Trips with declining endurance. Any advice?
I would like to take my foster sons and grand-nephews closest in age (8,9,14,15) on a couple of trips during spring break and summer vacation to Charleston and Philadelphia. But, my endurance isn't what it used to be. I can purchase a folding cart and use it for long walks during a plantation or downtown tour and still walk through the historic houses or boats but I'm still worried about keeping up with the boys later in the day. One solution that has occurred to me is to offer my older grand-nephew (who will shortly be 18) some money to accompany us and help me keep an eye on the boys, particularly the younger pair.
I know some of you have expressed regrets over being "forced" into caring for older and younger relatives so I'm asking for some feedback. If I ask older grand-nephew, I feel he will basically feel he "has to" agree, although I believe he will enjoy the trip. He has always traveled with me before as a kid to be entertained, but this would be the first time asking him to take on some responsibility. I envision maybe sending him out with the credit card and the boys for supper while I eat room service in the room or helping me keep an eye on the littles as we tour the aircraft carrier.
Too much?
I understand that many large attractions have scooters available to rent, is that an option?
My granddaddy had a saying "one boy is a whole boy, two boys is a half boy, and three boys is no boy at all". While I agree there can be limited usefulness for an 18 year old in charge, he can be very useful to drive on a interstate or a local roadway and I believe he could handle a dinner out or maybe pick up carryout. Including the 18 yo, there would be 2 football players (5'10" and 6'2" at 190 and 230 lbs respectively) and I would not expect them to be bothered much either. I do not envision him as in charge very much but an extra set of eyes and feet to help me keep up with the younger boys. As I remember, boys that age can make quick progress through an aircraft carrier or a coast guard destroyer.
I think I would find it a bit worrisome to send him out at night in a car with so many in a strange city. Perhaps to a pool or restaurants in close proximity to the hotel? But then that might be close enough to walk. Without you they will look like a pack of boys. It is a lot of responsibility.
How about an interim day trip to test the waters? This could be a “rite of passage” as the boys mature.
I also think having to watch your little brother or grandma everyday of your life is quiet diff from getting to be “head boy” on a neat trip. It’s not that he should feel like he has to go. I would want him to want to go.
I see you as the stabilizing force but I don’t know the boys or how they currently interact. Is the 18 yr old a senior? Does he have a girlfriend? Are his break days the same as the younger boys?
He may have a hard time not being with his own age group on these important last days of high school.
There is a reason boys auto insurance is more expensive than girls until about the age of 25. There is more involved than physical stamina. I’m sure you know more about boys than I will ever know.
It is something to think about but I would also like to see you get a good physical and see if you can improve your health in the interim. You might also see if there are small tour groups the boys could be part of on the more strenuous portions of the trips.
I trust you TN to know the right thing. But remember you need to make it for the long haul. Don’t stress yourself out too much.
An 18yo boy would not be my choice as a helper for more reasons than one.
For me? Too much. Why not take 2 at a time, two since you are planning more than one trip.
Good Luck!
Good luck!
Legally he is an adult and judging from what you have shared, will be a great help to you and a good guardian for all the boys.
I don't have a problem with youngsters helping the family, as long as it isn't a daily requirement that hijacks their lives. They need to learn that everyone in the home and family contributes, that's how life works, that's what makes a family work.
When you ask the 18 year old make it clear that no is okay and even if he feels obligated he is not.
Buying a scooter is a great idea. Get one that goes fast, I can't keep up without hustling when my friend uses hers. Like faster then speed walking.
You are an awesome mom and Auntie. They are ALL blessed to have you.
Have a great time!
I think that you know your boys well enough to know if they're going to be responsible--you've done this traveling with them before. I also have some concerns about the cities and boys that age make really stupid decisions. I think Williamsburg is a great choice--history + a theme park! The 18 yo could probably navigate better with an Uber driver and you would be less worried.
I've never been to Charleston, so I can't weigh in on the relative safety. Philly by day is one thing, by night, when they would not be with you, is a little frightening.
It's really your call--you know the abilities and personalities of these boys. Can you trust them? Are they going to make some stupid decisions or will they recognize and respect YOU for doing all this?
I have to agree with the assessments of Philadelphia as a destination. A cousin of mine who's lived there most of his life finally left this past spring, because he said the crime is absolutely rampant and unchecked. His partner was robbed at gunpoint while walking their dog, and that was the last straw.
I commend you, though, for wanting to take the boys on educational trips. When I was 11, my folks took us on what I term "The Trip from Hell," a six-week road trip from New Orleans to Maine to Montana and back to California, and while I didn't love it at the time (they failed to take into account my tendency toward carsickness), I do still have great memories of Washington D.C., Atlanta, and Williamsburg in particular.
