Tips on getting caregivers to do their jobs?

o0MichaeL0o, perhaps you need to find someone else, if this person you hired is not able to do the job you hired him for and you can't trust yourself to converse with him calmly without getting angry over it.

Hmm ... you have a small business problem here, but there should be a solution.

First, you've already accomplished a great deal that many here envy you for. You have found a caregiver that your father not only accepts but likes and who in most respects is working out well. Congratulations! I think you are also correct that retaining the good aspects of this situation is better than starting over, going through training again, risky Dad not liking a new person, etc.

I think you have two choices. The first is what you asked our help with. Try to improve your employee's performance on this one task. I suggest you drop the attitude that that this is like getting kids to do chores and also that "It is not my problem to consider this employees feelings." Approach this as if you are a team, he is an adult, and his feelings and needs count. Do it for selfish business reasons. You'll get better results.

Then, try to figure out why this task isn't happening. How? By asking him, but asking it patiently enough so he might actually tell you. For example (just an example and it may not apply here) if my boss wanted me to to text her a list that involved more than 4 items every week I would bulk! Yes, I knew she wanted this list and it would be part of my job, but TEXT it? I hate texting! Hate those freakin' little pseudo keys that are too small for my fat fingers! But I am absolutely the best person she can find for the other aspects of the job. What could she do? Well, once she understood what the problem is she could offer me an inexpensive small real keyboard for my cell phone. Problem solved. (But she had to figure out what the real problem was, first.) Or maybe she could just let me jot down the list on paper throughout the week and read it into her voice mail.

Or maybe I'm extra good with people, but, boy details about things is not my strength. Then maybe a checkoff list and fill-in-the blanks form would be good. Check whether we need milk or not, and fill in what fruit Dad is fond of this week.

If my boss wanted me for my strengths she'd do her best to help me overcome my weaknesses.

If all else fails then you face your second choice: Do it yourself. This would delay the delivery by a a week. That might risk a little more spoilage, but probably not much. And the fact is, there is risk of spoilage regardless of when you get the list. Dad could love kumquats on Wednesday when CG texts or phones in the list. And by Saturday he may hate kumquats passionately. There really are only a few more days for that to happen if you do the inventory on Sunday and bring the groceries on Saturday. A certain amount of waste is inevitable in cooking for elderly people.

And treating the caregiver as a team member, how about brainstorming about how to avoid waste. If there are extra eggs toward the expiration date and/or Dad decides he doesn't like eggs, would it be a good time for French toast? Or make up a batch of pudding for dessert? Or milkshakes for afternoon snacks? He's decided he doesn't like grilled cheese this week? How about caregiver having grilled cheese and fixing Dad a tuna sandwich?

With goodwill and patience and workplace skills you may be able to work this out maybe not perfectly, but with at least some improvement.

While there may be a legitimate reason why the caregiver isn't meeting your expectations we all need to remember it is a job for them and our parent is not their parent
Maybe just ask him simply if he has a suggestion on how to get the grocery list to you - does he have good reading and writing skills ? Could he be dyslexic and is embarrassed or can't even do it ?

Michael,

1. Was the shopping list part of the work scope discussed when he was hired? If not, he might not consider it part of his job.

2. The fact that a shopping list is involved suggests to me that he's doing food preparation as well. Is that one of his responsibilities?

3. Plain fact is that he might not have time. He might seem to ONLY have 4 tasks, but as I understand he's responsible for changing and dressing your parent (?), changing the bedding, checking supplies and texting a grocery list.

Seems straightforward, but how many hours does he work? If he's only there a few hours at a time, he's already stretched to accomplish everything.

4. People in these agencies aren't paid well; they're not career jobs with advancement potential. Take that into account.

5. Help him by making a checklist of a different sort. List the items that run out more quickly, such as milk, juices, bread, etc. Have another section for supplies that don't need replenishment as often - toilet paper, butter, etc.

Put the list on the refrigerator or prominent place where he can simply check off what's used up, then and there at that time, rather than making up a special list.

Or better yet, design a text based list that he can simply fill in and send to you.

And do you know for a fact that he uses texting? (I blocked mine after getting unwanted messages from some religious nut.)

6. And put yourself in his position; imagine you're taking care of someone in someone else's house; what would workto help you remember your responsibilities?

7. Before getting more agitated, ask what YOU can do to help him, or ask him what steps you can take to help him perform his duties.

I'm not saying that I see this attitude in your post, but I recall other posts in which family have complained about caregivers. Their attitudes are so reminiscent of the Cinderella syndrome. They expect too much of people who are working for low wages and certainly don't have the most glamorous or exciting jobs.

Even professional people in business need to learn management skills. Caregivers could take lessons from that.

