What do you do when they are too scared of falling to try to function?
My 93 yo mom has decided she can’t walk again. She had a minor fall on Thanksgiving day. I helped her up. She said she wasn’t hurt and everything was normal for a couple of days.
Then I had a relative assist her with a shower while I ran to the store. When I got back in an hour, they had my mom in bed at 8:00 and feeding her soup.
She stayed in bed until the next evening and since then hasn’t been able to walk by herself.
She had missed a meal and got nauseous. Then for days she wouldn’t eat enough to settle her stomach and had bouts of vomiting. She’s eating well again now, but that weakened her even more.
After that long in bed I’m sure she was stiff and now that she hasn’t been moving around she really is weak.
A couple of random days, she’s gotten to the toilet by herself, just to wake up the next day totally disabled. Now she’s having me push her while seated on her rollater to the living room and back. Going to the toilet just twice a day.
This time I’m trying to be patient with her completely instead of trying to convince her to get up and try to move around. When she’s attempting to standI stay near her but all it takes is my hand on her back and she’s doing all the work. I’m not even supporting her, just reassuring her but she thinks she can’t do it. Then she apologizes for being too heavy. She breaks my heart.
I know she needs to be getting up or at least exercising but she won’t do it and it makes it worse if I lose my temper. She won’t let me try to lift her because she’s afraid she’ll hurt me, and she’s afraid of falling,
She has doctor appt. next week and I fear what he and my sister may conclude. Hopefully we’ll get in-home therapy again. I did take a urine sample down to rule out a uti.
This is not the first time but I fear it could lead to her decline. I don’t know what to do if I can’t make her try.
charlotte
Might be time to place her in a home with trained care takers who know how to lift and move elderly people.
She does get physical & occupational therapy (24 sessions) that Medicare pays for, and it DOES help her. They work with her for about an hour per session and then leave her with large rubber band type things that she uses while sitting in her recliner. It helps strengthen her leg muscles. I don't want to see her get BED bound now, so the PT/OT does help her keep up her muscle strength.
At this point in your mother's life, I'd let her be. If she doesn't want to walk too much, get her a wheelchair AND push for PT/OT, that's my suggestion. Of course, you can't force her to actually DO PT and OT if she doesn't want to.........so that ball is in her court, you know?
Wishing you the best of luck.
She responds well to any outside help. She just won’t do anything with me or by herself. I don’t push. I want good vibes between us so I try to keep it light.
Yes, you can get home PT. Which in my experience is useless. The last time we had home PT for grandma after a fall to help her walk, the PT was there for at most 5 mins each session. She would pump her leg a few times and tell grandma to get up. When grandma didn't she would leave saying there was nothing she could do. Which is pretty much how the other time we got home PT went too.
If you can get outpatient therapy instead, that may be much better. Medicare will pay for either, you choose. Actually getting her out of the house and into an environment for walking may inspire her to at least try. The equipment they have at a outpatient facility would be much better than cobbling something together at home. They may even have a specialized treadmill where they can put her into a sling while she walks to help her regain confidence and teach her how not to fall.
Who knows what causes that decision? And yes, they perpetuation does happen - nasty cycle!
When we moved mom to MC, she was still mobile, no cane or walker needed. After about a year, she insisted she needed "one of those", indicating someone else's rollator. I had taken the walker and rollator that had been dad's when we cleaned out the condo, so I brought it there on the next visit. She fluctuated between asking who it belonged to and insisting she pay for it! But, she didn't use it. It took many months before she did start using it (and we taped paper with her name onto the handlebar) and she did fine. That was okay for quite a long time, but recently (6mo or less), she had a couple of little tumbles, no injury and that started the "can't walk/stand" spiral. Doc visit resulted in order for PT, but she absolutely refused to work with them.
I think in her case a combination of sitting too much (she always sits and reads paper/magazine/sale catalogs, wouldn't walk much or participate in the light exercise staff provides), and weight gain (20# in the first year) led to weakness which eventually would make it hard for her to stand/walk. Unfortunately it is a spiraling situation - not walking leads to more weakness, falling and more fear of falling and further weakness.
So, for many months now mom either scoots along in her transport chair with the foot rests removed (uses her feet to pull herself forward), or uses a wheelchair they have provided (I have offered to purchase, but the nurse is okay with using theirs for now.) If/when she needs to stand/walk, either to move to a chair or use the bathroom, she gets into a tizzy thinking she's going to fall. Not much can be done about that, esp when she refused PT. At one point she actually said to the nurse she needs to use it or lose it, something she harped on dad about, and something I tried to mention a few times (I got the nasty treatment, so I dropped it!) Nurse has also told me that for the most part they are not really supporting her, just being there, with a hand on her and she is really doing most of the work, but in her head, not so much....
Since you are caring for her at home, at the least PT might be able to help you with transitions, etc, even if mom can't or won't work with them. If need be, such as for bathing, can you bring in assistance to help you help her? You did say she responds better to others (very common!) The last thing you need is to injure yourself, then you can't help her! If she can't afford this, explore options for getting financial assistance, and/or consider a move to a facility if it gets too bad.
She doesn’t want me to lift her already and a naked slippery body is that much harder to support.
Fortunately, we did have her bathroom remodeled so it is somewhat handicap equipped.
She has an open roll-in shower but the safety bars are at the far end away from the seat. I had a support floor to ceiling bar installed nearby that she uses.
The only handicap width door we have is to her bathroom. Go figure. Guess they decided I can address all her needs there.
We got him a home aide that is young and pretty. For her, he started using his exercise bike (just the pedals you put in front of a chair) and he has gotten stronger. He also has started to walk around more.
My dad like to show off for young, pretty girls. I’m not sure how this can help your mom. Proper motivation can change things.
I feel so much better, frustration relieved and not scared at all. No matter what happens, maybe big changes, I can cope and go forward continuing to support my mom through it.
Thank you all so much, I will keep you posted!
charlotte
I wanted her to use the wheel chair some so she could still have some independent mobility but it didn’t work that way.
I no longer care for her. When she was in my house it was the same story. She would say, “Don’t try to pick me up because you may get hurt.” It’s terribly frustrating.
Home health does help. Make sure that she does both occupational and physical therapy at the same time. That’s what my mom’s doctor would order because it works best doing both. Actually rehab at a nursing home is even better. Ask her primary doctor to order it. Medicare will pay for it.
Sometimes I think they almost make themselves fall because they fear it so much that they can’t concentrate. Of course with my mom she has a neurological disease, Parkinson’s. That effects her mobility horribly. That combined with fear is a terrible state to.
My mom uses a walker. She would not have any balance without it. The walker gives some security. But she falls even with a walker.
Best wishes to you and your mom.
Hugs!
She calls for me to help but I stand by idly while she does all the work. That’s a confidence problem, I think.
She does well while the therapists are here but goes back to doing nothing quickly after they leave. You can lead a horse to water but you can’t make them drink...
She admits she’s lazy but she’s also just plain tired. I’m just as bad. This lifestyle is not agreeing with me. I’m getting a hump in my back and every day I list to the left more noticeably. Do I go out for walks or exercise? Nope and my little dog loves it!
Thank you for taking an interest in us. I value your opinion tremendously!
charlotte
I left it at “We’ll let the therapists assess her and see how many visits she needs.”
She needs a refresher course on how to navigate when she can barely walk and I need to find out what I should expect from her at this stage. Also, what I can do to help her. I’ve been letting her go at her own pace but we take two steps forward then go three steps back.
Attitude is everything and she’s sure come around in the last two days.
Thank you all again.
charlotte
So glad the doctor has ordered another round of home health.
Best wishes to you and your family.