have seen and heard pretty much everything, so nothing shocks or offends them.
Hopefully the AL she's in now has a memory care unit as part of their facility, as that will make it much easier to move her.
I would go to the Administration and discuss options with them. I hope you'll update us.
In your discussion with the facility director, state that his employees should know how to handle this kind of case, and if they can't, what would they recommend? It's best to do what they say when you're clearly new at this and don't know what to do yourselves.
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