She lives with us - my 13 year old son and me. She refuses to go to a doctor. I can't physically drag her to my car. She punches me. She thinks we steal her stuff every day (we don't. She just hides her stuff in her room. And forgets, but she'll punch me while I'm sleeping accusing me of stealing her phone or underwear or safe.) We can't afford to put her in a home or have home help. I'm scared. I just want her to get a diagnosis and get some meds maybe? Anything to help.
The hospital said to call the council on aging. The council on aging said to call the hospital. I'm thinking the next time she punches me in should just call 911, but I can't afford to be locked out of my apartment for disruption.
HELP. If it weren't for my son I think I may have killed myself by now.
Dont announce to her that you are calling 911– just go in the other room and dial
Tell them mom has to be taken to the ER. You "suspect a UTI", because she is violent. Don't mention dementia. They may not take her to the ER, if you do.
Refuse to take her back from the emergency room. Say "This is an unsafe discharge" over and over, until it sticks. "I cannot take care of her any longer. I am not available".
They will have to find a place for her. She will go to a facility with "Medicaid Pending". You do not have to foot this bill.
Refuse any "help" they will give you to take her home. They WILL NOT help.
I was bedridden with stress when my mother lived here for 6 short weeks. This forum saved my sanity.
Read and keep reading, here. You have options.
Then as suggested by others, tell staff she is an unsafe discharge. Do not accept any promise to help you if you take her back home. Do not. Make sure they understand that your mental health is being impacted. She stays there, until they can discount a UTI, or complies with meds to address her agitation.
You should ask to speak to a social worker at the hospital to discuss next steps, since you cannot care for her at home. She may need to become a ward of the county and get assigned a court-appointed guardian. If this happens then they will take care of her needs and place her. It isn't a perfect solution, but it is a solution if you accept it as such.
You're right to be scared. She is mentally ill, and she could kill you. Fo the sake of your son, don't let her do that. Make a plan and stick to it. I wish you luck in dealing with this.
I explained to the hospital that I could not keep my mother safe (suicide and wandering) plus she was threatening us adults AND OUR CHILDREN. They were teens, but still minors and not about to verbally or physically engage their grandmother.
THIS CANNOT CONTINUE FOR THE SAKE OF YOUR SON. You are obligated to your SON, not to your mother. You are his protector. He is living in chaos and it will change his entire life if you allow it to continue.
You can try calling APS, but ultimately you will be left, I do believe, with the proverbial ER DUMP. Google it. It's out there.
You have not to allow yourself and your son to be abused in this manner.
Take care of it today.
Caregiving is a long, difficult road, and we're happy you have found the support of others here on this site. However, there are limits to what untrained members of the forum can provide for you.
If you are experiencing thoughts of suicide, please reach out to experts at the 24/7 Suicide and Crisis Lifeline by dialing 988 or visiting https://988lifeline.org/