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By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington. Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services. APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid. We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour. APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
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V. Complaints. Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights. APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.I agree that: A.I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information"). B.APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink. C.APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site. D.If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records. E.This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year. F.You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
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Mostly Independent
Your loved one may not require home care or assisted living services at this time. However, continue to monitor their condition for changes and consider occasional in-home care services for help as needed.
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Trampus, explore using no rinse products: no rinse shampoo and no rinse soap. Showers are unnecessary with those, and I've found they clean just as well as soap and water. There isn't that fresh sense of a shower pouring down on you, but they're effective.
Maybe your friend's father needs to have a come to reality talk: he needs to assist in staying clean or consider finding someplace else. Tough love can hurt, but it can also help, and stop the worrying that you'll get in trouble.
You really can't get into any trouble if he doesn't want to shower, however it is yours and your friends house, so you can lay down some ground rules for living in your house, because who wants a stinky adult living with them? So you tell him that if he wants to continue to live there, he MUST take a shower at least once a week, and use the body wipes on the days he doesn't. And just make sure that you are willing to stand behind these rules, in case he decides not to obey them. Then you must insist that he finds somewhere else to live. Good luck.
I can see where OP might be worried about an appearance of neglect if elder is not showering. Sometimes outside observers think they see something wrong and report it - not realizing that it's elder refusing to shower and it's not that elder is being denied the opportunity to shower. I agree with trying the no rinse options. They do work. Another thought I had was to assess why he's refusing to shower. A lot of times they are afraid of falling, but don't necessarily want to say so or don't really understand it themselves. Finally, was he always this way? My elder was generally an unclean person way before I started providing care and I had to repeatedly explain that to people. It's just how it was. However, if a lack of cleanliness is a change in behavior for your friend's dad, then maybe it warrants a call to the doctor?
The man can choose to shower or not. Unless you are his paid caregiver you have no duty of care.
However, it is reasonable to expect guests to be hygienic in your home. If his body odour is offensive, you can make the suggestionion for the comfort of everyone else. An awkward conversation, so be tactful if you can. Ask if the shower suits him? There may be a reason he feels unsafe (no grab bar) or he sits in a shower chair at home, or he prefers to wash at the sink. If you find out his preferences/needs you may have success.
Or he may just be a smelly old guy who doesn't care & refuses. If so - make the visit short!
Many of us are unrealistic about how often showers and hairwashes are actually required. If he doesn’t smell, whatever he is doing is OK. If he does smell, check how often he is changing his clothes – he may be skipping it to avoid ‘being a trouble’ if you do the washing. Make sure he has clean clothes to put on after whatever sort of wash he does. If he still smells, it’s not OK to share your place, and he needs an ultimatum. But please check all the other advice too – the energy required to strip, shower, dry and dress can feel like a workout at the gym, and it’s heaps worse if you don’t feel safe on your feet.
One other option might be to hire a male carer just to help him wash. If you’ve done all these things, I can’t see that you are at any risk yourselves.
By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington.
Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services.
APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid.
We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour.
APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment.
You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints.
Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights.
APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.
I agree that:
A.
I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information").
B.
APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink.
C.
APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site.
D.
If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records.
E.
This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year.
F.
You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
Maybe your friend's father needs to have a come to reality talk: he needs to assist in staying clean or consider finding someplace else. Tough love can hurt, but it can also help, and stop the worrying that you'll get in trouble.
However, it is reasonable to expect guests to be hygienic in your home. If his body odour is offensive, you can make the suggestionion for the comfort of everyone else. An awkward conversation, so be tactful if you can. Ask if the shower suits him? There may be a reason he feels unsafe (no grab bar) or he sits in a shower chair at home, or he prefers to wash at the sink. If you find out his preferences/needs you may have success.
Or he may just be a smelly old guy who doesn't care & refuses. If so - make the visit short!
One other option might be to hire a male carer just to help him wash. If you’ve done all these things, I can’t see that you are at any risk yourselves.