Hey fellow caretakers,
I wanted to share the ending to my caretaking journey with my grandmother. I haven't posted much on here but boy have I read a lot! I have learned so much from all of you and thanks for all the helpful advice that is provided here. This forum help me when I suffered caretaker burnout (which by the way is very serious). Please pay attention to your stress levels and do what you can to get much needed breaks. I refused help from others because I felt it would interrupt how I wanted things done because after all I had the responsibility of her care 24/7. I was wrong for doing that. If you are in a similar position please reconsider pushing people away. It might be somewhat of a nuisance to "entertain" people when they come to your home to visit the loved you but it is best to relieve yourself. I don't know how I did it for almost 2 years but I did and now it is over.....
Grams had vascular dementia and was incontinent and slightly able to stand with assistance, She came in and out of lucidness many times and at times she had a lovely sense of humor and at others she was not so pleasant. She had episodes of extreme paranoia that were almost mentally unbearable. The kind where you want to throw the towel in and run.
Fast forward to October 27 2019 5pm we were headed to her birthday party with all the family waiting. Gram was alert and very talkative. She seemed to be having a good time at the party. We went home and gram settled in for some price is right. Everything normal. We did her nightime ritual and she even ate a snack and off to bed we all went. My husband doing his nightly check on gram he felt something was not right. He turned on the light and realized gram wasn't breathing. He woke me up panicking and I ran to see what was going on. Gram was gone. A little after midnight, and that was it. She literally made it through to her 100 birthday.
It has only been a couple of days but I have crazy emotions guilt that I could've done better, sadness that she is no longer alive and relief that the journey has come to an end. I love her and miss her and she is finally my grandma again.
pay attention to how you are feeling. A friend of mine looked after her mother for the last six years of her life. First at home and then in care. She had dementia and a large balloon of blood in her chest which could have burst at any moment and kill her but she still lasted two more years. My friend’s level of constant anxiety was high. She became very sick and had a breakdown when her mother died
your body has to adjust to a new way of being. Just like shaking a bottle of soda water you have to let the built up pressure out a little bit at a time or it just explodes
This story gave me chills! Thank you so much for sharing this. Your grandmother deserves this tribute.
What a beautiful and touching testimony from a lovely granddaughter to her wonderful grandmother. No doubt your grandmother was loved. I’m sure she loved you very much.
I relate to this story. I adored my grandma too. I felt nothing but love from her. So sweet. It’s a special relationship, isn’t it, grammyshelper.
Cherish your memories. Please share some of those memories with us. I would love to hear them! I just know they would make me smile 😊.
You have no reason to feel guilty, please don't entertain that lying emotion.
May God grant you grieving mercies and comfort during this time.
She was blessed to have you and your love. I personally think that I would like to have my last day be as lovely as hers was. What a great way to go. You did yourself proud.
Hugs! Thank you for sharing your story, it is beautiful and poignant.
Even so, of course you won't miss her any the less. Wishing comfort to you and your family.