I'm trying not worry about when the money runs out! Is there anything else I may not be aware of?

Dear Autumn 50. When mom was in assisted living. Did they keep adding on care things? Before I go that route I need to consider all things. If we sell house she should have 3 to 4 years funds. The home care route is starting to wear thin. Bills, washing floors ,grass, groceries home repairs. Moody caregivers. Living 50 mins away. Giving everyone breaks. So far into it for 3 years. Moms vitals better than mine. Any info on possible cost would be appreciated.

cr0105: Yes, I understood your OP and read it multiple times. As you "throw into the mix" that you're having multiple health issues/problems for YOURSELF and this DOES have a bearing on how you provide care, my response was two-fold and encompassed issue #1 for you and #2 for your mom.

As others have suggested, hire an elder law attorney, it’s never too early. It’s looking like mom may have to go on Medicaid. I have just started this process as mom has come to an end of her time at assisted living in that she now requires a level of care that assisted living is not able to provide. If they could, it comes with a hefty price. Her pensions (her own and my dad’s survivor benefit) do not cover the assisted living monthly amount ($5,000+). She has been in assisted living for 29 months and has depleted her savings.

Have you checked into a residential home. A bit cheaper and more one on one. Maybe that could stretch money for another year and half. My dad hollored "don't get government involved." I need a situation that can stand alone without me. Everyone's lined up behind the eight ball and guess who that is!?

Good morning. If your parent live long enough they will eventually run out of money. We will all have to apply for Medicaid, unless we want to bring them into our homes. I cannot. My fears at that time while on Medicaid are possible doctor bills , hair appointments, if they are hospitalized do they get to come back to their room. I too, just came back from a day at moms house with caregiver. Mom has urinary infection which I suspected, and care giver borrowed $20 from mom for pizza. But I pay $10 food allowance a day. Go figure. Dear Cr I too am trying to figure out the future because moms vitals are better than mine. I will check this particular post often because I find it the closest to my situation.

Llamalover47, I'm doing all those things.

I feel exasperated because you appear to have all these answers having to do with MY future...but did you even read my original question? I was asking about what to do to prepare for MY MOM'S. I stated she will have to go on Medicaid...and I stated that I am aware of the 5 year lookback.

You might read the full post before answering.

I probably sound snippy but that's my mood tonight. It feels like everything I post a question about here gets misconstrued. Do i really suck that bad at expressing myself??

Cr0515: Okay, here is a better answer. Seek out a good investment counselor. Put into your portfolio long-term care
Save money by using apps like Ibotta, Wal-mart Savings Catcher, BEVRAGE, Hip2Save, AARP plus every stores' and restaurants' reward card. That is strictly for you. For your mother, yes, she will have to apply for Medicaid. Be careful because you will have to have  the 5 year lookback.

People should see a elder law attorney sooner rather than later. They generally go as the money is running out after they have been paying $9000/month for a nursing home. Don't wait that long especially if it's only one parent in a NH and that's burning through both parents savings. I found out, through preplanning, that there is a lot that can be done to get them on medicare. Don't give into their SS is too high or they have too many assets. Those can be dealt with. See a lawyer and see if they can get on medicaid now not later.

I, too, would like to know more about ChrisA1's money management methods.

moecam, THANK YOU!!! Verrrry. Helpful. Answer.

Llamalover47, your answer is vague because that is EXACTLY what I am asking advice for...how to take action so I do not have to worry. If I was content to just sit around and worry, I wouldn't have asked what to DO.

ChrisA1, please, please, PLEASE ELABORATE on what you mean when you say, "If you manage her money properly, you never run out of money."

If you manage her money properly, you never run out of money.

I am so happy to find others similar to our case. So far all ducks in a row. Sibling wants mom placed. No help. Visits mom once a week. Walks right over dirty floor. I realize I look like the bag lady after I come home from moms. Giving caregiver much needed break. Buying groceries, washing floors, trying to get mom to shower. Taking her out. I do this 3 days a week, driving 45 mins. One- way. Have 3 years worth of monthly files down to every jr. cheeseburger I have bought. I feel it's time to place mom, but what's the best choice? Residential(more one on one), AL memory care(no Medicaid) or NH!with Medicaid after 3 years? Moms 87, dementia(she just can't seem to do anything without someone telling her), but physically fit as a fiddle.

Dear Ihave2, sorry if that was unclear..what I mean is that Mom's AL is currently costing all her monthly income PLUS an additional $400 pulled from her savings each month. Rent is around 3,000 per month. Then there are the other medical Co-pays, etc., etc., etc..

Dear don't ask, yes I take my position very seriously indeed! After discovering my brother had been mishandling Mom's funds, I take great pride in the way my husband and I have been taking care of things, including accurate records, prepaid funeral, and only money going out is for Mom's expenses. In fact we often cover little incidentals ourselves. We love Mom dearly and are trying to do right by her in every way. The rest of my siblings don't get involved at all.. I guess they trust me. And, I was a bookkeeper for a number of years in various offices so I suppose they trust that I am quite capable.
4Him, and others, we had an elder lawyer take care of all documents. Everything is in place & I know we can hire the same attorney when we feel the time is right.

