I have four boys ages 16,9,7,and 10 month old baby. My dad is 68 years old and has cirrhosis of the liver from IV drug use and pancreatic cancer probably from smoking for many years. My dad gets really sick sometimes and we have to take him to the emergency or urgent care! My older sister lives very close to him about 15 minutes away, while I live 45 minutes away. Every time my dad gets sick and needs to go to the emergency my sister who has NO kids calls me and demands that I pack up my kids and meet her at the emergency, she says that it's not fair that she goes and I don't. She makes me feel terrible and tells everyone in the family that I'm not helping. Which is not true I took care of my dad through my whole pregnancy with my last baby, I didn't even get to enjoy being pregnant because I was taking care of my sick dad! I feel bad for my dad but he made the choice when he put those dirty needles in his arm, should I keep putting my kids through the hassle of sitting in a waiting room because my sister thinks it's fair? My sister goes nightclubbing on the weekends while I'm taking care of my family and doing chores. Also. I bring my dad to my house three days out of the week to care for him. My sister visits him when he's at home for 1-2 hours and then leaves, I can't keep doing this I don't get a break for myself ever, I'm always taking care of someone! I chose to have kids not a sick dad, my dads let's me do everything for him from cooking for him to cleaning up after him when he's at my house isn't that enough? Why should I drag my kids to the emergency when he gets sick, when my sister could take him by herself?
I'm going to borrow someone's phrase to day and sum thing up with it for I feel just too tired to write a lot. So, here it is.
If you are old enough to have 4 children, then your old enough to stand up to your dictatorial sister. She sounds very narcissistic. Set boundaries with her and protect yourself for she's not going to change and become Marry Poppins.
Take care of yourself and your own family.
Good night.
Oh! And now I've read your second post. Sorry, but my response to that is that your first and foremost responsibility is to your children. So, for God's sake, get a backbone. You must be the youngest. Stop it!
Tell your sister to get screwed. You do your part and then some. Stay home with those kids. Whatever happens to your Dad is largely his fault, not yours.
If you are putting your relationship with your dad ahead of your children, shame on you.
If you are putting your children through repeated emergency room visits to avoid telling your mother the truth -- you are doing enough to help your dad, that is selfish.
So my advice is to get your priorities straight and then grow a backbone.
Yikes. That sounds pretty harsh. Sometimes a kick in the pants is what we need to get us to look at things in a different light. I offer that kick once in a while. Others have been kinder, I am glad to see.
You are being superwoman. You deserve lots and lots of credit. You deserve a break. Superwomen look admirable right up until they burn out. Whether your father brought his condition on himself or he had no control over some condition that dropped on his out of the blue, you are doing terrifically by him to provide the level of care you do. Be proud. But you are not responsible for him. You are responsible for your children.
And allowing your sister to determine what is right for you, a mother, when she has no experience as a mother is just plain ludicrous.
Having said that, your sister should not be allowed to dictate your behaviors, nor should your mother's ill-informed opinions. Your own relationship with your father and your sense of obligation should dictate your actions.
About the kids though. No, you should not drag your kids to the emergency room. It's not fair to them. There's nothing they can do for your dad and there's nothing for them to do there, either. They need their sleep. They need to get their homework done. They don't need to sit in a hospital emergency room or urgent care just because their mother's there.
Can't the older kids watch the younger ones? How about their father(s)? How about a baby-sitter? Better yet, I suggest the next time this happens, call your mother and ask her to come stay with the kids while you go tend to your father. If she's so intent on pressing you to help him out, she should put her money where her mouth is and help make it possible for you to do so.
At some point, when there are too many ER visits, it means you are putting out small fires and not noticing that the house is on fire. Perhaps you all need to look at the bigger picture.
As others have mentioned, the emergency transportation (calling 911) is the response in an emergency. Don't go, you could get in an accident with all the distractions of kids, dad, and sister's demands.
I have heard it said on here, that people call heir sisters who behave like yours : ts. TS means twisted sister.
You might want to get some therapy for what is really going on underneath the family drama. God bless you and your children. Sorry to hear about Dad.
But as others have said, your children are your #1 priority. Anything else is a distant second. And your dad's needs come after your needs and your husband's needs. So work on letting the guilt go. Set limits about what you'll do - no more ER visits unless someone else can watch your children. And getting dad a higher level of care sounds like a very, very good idea to me.
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