My older sister and I are joint POA for my mom, 86, who has the start of memory loss. We have one younger brother and one younger sister. We received an email from our younger sister in September saying that our mom is moving from Hawaii to move in with her in California.
After two conference calls between siblings, 3 of us agreed that Mom should stay in Hawaii because she is happy in her retirement facilities, with increasing care available to her if need be. Upon much pressure from my younger sister, my mom in October started to consider moving in with our sister, a cancer survivor, who had not done a mammogram in 9 years, and with two young sons and a husband. She is not a caregiver and does not have ADA access.
My mom's doctor suggested she resign from the Trust and let me handle that. She met with the attorney in October and resigned from the Trust with her understanding that I would manage the Trust. In speaking with Mom, she says she is happy with the way I am handling her affairs.
I flew to Hawaii in late October to meet with my mom to really understand what she wanted. She clearly stated that Hawaii is home (born and raised there) and she was very happy at the retirement home where she chose to move in February 2012 with our support.
My brother wrote an email in early November to verify that in his speaking with Mom, she wanted to remain in Hawaii although she could travel if she chose to.
Without notice, our younger sister arrived on Dec. 10 and took my mom back to California with her and with only one week of medicines.
Is there no recourse for a rogue sibling who does what she wants to without any consideration for anyone else? She consistently asks for money (lots of it) and insists I am withholding money from our mom. She is not on any of my mom's accounts, yet she took my mom to the bank to try to withdraw funds after I told her all funds were allocated for upcoming bills.
As Trustee, I believe I am fulfilling my fiduciary responsibility to protect my mom's assets from my sister.
My mom is timid and agrees with those who last speak with her. So, the doctor declares that Mom is capable of making her own decisions even if she changes her mind. However, she does not want to hurt anyone's feelings, and does not speak out. She is not assertive.
The rest of us cannot reach my mom at my sister's house because my sister insists on taping all conversations or staying on the phone so we can't have a private conversation with our mom. She only buys a one way airfare without a date in mind for returning Mom home.
We question our sister's motive in not keeping Mom's health as the priority and the insistent request for money. My sister's lifestyle is eating out every day, movies, and shopping. My mom has not asked for money from me.
Any suggestions on how to keep my younger sister in alignment with our decisions?
Good luck with this. I hope someone else can give you some good advice!!!
I would question your sister's motives and if she needs some kind of evaluation. Obviously, your Mom's wellbeing is not a high priority for her. Contacting the local Senior Protection Services for a wellness check might be a good idea. Any of the siblings/cousins, etc live nearby for a drop in visit?
As far as needing money (until this is resolved) I would ask for a list of what Mom needs; order them and have delivered to sister's house.
Good lcuk!
I hear this happens a lot, but I have not found any legal recourse, since the POA handles the financial aspects. My mom is still competent so there is no legal element to fall back on that we are aware of.
According to last email, younger sister retained an attorney.
I share the Advanced Healthcare Directive with older sister in Hawaii. I understand that if mom is declared incapacitated then can we direct care facilities.