So here goes... I may have breast cancer. I’m my mom’s sole caregiver. We can’t afford in home care. What am I going to do?

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So here goes... I may have breast cancer. I’m my mom’s sole caregiver. We can’t afford in home care. What am I going to do?

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She won’t qualify for Medicaid for 2 more years. What am I going to do if I need to undergo treatments? I feel utterly helpless.

Alzheimer's & Dementia Breast Cancer Care Decisions Family Caregiver

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First, you have to put your health first. If you have cancer, you must have treatment for it. And worry is just going to make everything worse.

Why is Mum not eligible for Medicaid? Is it the look back period? If yes, then can the people who received funds from her cover the cost of care for the next 2 years?

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Yes the look back period. It’s because she gave us a condo that was given to her. We can’t afford to pay her for it.

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You can't do both. The stress alone is not goid when Cancer is involved. Someone else will need to take over MILs care.

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There’s no one else to care for my Mom. That’s the problem.

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Contact your Area Agency on Aging. Ask for a needs assessment for you, your mom and your MIL.
Let us know how your tests turn out. Don’t discount any help offered. Every little bit helps.

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Momsonlychild, does your mom have the means to pay for in-home agency care for 2 years (or while you deal with your health issues)? A consult with an elder law attorney who specializes in estate planning and is familiar with Medicaid would be a good investment so that you get accurate and wise counsel specific for your state. I wish you all the best in your health journey and peace in your heart.

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Her question states she cannot afford it. :(

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So Mum gave you a condo three years ago, it does not matter if it was given to her or how she came to own it.

If it is 100% in your name, why can't you get a mortgage or HELOC on it to pay for her care while you are undergoing treatment?

It would be quite wonderful if people were educated ahead of time about the potential problems with Medicaid look backs before they gift their possessions.

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Mom has lifetime benefits to the Condo. We are remainderman. We can’t get a loan or equity loan due to all the legal stuff. I also am on disability so our income is lower. We were looking ahead as we went to an Eldercare ATTY who set things up the way they are.

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I was thinking that maybe the cancer clinic or your oncologist's office may be able to point you in a direction or recommend a resource, so be sure to ask.

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Thank you I will.

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1. You need to have a good, frank conversation with your oncologist, if you are positive for cancer. My sister's offered suggestions for home care, and on other issues which surprised me at the time. I had never thought of an oncologist acting in that capacity, but it was also the first really serious health issue for anyone in the family.

2. Contact your local Gilda's Club and find out what they have to offer or suggest.

3. You don't mention health insurance; do you have any?

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Thank you. I wouldn’t have known this either. Yes I have insurance. I haven’t heard of a Gilda’s Club but will check. I do know our Hospice offers Respite care to give caregivers a break but don’t know if they’d do this.

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If you do and I pray that you do not have cancer, you can request a hardship waiver for her to be placed in care or you can try and get community based Medicaid that gets her in home help.

Can you personally afford to help her? That would be ideal if possible.

I really do pray that you don't have to worry about placing her and you are just fine and all tests are negative.

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Thank you so much for your help. I didn’t know about the hardship waiver. Could you tell me more about it? Unfortunately we have limited funds and can’t afford care for her. Thanks for your prayers I really appreciate it.

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Mom's only,

Thank you for the extra details. I know it may be expensive, but go back to the Eldercare Attorney who set up the Trust and ask him to sort it out.

My brother and I are remaindermen on my grandmother's trust, with Dad having a life interest in it. According to the Trust documents, Dad can get a HELOC or mortgage against the property, but my brother and I cannot.

Is your mother's trust revocable?

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Call Medicaid and request a hardship waiver. I don't know how it works, but I do know that they exist.

I would also ask about adult foster care. This may be the care solution if you need treatment.

It sounds like the attorney did you no favors with what they set up, just shielding the real estate. Unfortunately not all elder law attorneys actually know what they are doing, they sign up at NAELA (which requires no special anything to sign up) and learn on the job. Did you use a certified elder law attorney? I know you can't unring the bell, but it is good to know for future.