I asked for tips on encouraging someone to do a task they keep failing at. I was concerned about my temper preventing me from handling this appropriately. I don't need anyone passing judgement. I am here asking for tips. I don't need to be informed that managers need management skills. ;-)

I hired the caregiver to perform a job. Their duties were defined in advance. They accepted the job. The objective is caring for my father. It is not my problem to consider their feelings. If they did not want the job it was their responsibility to decline the offer.

Part of their payment includes providing room and board. Asking them to maintain a list of groceries is hardly asking too much of them. I perform the same duties and more when I am covering my father's care.

The grocery list is part of the scope of his responsibilities. We pay for his meals. He prepares meals for my father. He is there 24 hours 5 days per week. I do not have time and cannot leave to grocery shop when I am there. My father cannot be left alone. He is now too weak to go anywhere he does not have to. I work a full time job and commute an hour to be there on weekends. I have limited time to run errands after work. I need to know what is needed in time to be able to acquire it. I cannot always go on a certain night after work. I work late and traffic is a factor.

I know the caregiver has adequate downtime to make a run through the house for needs. That is the least efficient way, it would be better to jot things down as you are running out. Then do a fast run through in case anything was overlooked or forgotten. I know this can be done. I manage to perform the same duties he does and much more during the time I am there. I am the only one who bathes my father which is a 2-hour job with everything involved. I also take him to all of his numerous doctor appointments and frequent Emergency Room visits. Even with no days off there is plenty of time for me to think about supplies. But it does me no good if I do not have anyway of knowing what is needed before I have time to act on it.

Knowing the typical repeat items is not enough. There are things that do not run out often enough that I am caught unprepared for. There are things that expire like milk. At times I have discovered sour milk and duplicates of unopened milk other times. There is a tight budget and limited time. I am trying to avoid spending money on things that are not required.

Michael, I know how you feel wanting to have a caregiver who is very similar in how you would want to run the household. My Dad has 2 excellent caregivers but they don't do things the way I would want it done.... and it took me time to realize what was most important was that my Dad was happy with the caregivers. So I stepped back and let the caregivers work at their own speed and knowledge. This wasn't their first rodeo, but it was my first. Thus, I had a lot to learn.

And, Michael, I think you are becoming exhausted yourself since you work full-time, and then spend the whole weekend with your Dad. You aren't getting any down time to enjoy yourself. Could your Dad afford to have weekend caregivers during the day? Or in the morning? That way you can take inventory of what is needed and shop while there. That would be less pressure for you.

As for texting, how I hate to text. If someone texts to me they will get back usually an one word answer such as "yes", "no", "Call". I spent most of my adult life using a typewriter or a large computer keyboard.... so trying to type on something the size of a Hershey bar isn't easy :P

Michael, I believe it is completely reasonable to expect a caregiver to keep track of basic essentials when they are involved in food preparation. In your case in which they receive meals as payment they are personally effected when food runs out. My gosh they are adults not children. Bologna to those assuming this person is underpaid. I don't see where their wage has been disclosed here.

A Tip:

One thing I have found that can be constructive is to create a schedule/chart that acts as a sign reminding the person of a task. Include some sort of space to fill in their performance. Note the actual time they reported information. This would also note if they didn't report at all. You could use colored highlighters to demarcate good and poor performance, say green for good, orange for late and red for doing nothing. Allow time to accumulate a track record then if it is not improving enough talk about it again in front of the posted chart/schedule. This time it won't be all words and ideas. There will be a visual history to reference. Chances are they will learn that more green is better than orange and red.

When you introduce the plan talk about the whole thing with them explaining why it is so important to do it on a certain day and at a certain time and the consequences of not meeting the deadline (its impact on your father's care not punishment for the caregiver).

I would not recommend any punishment for something like this. You want to encourage a healthy relationship not create an atmosphere of slavery. I realize they are being paid but you have to think of it as developing a working relationship everyone is happy to participate in and avoid being the task master cracking a whip.

Good luck!

I'm wondering how he responds when you discuss this issue with him? Seems like a reasonable requirement to me, given your situation. If it's the only issue you have with him, and he's otherwise competant, I understand your not wanting to make changes. I keep a notebook/diary in my mom's room, on a table next to the the caregivers chair. ask the caregivers to jot down pertinent things about mom each day, such as how she ate, if she had a good day etc... Perhaps that would work for you, and you have a place for an ongoing grocery/needs list?

Additionally, my father does not require social time. He prefers to be left alone. He naps a lot. He needs monitoring but a camera helps so you do not have to jump at each noise that might resemble him moving around the house. There is a lot of downtime.

So sorry. People tend to get off topic. I see no problem with aide getting you a grocery list and it waas part of his hiring. I don't care how much money they r paid, he is employee. Minimum wage doesn't mean you shurk u duties. I have a white board on my fridge, as something runs out or gets low I put it on the board. Maybe u can suggest this. If u haven't tried, ask him why its so hard to do this.