Dear cr1015. How did you get AL for $400 a month from savings. We're pulling at least $3k a month. Thank you for any help.

Now can I ask your opinions? I have started my homework on placing mom. I have found. Nice residential home that takes up to six cost about $5k. Most memory care AL are not Medicaid here in NE oh. Or do I go with NH right from start with Medicaid when money runs out?Mom 87 dementia but no physical problems. Funds along with aid and attendance and soc sec should go 3 years. I am totally exhausted over this and I know I'm blessed that my parents saved over their lives. I lay on my couch and try to figure what I would want. How do you plan someone old frail and alone life? Without giving up your own.

I thought I was reading my own story. I love you guys. Up every night at 2:45 worrying about when money runs out. I have been handling parents for last 3 years in the home. 24/7 care last 2. Dad passed in July 2016. Mom dementia. She carries on about staying in her own paid off home. At one point house will have to be sold to supplement care and I will have to place my mom. Oh do I get sick thinking about it. She is very mobile and very good health. I am trying to give myself one summer off of thinking. But it's not that easy.

You have already taken the first & probably most important step by reaching out to this site - if only to see other points of view & ideas - so now take what information you feel fits your situation & go forth

Set up a small work book [loose leaf if you can] with each step & item needed to be taken care off on a new page or 2 - take a few weeks to set this up by writing some items down then walk away for a week or 2 then come back to reassess things if need adjusting -

This will be a slower process than last time as nothing is critical so take your time but meanwhile some stress should go down because you are doing something positive towards your end goal - nothing says everything must be done in 2 days

Take weeks off at a time to be emotionally strong for this & stay up on your own health because it will not be so good for your mom to go to your funeral! - don't feel guilty spending some of her money consulting experts in their field to benefit her as this should be looked as an investment her future & is a wise move on your part possibly saving even more in long run

By now, you can take what you find here & start - all these brains with experience means more power to you & more help for your mom - break down bigger jobs into bite size pieces - I make a master list & enjoy all the crossed off item which gives that sense of accomplishment that we all need - good luck

Instead of worrying about it, take action to prevent it.

Sorry, didn't read all comments, too long. Four years is a while yet. Does her AL except Medicaid after, lets say, two years of private pay? If so, when the time comes they should help you thru the Medicaid red tape. U will need to do this about 90days before money runs out. I think for now u should just enjoy Mom and be glad she is safe, cared for and feed. Give yourself a break. I know, I am a worrier too. I am trying to learn to let things just fall into place.

Well, what you never mentioned is whether or not the patient has a preneed at this particular age because they could go anytime, leaving the family to foot the bill if the preneed is not in place. The first thing you're going to need to pay close attention to is getting her preneed done at her choice of funeral home because you're going to one they need that when she passes. Too many times an unexpected death leaves the rest of the family burdened with the bill all because people don't take responsibility for their own mortality and end up burning the families they love or claim to love. I don't know if your loved one ever made a preneed with their local funeral home, but the time to do that is now and not later.

Find out what her final wishes are and make sure they are honored in the pre-need funeral plan. It would be a very smart move to use some of the money to pay for the preneed ahead of time before that time. Smart people are constantly thinking of this and actually save up the money and arrange their own funerals so they don't end up burdening anyone else with the bill. The worst time to be burdened with a bill is after a loss, which is why I said smart people plan ahead and this would be the perfect time to use some of her money and pay for her funeral ahead of time in the form of a pre-need. It may take a while to save that kind of money, but if she has it now, set that up now and not later. Also having the funeral home in your emergency contacts is another smart move. 

Having them as an emergency contact in case of death will assure the person is taken to the funeral home of their choice. 

One thing to remember is if you  put off your own preneed for long enough, someone else will end up making those decisions for you, and it may not be what you want done with you when you go. Be wise and set up your own preneed by making your own plans while you still can. If you run into money, that's the first thing that should be covered. Be wise and set up your own preneed by making your own plans while you still can. If you run into money, that's the first thing that should be covered. I know when my pending estate case is settled, I'm not only going to buy a well needed car with that money, but I'm also going to make my own arrangements and pay for them in advance so I don't burden anyone else with the bill if anything happens to me. 

