I am at a loss and I feel like I have no one to turn to. My husband and I can no longer care for his mom in our home. We applied for Medicaid to begin the nursing home process, however she is going to be penalized by Medicaid so my question is what do we do when we can no longer care for her in our home, she won't go to a nursing home because she hasn't been approved for Medicaid and we can't afford to pay a nursing home? My husband and I were the only ones who could at the time but she has gone downhill so fast that it's getting harder and harder to care. Is there anyone who can offer some insight?
Ohio Legal Aid. Google it. There are Attorneys that offer “pro bono services”, or so the Ohio State Bar Assn states.
You deserve a pity party. CM is bringing sandwiches. I will bring cookies and coffee if it’s a day party. Other beverages if it’s going to be a night party. ;)
One thing I just can’t get off my mind, you mentioned MIL was “out of it”. Was MIL out of it when this shady house transaction was done? If so, and an attorney was not involved to determine that on that day MIL was capable of doing this transaction you may have recourse.
If your H doesn't agree to let the state take control of your MIL, then he will be clearly putting HER before YOU.
I am hoping someone comes along with a better solution for you, until then I will grasp at some straws here.
The document regarding the house, was it a “do it yourself” document” that your SIL drew up herself? You said it was notarized. Was an Attorney involved in this contract? Was there wording in this document stating a payment plan nephew was supposed to stick to?
If an attorney was not involved in this “deal” and MIL has Dementia, ALZ, or otherwise in her right mind you may have some recourse.
You may want to check to see if your State has a Legal Aid Association that does based on income or free legal work.
I am sorry, this type of thing really grates on me. If your SIL was acting as MILs POA when all this happened she really is responsibile. If SIL is responsible for all this someone, in my opinion your husband needs to put SILs feet to the fire on this.
Sorry, rant over.
(((Hugs))) to you.
There may be other families "having it worse" - there's always *someone* who's having a rougher time in some way, no matter what's going on - but I don't think there are many being quite as unrealistic as your Sister In Law.
Don't care was made to care, don't care was hung... and all that.
Her accounting for what happened to your MIL's house, income and other assets is not optional. And if she won't co-operate with your husband in answering Medicaid's questions, then she will be obliged to answer to the authorities instead.
Depending on how long your MIL was living with her, it may well be that SIL incurred considerable costs and it was fine for MIL's money to be used to cover that. But the point is she can't just say "dunno, so what" - she has to account for the money. And she can't just decide to give a feckin' house to her son, not even if she considers it fair compensation.
Has your husband tried sending her a written version of Medicaid's application questions?
Get out of this. If it was a house - it could be well over a year of penalty period - or several years. You are going to have to be tough because no one else will. No one but you cares that you can no longer handle MIL. And if she kicks you out of your living room - why put up with that? Tell her NO! What is she going to do?
Has your husband confronted his nephew with the option of turning over the cash for the house or signing the house back over to his grandmother so it could be sold to pay for her care?
No one here would judge you for going the Nursing Home route. Lots of us have had to travel that road.
What has your husband got to say about the situation?
What steps is HE taking to talk to HIS sister about HIS mother's care?
No, I think it's sad that YOU have to pay for what MIL's daughter did. YOU have to pay for what MIL and her daughter did (if MIL signed over the house to the nephew; did this happen?). Your life is miserable because of it. Put yourself first in this whole scenario. You cannot remain the caregivers to MIL.
The sister and nephew have no contact with MIL?
There must have been some kind of contract, and the title, home insurance and contract, must have been documented with the county, shouldn't it have been. I think SIL and Nephew are making up stories, or stalling for some reason, as this part of the story makes no sense. Handshake deals are not worth their weight, when it comes to working with government agencies! I'd be demanding to see the documents, as MIL has needs of her biggest asset to live on for the rest of her life, the sale of her home, like the rest of us!
Mother lived with daughter in daughter's home. When did mother move in to daughter's home?
Daughter "sold" mother's home to daughter's son, your nephew. Except that no money has changed hands. So in fact there has been no sale: no consideration = no contract. Where is the documentation? Is your nephew now living in the house?
The house is the big asset that is causing most of the gifting trouble. It is worth at least *arguing* about it, at least finding out who legally owns the dam' thing.
Back to our narrative. In August 2016 Daughter has a meltdown: do you know if this was for any reason besides the strain of caregiving? She tells DH to collect MIL. DH does so. Since then, MIL has been living with you, and things are now getting unmanageable.
Where is Daughter?
Where is Nephew?
When did you last hear from either of them?
If not, draw your line in the sand NOW and stand firm.
Your MIL was living in her own home? with her daughter as her primary caregiver.
Your MIL sold her house to your BIL? Or the POA daughter sold the house to your nephew?
What happened to that money?
How did MIL come to wind up living in *your* home? And when?
Where are your sister in law and your brother in law / nephew now, are you in touch with them, and what have they had to say for themselves?
Or was the home sold for far below market value?
Daughter who was POA and got her mother into this situation is now responsible for her mom's care.
I'd drop her off this afternoon.