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Who are you caring for?
Which best describes their mobility?
How well are they maintaining their hygiene?
How are they managing their medications?
Does their living environment pose any safety concerns?
Fall risks, spoiled food, or other threats to wellbeing
Are they experiencing any memory loss?
Which best describes your loved one's social life?
Acknowledgment of Disclosures and Authorization
By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington. Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services. APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid. We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour. APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment. You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints. Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights. APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.I agree that: A.I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information"). B.APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink. C.APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site. D.If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records. E.This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year. F.You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
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Mostly Independent
Your loved one may not require home care or assisted living services at this time. However, continue to monitor their condition for changes and consider occasional in-home care services for help as needed.
Remember, this assessment is not a substitute for professional advice.
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“Assisted Living” typically means can take care of “some” ADLs but needs “some” help with “some others.
Does that describe your mother? From what you’ve written it’s possible that she might need a higher level of care (Memory Care?) than she’s currently receiving.
As you describe her “issues or complaints” they sound more like she is potentially unable, perhaps more than unwilling, to participate as you expect her to. If that’s the case, she needs a thorough evaluation by a psychiatrist or neurologist or psychologist trained in assessing the very elderly. You need to know what she can fairly be expected to do, and what she can’t.
You list a sad history of issues between the two of you, then state your love for your late father. No problem with any of that (my mother was a terribly damaged woman who made my life painfully difficult for a good part of it), but it helped me to realize it for what it was, and embrace all that as her truth.
You are DOING what your father asked you to do ALREADY. If you are managing and supervising and overseeing what happens to her, THAT’S CARING FOR HER. You don’t have to do ANYTHING else to be a fine supportive caregiving daughter!
Have you run the finances past a good tax accountant or even a family lawyer? If she’s indigent she may be eligible for help that you shouldn’t necessarily be providing. FIND OUT.
Is it possible that you may be trying a little too hard?
Speak to the Executive Director about your expectations vs. their care plan for your mother. I'd go in there with a smile and an attitude that you'd like to work things out rather than "Here I am with my mile-long list of complaints" because you can catch more flies with honey than vinegar. Make sure the AL is equipped to care for your mother properly, and if not, then ask why she was accepted into their facility in the first place?
With AL in general, there are things you'll have to let go of in terms of being perfect; like the food or the quality of the laundry that's done for mom. Complaining (on mom's part) goes with the territory, plus, it's VERY IMPORTANT to fact check everything she claims is 'wrong' with the ALF. My mother was the Queen of making up exaggerated stories of what was happening in her ALF, to the point where my head was exploding. When I called to fact check, turned out mom was being her usual self and telling tall tales. To the point where she even wound up with the sheriff at her door one day to investigate the 'theft of jewelry' that occurred (according to her). Mom slammed the door in the sheriff's face and played the Poor Victim card on that one, too.
My point is, fact check if mom is making lots of claims about what's going on in her ALF. If you've seen things firsthand that upset you, that's another story entirely. Then by all means, speak to the ED and get things straightened out.
I am with Lea here. Always ask first. Never accuse. I was lucky my daughter is an RN who worked in NHs for 20 years. She would tell me what to say and what I had a right to question.
You need to understand that the staff has a routine. Mom is not there only resident they need to care for. I always would approach staff with "how do you handle this". I allowed them to do things their way since they are doing the job. I rarely talked to the director. The RN was the one in charge of the residents care. She was the boss over the CNAs and Medtechs. The way you approach the problem is very important. You want the staff on ur side. Admit Mom is a handful. Mom also needs to realize, if able, that she is not the only person in the facility. That she is not going to be waited on hand and foot. That she too needs to make an effort.
You wrote such a long profile that I can see she is ready for memory care. Is she requiring more hands on services than AL can provide under contract? She is not eating well and taking Ensure. How much weight is she losing? When dementia progresses to the point of not enough intake, it means it is well advanced. You also need to take her complaints with a grain of salt. It is now the disease that is talking to you
Your mom sounds like a very toxic individual. I’d interact with her as little as possible and let assisted living… assist with her living. Or love her to Memory Care. Mom’s going to complain about everything regardless, so just ignore her.
Also ignore any deathbed demands. You dad was a d**k to do that to you.
I really hope by you saying you’re helping her out financially does NOT mean your paying her AL rent. If someone is too stupid to prepare for their elder years, a basic Medicaid nursing home is what they deserve.
By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington.
Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services.
APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid.
We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour.
APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment.
You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints.
Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights.
APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.
I agree that:
A.
I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information").
B.
APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink.
C.
APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site.
D.
If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records.
E.
This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year.
F.
You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
Does that describe your mother? From what you’ve written it’s possible that she might need a higher level of care (Memory Care?) than she’s currently receiving.
As you describe her “issues or complaints” they sound more like she is potentially unable, perhaps more than unwilling, to participate as you expect her to.
If that’s the case, she needs a thorough evaluation by a psychiatrist or neurologist or psychologist trained in assessing the very elderly. You need to know what she can fairly be expected to do, and what she can’t.
You list a sad history of issues between the two of you, then state your love for your late father. No problem with any of that (my mother was a terribly damaged woman who made my life painfully difficult for a good part of it), but it helped me to realize it for what it was, and embrace all that as her truth.
You are DOING what your father asked you to do ALREADY. If you are managing and supervising and overseeing what happens to her, THAT’S CARING FOR HER.
You don’t have to do ANYTHING else to be a fine supportive caregiving daughter!
Have you run the finances past a good tax accountant or even a family lawyer? If she’s indigent she may be eligible for help that you shouldn’t necessarily be providing. FIND OUT.
Is it possible that you may be trying a little too hard?
With AL in general, there are things you'll have to let go of in terms of being perfect; like the food or the quality of the laundry that's done for mom. Complaining (on mom's part) goes with the territory, plus, it's VERY IMPORTANT to fact check everything she claims is 'wrong' with the ALF. My mother was the Queen of making up exaggerated stories of what was happening in her ALF, to the point where my head was exploding. When I called to fact check, turned out mom was being her usual self and telling tall tales. To the point where she even wound up with the sheriff at her door one day to investigate the 'theft of jewelry' that occurred (according to her). Mom slammed the door in the sheriff's face and played the Poor Victim card on that one, too.
My point is, fact check if mom is making lots of claims about what's going on in her ALF. If you've seen things firsthand that upset you, that's another story entirely. Then by all means, speak to the ED and get things straightened out.
Best of luck!
You need to understand that the staff has a routine. Mom is not there only resident they need to care for. I always would approach staff with "how do you handle this". I allowed them to do things their way since they are doing the job. I rarely talked to the director. The RN was the one in charge of the residents care. She was the boss over the CNAs and Medtechs. The way you approach the problem is very important. You want the staff on ur side. Admit Mom is a handful. Mom also needs to realize, if able, that she is not the only person in the facility. That she is not going to be waited on hand and foot. That she too needs to make an effort.
You also need to take her complaints with a grain of salt. It is now the disease that is talking to you
Also ignore any deathbed demands. You dad was a d**k to do that to you.
I really hope by you saying you’re helping her out financially does NOT mean your paying her AL rent. If someone is too stupid to prepare for their elder years, a basic Medicaid nursing home is what they deserve.