We took our kids to Washington D.C. when the youngest was about 10, and he was mesmerized by the Smithsonian Air & Space Museum and my other two (then 12 and 14) loved the medical museum at Walter Reed. They also enjoyed checking out the cemeteries behind our hotel in Alexandria, and they had some appreciation of the Capitol, Lincoln Memorial, and the Washington Monument, but that's because we specifically timed the trip for their ages when they were about to be or had just finished school years with U.S. History for their social studies classes (5th grade and 8th grade).
Honestly, I think the 8-year-old is not going to be very happy on either trip, and the 9-year-old probably won't be either. Is it possible to take the older two now and plan to take the others somewhere in a year, or at least take them somewhere closer to home and more kid-friendly -- and for a shorter duration?
As for your stamina, my aunt used to go on vacation with her daughters, and while she was in great shape and never needed a cane or a wheelchair, my cousins finally talked her into renting a wheelchair so they could cover more ground faster. These were all adults, however, and I'd be a little less inclined to have young kids trying to push me around town.
Charleston is a bit safer with the Patriots point museum with an aircraft carrier, sub, and destroyer and the middleton plantation. The last time I took boys there it took four days for them to tour the sites. They liked the river and carriage rides through the cane. Watching out for the alligators was fun too. The hundley will probably take an afternoon. There are malls around with good restaurants and movie theaters - very near where I intend to book our hotel.
I have traveled the US extensively and these cities before with young people. I assume security is worse now but believe with some help from current residents I will be able to chose safe locations and transportation. Or should I strike Philly entirely?
The boys are all fairly responsible (for their ages) and accustomed to obeying the boy in charge. Auntie is an auntie and just flatly refuses to take boys who are not interested in sticking to my rules. I only have to take them home once for them to learn that rule.
I intend to head for Charleston during spring break and Philly during the "no practice" timeframe for football in late June. Fun local day trips for the younger boys though the summer; their schedule is easier. They want to go to the zoo and aquarium.
The ships (and their guns) are unique enough to be fun for the boys, even at 8.
My spinal stenosis isn't going to get better. I drag my foot after walking a distance and there's pain if I go too far but for any reasonable duration I can still handle stairs and uneven ground. I think I could handle the trip alone now, but I don't want to find out I am mistaken while on the trip, so the 18 yo is a security blanket. Also, this might be the last chance for a trip with him before his own commitments close the door.
For example, when coming back from the Ft Sumter tour with my niece I had the opportunity to teach about parking garages. Is the elevator bank safer than the open air stairs? Should you park your car near the elevators or stairs or out in the open? Do you use your cell phone or ear plugs when walking in and around a parking structure? Have you checked the back seat before getting in the car? Do you have your keys in your hand and are you prepared to plant them someone's face? Do you know where you will retreat if attacked? What you will use and where you will target if the attacker is larger or if there's more than one? Keep criminals away from you. If they grap your purse or a package and run then let them go. If they demand your wallet then pitch it away. If they come at you be prepared to resist; don't ever get into a car - fight it out here as loudly as you can (you have a better chance of help here) - don't let someone get you to a remote spot of their choosing!
Life is not about not taking risk. It's about knowing the risks and "stacking the deck" in your favor as much as possible. Fortunately both PA and SC are stand your ground, reciprocal permit states, which means if threaten I can legally respond with deadly force.
We won't be traveling in high crime areas after dark or even in broad daylight. We will be in some "tourist" areas where we need to be paying attention to our surroundings even in daylight hours. I am confident in my ability to keep my kids safe, and live with the consequences if I need to defend them.
What a great opportunity for teaching them to pull their heads out of their phones and be aware.
Like I said, they are blessed to have you. You keep on doing you and the world is a better place for it.
Living or should I say not living because of fear is a terrible way to have a life, non-life??
Yes, he's 8 years old. And he knows more practical history than many of his teachers. I think it comes from hanging out with an aunt that has pedal powered sewing machines and organs and hand powered drills and saws and sausage mills around the house. My love of history and stories of how things were used and the men and women who made and used them are contagious... and I enjoy infecting the younger generations.
Of all that old stuff you have at your house, don’t you have a rocking chair? Just teasing. Just teasing.
Thank you for fleshing out the details more for us. Your enthusiasm for the trip is contagious. Life happens wherever we are and as much as I want it to be a perfect trip I will be happy when you are reporting on how successful it all was.
I swear you seem to be having the time of your life and wanting so much to provide that for others is inspiring. I’m glad the 18 yr old is onboard. Happy planning.