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Who are you caring for?
Which best describes their mobility?
How well are they maintaining their hygiene?
How are they managing their medications?
Does their living environment pose any safety concerns?
Fall risks, spoiled food, or other threats to wellbeing
Are they experiencing any memory loss?
Which best describes your loved one's social life?
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By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington. Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services. APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid. We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour. APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment. You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints. Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights. APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.I agree that: A.I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information"). B.APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink. C.APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site. D.If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records. E.This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year. F.You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
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Mostly Independent
Your loved one may not require home care or assisted living services at this time. However, continue to monitor their condition for changes and consider occasional in-home care services for help as needed.
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She’s paranoid to the highest degree, distrusting, accusatory, thinks the doctor and I are plotting against her, refuses any new medications (Eloquis). Constantly agitated and mean with very hurtful untrue accusations.
More information would be helpful: does she live with you or you with her? Are you her PoA? You can use a therapeutic fib to get her in to an appointment..."Social security (or Medicare) now requires an annual exam to confirm your benefits" And then if you get her there have a prepared note that says you are concerned about her cognitive condition and to please perform an exam and also test her for a UTI. Other than that if she needs to go to the ER for any reason you can ask to have her assessed there and then can be transitioned directly into a facility, if that's what works best for the both of you.
In your profile you say that she lives with you. Perhaps it's time to be thinking of placing her in a memory care facility. They will have Dr.'s on staff that can prescribe any needed medications, and will be better equipped to deal with her. Taking her to a Dr. to find out what "level" her dementia is, is really quite useless, as she will only continue to get worse, and there are no treatments as of yet for any of the dementias, with the exception of a few drugs that are hit or miss at best. So at this point you must now do not only what is best for your mom, but also what is best for you, and I believe you already know that that means she must be placed. Best wishes.
Its not the level that you need to find out but the type of Dementia she has. Some Meds work for some and not for others. She definitely would need something for the paranoia.
Welcome to the forum. If you give more information it’s easier to get more relevant answers.
If the behavior is new or accelerated it could be a UTI. She can be tested at an urgent care. Once treated you might find her more willing to cooperate.
With dementia, she has little control over her hijacked brain. I would drop the testing conversation. If you notice she has short term memory loss then it does little good to gain her agreement on a course of action. She won’t remember. she just knows that no is the safest feeling answer if you are asking her to go.
Alternately, you can make the appointment. Go out for ice cream, stop off at the office for “your” appointment and have it prearranged with the neurologist for the testing. Then go get the ice cream.
You might even ask for an initial Telemed appointment. Those work well with my DH Aunt, 94 with dementia.
For your own peace of mind, walk away from ugly talk. Don’t respond, argue or try to persuade her that she is wrong or confused. Her mind can’t absorb that. It’s very hurtful and does you no good to listen to it. Start getting her a sitter so you can leave the house on regular intervals. You don’t need her permission. The better care you take of yourself, the better you will be able to care for her.
Thank you all for your answers. I will take bits from each of you and decide a course of action, which will probably be memory care and Ice cream! Thanks.
So, you are her PoA? If not, then it's probably going to need to be the county as guardian that will need to manage her medical and financial decisions moving forward. It can differ by state and county.
By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington.
Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services.
APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid.
We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour.
APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment.
You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints.
Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights.
APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.
I agree that:
A.
I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information").
B.
APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink.
C.
APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site.
D.
If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records.
E.
This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year.
F.
You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
Taking her to a Dr. to find out what "level" her dementia is, is really quite useless, as she will only continue to get worse, and there are no treatments as of yet for any of the dementias, with the exception of a few drugs that are hit or miss at best.
So at this point you must now do not only what is best for your mom, but also what is best for you, and I believe you already know that that means she must be placed. Best wishes.
If the behavior is new or accelerated it could be a UTI. She can be tested at an urgent care. Once treated you might find her more willing to cooperate.
With dementia, she has little control over her hijacked brain. I would drop the testing conversation. If you notice she has short term memory loss then it does little good to gain her agreement on a course of action. She won’t remember. she just knows that no is the safest feeling answer if you are asking her to go.
Alternately, you can make the appointment. Go out for ice cream, stop off at the office for “your” appointment and have it prearranged with the neurologist for the testing. Then go get the ice cream.
You might even ask for an initial Telemed appointment. Those work well with my DH Aunt, 94 with dementia.
For your own peace of mind, walk away from ugly talk. Don’t respond, argue or try to persuade her that she is wrong or confused. Her mind can’t absorb that. It’s very hurtful and does you no good to listen to it. Start getting her a sitter so you can leave the house on regular intervals. You don’t need her permission. The better care you take of yourself, the better you will be able to care for her.
We we’re able to place my mother in a Memory Care without getting my mother to a doctor’s office.
The facility sent a nurse out to evaluate Mom. She evaluated mom, and added to her assessment our anecdotal evidence.
Mom CLEARLY needed Memory Care.