My 92 yo mother lost her second husband in January and can’t live alone because of short term memory loss. In February we moved her to an assisted living facility near me, (Her LTC policy does not cover “in-home” care.) but 900 miles away from her home of 40 years. It wasn’t an easy transition for her, but she was starting to adjust and enjoy the socialization, so things looked like they would be OK. Her LTC policy is set up that we pay the first 3 months of her stay before they start paying her bill, so up to this point we have paid 21K plus the moving expenses. AFTER 3 SHORT WEEKS, THE PANDEMIC HIT. It ravaged her building (at least 11 residents have died, and 50 more residents and workers were infected), she actually got sick, but has recovered 100%! Her building has been under complete quarantine restrictions for over 2 months now, all activities have ceased, and she is absolutely miserable. She is occasionally allowed to take a walk outside with a worker, but no visitors and no more socialization. We have no idea how long it will be this way - it could be several more months. I was allowed to bring her to my home for 10 days to quarantine with me at the end of our 3 months period, and she LOVED IT, but I was forced to bring her back to the “Covid prison” in order for the LTC policy to start paying her expenses. I can’t be her permanent caregiver, because I will be going back to work as a teacher this fall. There are a couple of other assisted living facilities near me that were NOT affected with Covid, and are allowing residents to have activities at a social distance, so I’m wondering if I should bring my mom to my home for the rest of the summer then MOVE her to a DIFFERENT facility in August? The LTC policy won’t reset until after 6 months have gone by, but we would have another entry fee and the hassle of moving her belongings again. She would also have another environment to adjust to, and her apartment would be smaller, but I would still be close. WHAT WOULD YOU DO???? Every day is a struggle to keep her from thinking about her old house and how much she wishes she was there. (“I want to go home”) Every day she cries. Every day I worry about how isolated and miserable she is, even though we connect via IPad or telephone. She has had her entire world turned upside down in 2020, and I feel the daily burden to help keep her positive and feel loved. Is it worth it to take her out of her current situation, have her with me for a couple of months, then move her to a different facility?
My mom was in a similar situation, Moved in on March 2. A couple of weeks later move in things began to change with Covid restrictions. First no off campus activities, then no communal dining, then only distanced visits outside, then no visitors at all.
We bougt her a Portal to video chat multiple times a day, but it seemed her dementia was on a sharp decline, the ever changing schedule and isolation weren't helping, sundowning. Wasnt bathin g, and in house salon services were cancelled, so her hair was a mess. Then a staff member that delivered meds got covid. Everyone extra quarantine in rooms, extra PPE for staff people coming in with gowns goggles face masks freaked her out. I was getting called by her all day at all hours.
I caved and brought her home with me, even though they said she couldn't come back until their restrictions are lifted She came here after 14 day quarantine
I regret it. They have had no other cases, and as of this weekend, they are now allowing visits sitting outside. She isn't any happier here, her dementia behaviours are not improving, she crys, she wakes me up, she has I am further isolated from my grandkids this summer. Its put stress on my husband. We got her bloodwork done and urine analysis all normal. The doctor said that the change from Aliving back to home may have caused further decline. She wants to call her parents, her husband, all lon deceased
She is on Zoloft, and Seroquel for anxiety and sundowning.
Im not even sure that at this point she should be in assisted living, should be in memory care.
I cant do this until a vaccine is available, I need to take her back somehow, but dont know I that will ever be possible. Consider the ramifications for you and family before making any changes. She wouldnt want this for me. I had the best we could get for both of us and I messed it up out of worry and guilt
But back to the topic at hand, I agree, please leave your mom where she is. Every facility is dealing with this too and another unheaval and adjustment doesn't really seem warranted at this point.
These are tough times for mostly everyone and hopefully some degree of normalcy will return to her life, and all of ours, soon!
I am so sorry you and your mom are going through this.
In my aunts neighborhood a couple were caring for his 99 yr old mom. She broke her hip. They, of course, took her to ER. After turning 100 in the hospital alone, she was sent home on hospice. Hospice worker tested positive. Couple both tested positive. (No symptoms). 100 yr old tested negative. She died a few days later while they were still in quarantine.
Any decision can be second guessed. There are many elements beyond your control. If you can convey calm assurance to your mother she will draw strength from that.
About the crying, check out this link. There are some benefits.
https://www.medicalnewstoday.com/articles/319631