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I. How We Work in Washington. Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services. APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
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VI. No Waiver of Your Rights. APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.I agree that: A.I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information"). B.APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink. C.APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site. D.If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records. E.This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year. F.You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
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Crushes happen in care. So the staff member will not be surprised or flummoxed at all. And in fact were I you I would inform the staff member.
There's nothing to do about this. The lucky thing here is that one person in this duo is mentally competent, because when two seniors in this situation fall in love it can be problematic.
I would simply reply to your Mom that so-and-so works there, and you are certain he is flattered she likes him. If she goes on with an elaborate "but we are getting married and planning our wedding" the only thing to say is "Is that so?" and quickly try to deflect to some other fascinating subject like "My friend Hulda flushed her teeth down the toilet". See if you can divert her.
My mother thought she was going to marry Elvis. She loved to watch Elvis movies, and the PT who came to the house sang Elvis songs to her to distract her from pain during the exercises. Mom's mind confused the PT with the TV Elvis. On one of her wheelchair shopping excursions, she even bought a wedding ring. When I asked her why, she said she thought it was the only proper way to get married. She'd sit and watch out the window all day for Elvis to arrive.
I jollied her along. That's about all you can do. I'd say things like, Elvis is too busy to come over today. It worked. My friend, when in nursing school, took care of an old man who wanted to marry her and leave her his house, car, and everything. Fortunately she recognized it was his dementia talking. I'm sure your mom's staff member is familiar with such delusions, so mention it to him and see what he says. They probably have training about how to handle it.
My mother "married" her high school boyfriend just weeks after my dad's death even thought she hadn't seen this person since 1945 and he'd been dead for 10 years. However, her story was so convincing that a casual acquaintance who stuck his head into her nursing home room to say hello one day came out convinced she'd indeed remarried. In fact, he was so convinced that he trotted right off to share the news with the editor of my late dad's Rotary Club chapter's newsletter, and THAT guy put a congratulatory message in the weekly publication. Within 24 hours, the entire town had heard about it.
Needless to say, when this came to my attention I was not happy, and the Rotarians who'd known my parents were soulmates for 66 years were aghast. The club immediately retracted the story, apologized profusely, and life went on. However, that's how my entire hometown learned that my mother had dementia.
My mom's new love stayed with her until a few months before she died, and then she stopped talking about him. The caregivers at her memory care said she was the only resident who was never really alone during the lockdown because her invisible husband never left her side.
Bottom line -- dementia leads to some weird stuff. Let the CNA and the administration know so they're prepared to deal with it, but don't argue with your mom. It brings her some comfort. You just don't want her doing something crazy like giving him gifts or money. I was lucky as far as that goes -- my mom's new man was already dead.
My Mom fell for the man who drove the bus to Adult care. He was so good to her. A gentleman. He would come to her door and help her up the stairs. Put her arm in his and walk her to the Van talking to her all the way. One night she wanted to call her boyfriend, I had no idea at the time who she meant. I told her I had no idea who that was. Finally I realized she meant the bus driver. Probably should not have done it at the time, but told her I did not know how to contact him and he was already married. She didn't say anything but sure she still had a crush on him. So this is normal.
I might though ask for another aide if he is responsible for dressing her. Otherwise, I would make him aware. If he is uncomfortable with it, he can ask not to be her aide. But like said he should know how to handle it.
I just found out after visiting her today that it is not the CNA, she said “that’s been over for a longtime”. It is now the activities director and she now believes they are already married. She is very angry with him because he hasn’t been around. (he has the weekend off). I plan on talking to him and or the unit manager on Monday.
When she starts to talk about divert the conversation to something totally unrelated. If she gets upset, tell her you have to "take this phone call" and walk out of the room. Don't feed into the delusion or try to "reason" with her. Her brain is broken and she can't work from reason and logic and reality anymore.
Thanks. He is a CNA I will try and talk to him today. I hope he understands. I think I should talk to the unit manager as well. If mom finds out that I talked to them she will be upset. I miss my sweet mom. Dementia has made her argumentative and sometimes mean.
By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington.
Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services.
APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid.
We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour.
APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment.
You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints.
Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights.
APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.
I agree that:
A.
I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information").
B.
APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink.
C.
APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site.
D.
If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records.
E.
This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year.
F.
You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
There's nothing to do about this. The lucky thing here is that one person in this duo is mentally competent, because when two seniors in this situation fall in love it can be problematic.
I would simply reply to your Mom that so-and-so works there, and you are certain he is flattered she likes him. If she goes on with an elaborate "but we are getting married and planning our wedding" the only thing to say is "Is that so?" and quickly try to deflect to some other fascinating subject like "My friend Hulda flushed her teeth down the toilet". See if you can divert her.
And good luck.
I jollied her along. That's about all you can do. I'd say things like, Elvis is too busy to come over today. It worked. My friend, when in nursing school, took care of an old man who wanted to marry her and leave her his house, car, and everything. Fortunately she recognized it was his dementia talking. I'm sure your mom's staff member is familiar with such delusions, so mention it to him and see what he says. They probably have training about how to handle it.
If not, get ready for a "wedding." LOL
Needless to say, when this came to my attention I was not happy, and the Rotarians who'd known my parents were soulmates for 66 years were aghast. The club immediately retracted the story, apologized profusely, and life went on. However, that's how my entire hometown learned that my mother had dementia.
My mom's new love stayed with her until a few months before she died, and then she stopped talking about him. The caregivers at her memory care said she was the only resident who was never really alone during the lockdown because her invisible husband never left her side.
Bottom line -- dementia leads to some weird stuff. Let the CNA and the administration know so they're prepared to deal with it, but don't argue with your mom. It brings her some comfort. You just don't want her doing something crazy like giving him gifts or money. I was lucky as far as that goes -- my mom's new man was already dead.
I might though ask for another aide if he is responsible for dressing her. Otherwise, I would make him aware. If he is uncomfortable with it, he can ask not to be her aide. But like said he should know how to handle it.