Taking care of parents long distance during Covid period; what else can I do?

Putting the Coronavirus aside for a moment, do you feel that without it looming, they are capable of living on their own given what you’ve seen since you’ve been here? Or has the dementia become too much for your dad to handle on his own, bearing in mind that it will only get worse? I’d say you need to have an honest discussion with your dad, both about when you leave and about what is coming down the road a bit. Is he receptive to in home caregivers? To moving them both, or his wife to a facility if things get to be too much? My dad’s health has forced him to accept a helper, he was very hesitant but now he’s found that it’s really a godsend for him. It’s not 24 hours, can’t afford that, but it does help with many tasks and is a big safety net.

You have another 2 months & a lot can happen in that period of time.
Im assuming they’re live in a house, so there’s a yard, a car, no siblings.
If you can try to work with dad to get him on a schedule of doing errands and with a mask & gloves between now & then. Start with stuff like mask up to go outside and set / pick up garbage. Like he drives or knows how to Uber to the store during senior shopping hours by himself once or twice a week on a set schedule starting now with a mask on. Are they doing Meals on Wheels? instacart? If not maybe get those going.

perhaps get the Next Door app for you. If they live in a defined neighborhood that has it, I think it will be super useful even from afar. It’s vetted so if someone sketchy posts, others will call them out and stop that from happening.

Does their area do “Coffee with a Cop” or other police or fire Dept based check up with seniors program?
If this is the home you grew up in, I’d try to join your old high school alumni group. There’s likely to be others who either live with a parent in the old homestead or inherited parents home and will know names of service providers for you..... like plumber, or fence repair guy.
If you can possibly get for you a state driver’s license with their home address on it, I’d do that.

Im with Daughterof1930 that having a discussion with dad as to where to move mom when she gets to needing higher level of care and hiring an helper right now is worthwhile. Realistically try to find 2 places as future options before you leave. On the helper, I’d try to find one just as soon as stay at home orders are lifted, so they come in the 2 days that dad has his errands starting in May. So your mom is not left alone, even if it’s not health care aide but does bed linens swap, laundry, vacuuming and kitchen clean, makes and has lunch with mom.
what’s the plan on moms beauty shoppe? I’d see if there’s another customer who will pick your mom up once a week that’s going for thier own appointment. Then dad picks her up. They do need to wear masks!
Also if you haven’t already, get legal and banking updated. Personally I’d condense whatever possible financials to a single checking and savings acct with you as signatory on them and as the POD and get the names of couple of bank officers at the nearby branch and find out how best to wire $ in to them if need be.
Who is to be their POA if you are out of the country? There realistically needs to be someone local to be a MPOA for them. For financial DPOA if you plan on coming into the states periodically I don’t think you need a second POA for financial.

Try not to helicopter over them these months here. You don’t want them getting less independent because you’re here now. So try to make time for just yourself that is not “ work”. If you still have friends from the past in the area, reestablish those friendships. There’s going to be others in the same situation as you and can be helpful if even just to have someone to vent to.

Try to do a series of recorded history from them And go thru old photos with them and label whose in the shots.

As a final thought, do a fire drill with them. If they have smoke alarms up and cannot manage to get pretty well out of the house between the two of them, please please think about getting them to move into assisted living together. As he can help her manage her time and then when that stops, she can move into MC or NH and he’ll be nearby. Best of luck!

flowermcv, good advice and insights given by Daughter and Igloo. My 2 cents is to remind you that your husband is priority over your parents. You will need to remember this as they become less independent and require more of your help. My other 2 cents is that IMHO agency hired care will be the wiser option. Because they vet their people and have final responsibility for anything that happens and for finding subs or replacement people. I live in MN and my 2 elderly LOs live in FL so I manage their care through a relative and a hired companion from Visiting Angels. Trying to rely on local relatives, neighbors, friends, clubs, churches, etc. will only go so far because none of them will be willing to care for them like a responsible, paid professional. And all you'll be doing is struggling to find "volunteers" and filling holes in their care and spending a lot of time stressing.

I especially agree with the suggestion to sit down and have a discussion with your dad (assuming he has a clear mind and good memory). Lay out the options to him and tell him this is all you are willing and able to do. Honestly, if he is even slightly amenable to moving to a senior living facility now, one that has the full spectrum of care, that would be the best solution. With a labor shortage (even after the lockdown ends) you will be spending hours trying to find reliable and trustworthy people to clean, do yard work, drive them places, etc. Some of that can be done through an agency helper, but not home maintenance, etc. As you make your decisions keep in mind that the way they are now is probably not the way they will be in a year -- the decline is hopefully slow, but constant -- and you will always have to be adjusting their help.

Yours is a tricky situation but your dad needs to understand that you will not be moving back to the states to live with them as they age. It would be much much better for them to be in a care community. They will eventually need to go there anyway, and better that they research it now (with you) and have a say in it than wait until there is a crisis and maybe they aren't an active part of the decision making. You have the "gift" of the lockdown to help him internalize this reality. Better that he starts to warm up to the idea now and you can tour and interview beautiful care communities to show him that they are not like the icky nursing homes of yesteryear. You can also lay out the financial realities of in-home help (which will become more and more expensive as they require more and more help). Present things as option #1 and #2. Give them tons of assurances that you will help them with whatever option they choose, but that you caring for them full-time is not one of them. Finally, very important to have all their legal ducks in a row before you head back. I wish you success in helping them plan for their future!