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Just re-acquinted dad with the word pretend.. u can at least try to pretend u like seeing me.. then ignored him outside of general conversation.. I'll see if it is worked next time I visit?
Please come back and tell us how you get on with ‘pretend you like me’. It would take quite a bit of understanding and motivation on Dad’s part to see the point and co-operate. Almost a dementia test in itself!
If your father suffers from Alzheimers/dementia, you can tell him anything you'd like but the chances of him understanding or retaining what you tell him are very slim. If he's a moody man who's in an agitated mood, then he's likely to take it out on you no matter what you say or do. Next time you visit you'll be lucky if he remembers anything at all about your last visit, to be honest. Dementia causes an elder to forget new information they've heard from one moment to the next. And also for some of them to be the MOST toxic with those closest to them, and those who do the most FOR them.
Your best bet is to leave dad's presence if he gets too snarky with you, and let him know WHY you're leaving, too. Let him know you're leaving b/c of his behavior and you'll be back another time when he's in a better mood. Dementia or not, he may respond better to your actions than to anything else. My mother was able to understand "Uh oh, my daughter is leaving or hanging up the phone b/c I'm acting way too snotty" in pretty short order. If she wanted company, she had to act civilized, so for the most part, she DID. Otherwise, I'd get up and leave.
By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington.
Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services.
APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid.
We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour.
APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment.
You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints.
Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights.
APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.
I agree that:
A.
I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information").
B.
APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink.
C.
APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site.
D.
If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records.
E.
This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year.
F.
You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
Your best bet is to leave dad's presence if he gets too snarky with you, and let him know WHY you're leaving, too. Let him know you're leaving b/c of his behavior and you'll be back another time when he's in a better mood. Dementia or not, he may respond better to your actions than to anything else. My mother was able to understand "Uh oh, my daughter is leaving or hanging up the phone b/c I'm acting way too snotty" in pretty short order. If she wanted company, she had to act civilized, so for the most part, she DID. Otherwise, I'd get up and leave.
Good luck
He needs short simple statements.
If he loved you before he began to lose his cognitive skills, he may love you now OR not remember how he felt about you, OR not remember you at all.
If he’s treating you badly, give him a big hug and say “I love you, and I’ll see you soon”, turn around and walk out.
Don’t linger, don’t say a lot of extra stuff, JUST LEAVE.
Tough to do, but hanging around doesn’t help you and doesn’t help him.
A year ago, she would have held onto that idea for maybe 5 minutes.
The year before that, maybe for 12 hours.
So, with that trajectory, any thought of her “pretending” would never have had much success.