After mom died this past year, dad (90) had the will rewritten in a much simpler fashion -- 50/50 split between my sister and I (except he has told me she gets his car since he is giving me my mom's car this month, which is fine with me, I'm not telling her so when the time comes she is going to be happily surprised).
Last week dad contacted his financial managing firm and had them draw up papers distributing gifts in perpetuity to a number of organizations, charities, and his sister, with the remainder being split between my sister and I. Wouldn't the will override this change to his financial account management? And does "in perpetuity" mean that my sister and I will have to continue giving gifts of a set amount to these organizations, charities, and his sister?
I'm so confused. But I am more concerned that my father is either confused himself or being taken for a ride. The lawyer was supposed to be involved in all these phone calls with the financial management firm but they said they couldn't get him conferenced in.
I told dad I want to speak to his lawyer and he asked me to wait until next week while he attempts to contact him again. My sister is under the impression that the lawyer may have washed his hands of my father since it appears dad doesn't take the lawyer's advice.
I would have no issue walking out on a situatuon in which there was documented abuse
Each time he hits/pokes you, call 911 and have them transport him to hospital for a psych eval, or if not, simply doc that he has hit you.
You don't need to put up with this simply because he has dementia.
As for the abusive husband Mrs. Gray Grammie won't be leaving him so there is no point to encourage her to do so. I am very sorry that the only way you will know freedom is when he passes.
A will tends to cover "stuff" not in the trust -- Mom's jewelry, the baseball card collection, cars that aren't titled in the trust, etc., and the trust would cover the financial stuff and big ticket items like real estate and cars. A large estate that only has a will is subject to probate, which isn't the best way to preserve one's funds. That's why people make trusts.
If he has enough money to be setting up gifts in perpetuity, I'll bet he has a trust. Also, his lawyer doesn't work for you and won't talk to you without Dad's permission.
I'm going to guess your dad just simplified the "stuff" part of his will by taking your mom's name off it (not necessary, but some folks do it anyway), and perhaps removing other bits and bobs he might have intended to leave to others. His sister might have been one of those people, and it sounds like he set up other arrangements for her.
It sounds a tad money-grubbing to be all concerned about this right at the moment unless your dad is not competent to be making these decisions, in which case you'd better get that documented by his doctor and the evidence taken to his attorney.
If he's competent, you can ask him if he has a trust, and he can tell you -- or not.
Sounds like your dad allocated specific accounts to be paid to charities as the named beneficiaries with a percentage of the value distributed annually, hence in perpetuity. This has nothing to do with what his will bequeathes to anyone else.
If you believe that he is unable to understand what he is doing then you should have a meeting with him and his attorney so that it can be explained and ensure that his wishes are what he actually set up.
Complex arrangements to tie things up are usually only appropriate in very large estates. The simplest answer is that either this is not competent, or that your father doesn’t understand or remember. Take these documents to the lawyer, preferably before father signs them (although he can always get rid of them on the lawyer’s advice).
Lawyers will usually keep going if they are getting paid, but if this is a small estate, your father wants complex arrangements and then changes his mind, your sister may be right and the lawyer may think it’s all a waste of time. Get it sorted out and try to convince Father that it can’t be changed again.
It is legally binding to handle assets this way.
It's also a bit troubling that your father is apparently having trouble getting in touch with this attorney.