A final thought is if you mentioned you've been handling your mom's financial affairs for a while. I hope you're keeping very good records and only spending the money on her. You're in a position of high responsibility and expectations, please be honest and don't fall into temptation like so many other people do. It takes an awful lot of trust to give someone else  responsibility over your finances because this is a huge risk these days and times where so many people fall right into temptation and end up taking advantage of the person for whom they are handling money. When people take advantage, the person the money belongs to ends up going without their own needs because someone has spent their money they weren't even entitled to. I have a pending case right now investigating a POA who exercised those powers after my dad died and no one contacted me until UniCARE ended up finding me. The very people who were supposed to have contacted me right after my dad died never contacted me. I just found this out recently after a little investigation and a little bit of digging. Between the funeral home and dad's former POA, someone was supposed to have contacted my local police department who was supposed to have contacted me  about his death didn't do so. This turns out to be very suspicious and pointing more and more to the fact that the POA may not have only broken the law in exercising POA after dad's death but may have also taken advantage of him when he was in an incapacitated state of alzheimer's for years before his eventual death. 

I send a strong warning, please, don't fall into temptation handling someone else's money, many people out there are grieving even more when they find out someone has taken their relative for a ride and this is often not discovered until after the person died. It's bad enough to lose a relative, even worse to find out someone took advantage of that person when they were incapacitated. 
I'm telling you as a survivor, please, do your duties well, and don't fall into temptation. If you ever start feeling burn out, turn for help and let someone else take over but make sure it's someone trustworthy and preferably someone without money troubles who has never gotten into trouble over taxes or any other financial matter. Make sure the person you turn to does not have a criminal record that involves money or any other serious crime if you must turn for help during a period of burnout. 

You have done. Terrific job of getting servicea and funds in place!!! It takes a village to make these things happen. As suggested by others: team of family members or geriatric counselor. Also find a support group, we must learn to live in today to maintain our balance so we can continue to be there for our loved ones !

You say that your mother is getting aid from the VA. Know that when your mother is in hospice the VA will pay in full for care at a VA contracted facility. Hospice is supposed to be the last six months of life but it can last longer than that. Also keep pursuing the aide and assistance. Ps it sounds like you have done a terrific job of keeping expenses down and I agree with others who say it's time to take care of yourself and quit worrying about the costs. 

cr0105, I was in very much the same situation with my dad with A-fib, CHF, dementia, and some tough medical situations that nearly took his life. We moved him to AL after one of these events thinking it would not be long before the Father called him home and there would be no worries with money. While we have since moved from the AL side to the nursing side, dad at 93 is still with us despite the complications from the above. He has been on hospice now for a year, baffling lots of us, and burning through his money at $9000/month NH costs.

I strongly urge you to talk with an elder care lawyer now. Most provide a free consult so you can go to a few to see which one "fits" you. The money for the lawyer you hire (if you choose to do so) will come out of your mom's savings and IMHO it was one of if not the best uses of my dad's money. Our lawyer operates with "full disclosure," and these are key words and actions to be sure there's nothing "funny" that will come back to haunt you later. Otherwise, other than taking dad's paperwork to the lawyer and letting them sort through it all, I have had essentially no stress in the process of getting my dad started on Medicaid. They have taken care of it all, all the meetings with the county, all the organization, all the calls, etc., and for the flat fee that we paid they handled this initial start on Medicaid and will take care of the 1st year renewal if dad is still with us at that time. It was a lot of money, I admit- nearly $8000- but the lack of stress when I was already having major symptoms of being burned out was absolutely worth it to keep my health and to be able to be there for my dad emotionally and physically. I have read too many experiences on this site from others who have tried to do it themselves and have run into roadblocks. Talk about stress!

My only regret, in all seriousness, was that I did not go to an elder care lawyer when dad first when into AL so that I would know how to prepare. Every state is different, so what is required for me in OH may or may not be the same for you. You need to know what is needed for your particular situation and an experienced lawyer can help with that.

Thank you all. I really appreciate your feedback! !!

I wish I had some good advice for you, but unfortunately I am another caregiver in the same situation. When my dad died ten years ago and I started helping mom with her finances, it looked like she would have enough to last for twenty years, until she was 100. Then came the move to AL (and now memory care) and the drop in interest rates on her savings. The predicted $1,000 monthly drain on her savings became a $3,000 drain and now a $5,000 drain. Mom is 90, in good physical health with moderate to advanced AD. In the near future I will pre-pay her funeral and apply for Aid and Attendance. After that, it will be a quick slide to Medicaid. I am trying not to worry in advance, but it is almost always on my mind. I think caregivers are worriers and planners by nature.

I think you are worried without a lot of reason right now.

Last year, I worried over Mom's finances, and built spread sheet. Did look ups on the actuarial tables, etc. built a plan for 7 years.

Since these last 5 months, Mom has been going down hill. In the last 2 weeks the decline has been very dramatic! I doubt she will last till Christmas now.

Wait at least a year. Everything can change so fast!

Good advice, Rainmom

We run out of money in 24 months and I say we since I'm contributing for private caregivers

I have decided to not worry about the money the remainder of the summer and then I will make a short list of nursing homes to visit so that when the time comes I will have a sense of the next move - something I don't want to think about as it will mean mom will no longer have her doctor of the past 25 years or her comfy full size bed or the couple of nurses who she now trusts etc at her memory care facility