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As a 34 year survivor of breast cancer that actually had 2 positive nodes as well, I want to caution you to take this a step at a time. First of all, for myself I opted for mastectomy. I chose not to do radiation and I did do what they call "adjuvant chemo" which was two infused drugs, once a month for six months. I never got sick enough to throw up once. Overall, in fact, after initial soreness, I felt quite good. So I want you not to take on the whole disease all at once. We don't even know that you HAVE it yet. If you do, it is a step at a time. For the first weeks after any surgery you will need some really good help. That will be hired in for you if need be or Mom will have to go to respite. Also you keep saying "we have...." Who is we? Is that you and Mom or is there a child or hubby involved. Because if there is then you need to call in ALL THE TROOP. This is something you can beat the pants off of; I guarantee that. No nonsense about reconstruction and that waste of time money and pain. Just take care of it and on you go. If you have to face it down. Wishing you good luck. Cancer surgery is in and out now. You leave same day or next day after mastectomy, so call in your friends and acquaintences. This is a time of need. Church? Anyone you can think of IF YOU HAVE TO.
You do need to know that as your Mom's sole caregiver there are other Moms out there with NONE. They are not on the street but are in some kind of care. So that, if this bridge needs to be crossed the first step is to her Doctor to tell him that you would need help going forward, for an unknown amount of time, that you would prefer not to have to do the ER DUMP, but that if you have to, to get Mom care while you are unable to care for her, then that is what will have to be done. For now it is one step at a time. I hope you will keep up updated.
Whoops, just read down and see why Mom isn't eligible for medicaid. These are some of the problems that can come to us when we do these things that protect assets, that look so good on paper initially, but that can come back to bite us.
My answer still holds. We don't know that you have cancer. We can't know what stage you are nor how it can be treated, but I can tell you they tend now to overtreat, and if this is a stage one, a mastectomy or lumpectomy will likely knock this out. Take it a step at a time. Keep us posted.

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Met with the breast surgeon this morning. She thinks the mass is benign. Unfortunately it’s growing right next to where I had my lumpectomy about 2 years ago so it’s pressing on scar tissue, etc. She wants to wait 6 months and do more testing. It makes me uneasy but I do trust her. Thanks for all your concern.

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Let's all hope everything is benign!!! But this is a good time to become familiar with options, even if you (hopefully) never need them.
The American Cancer Society is full of resources and support. Get in touch with your local chapter and learn about everything they offer.
If there is a Gilda's Club nearby it's another fabulous, joyous, organization. Check it out.
Our local Amer Cancer Soc took over the Gilda's Club and it is now called Hope House. Look for that too, in case it is happening all over.
I just hope you don't need to use the services.
Its a good idea to seek out backup plans for helping your mother. There are other things besides cancer that can come up, including your need for a few days off! Office of the Aging is a resource. We just got my 92 to Dad approved for hospice. They aren't just for people very close to dying anymore.
Twake care of yourself, and good luck.

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Do ER Dumps work if the patient will "fail" the Medicaid look back?

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Momsonlychild Praise The Lord!

Can I recommend that you find a chiropractor that does infrared treatments and get that scar tissue treated. It will soften the tissue.

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Infrared treatments from a chiropractor...huh... I'm going to check that out for myself! :)

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I had a handicap bathroom built for my mother. Now she's bed bound. We bathe her in the bed. Important to keep the body that's not being bathed covered so she doesn't catch a cold( drape with a towel). Then I lotion her. I have a small heater to warm the room first. It works and my mom looks forward to it 3 times a week.

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I don't have an answer for you, but I just wanted to give you support. One, take care of yourself, you can't help your mom if you're not healthy. Two, try and see if the state offers in home assistance.

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"I may have breast cancer." Went through the scare last year - I did not.

"What if" - of course you will save your own life, otherwise, with slight humor added, among other things, who will eventually take care of mom again.

You are not helpless. Even if you are, you're not, you can go to God in prayer.

In the meantime, she will need a temporary solution. Some charities like Jewish Family Services or St. Vincent de Paul might have ideas. Your county or state may have services you're not aware of. There are albeit very expensive temporary residential facilities for the elderly. I know of one that requires minimum 3 month stay. Maybe there is something she qualifies for financially like that.

Were you typing Medicare or medicaid? If she can get medi caid, she could possibly get in home supportive services, which could replace you at least part of the time.

Regardless. We hope you don't have breast cancer. If you do, you're saving your life. The rest, by God's Merciful Grace, will fall into place. Keep doing exactly what you're doing. Don't be silent.

You will be ok.

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Yes! You will be okay! A breast cancer diagnosis no longer is a death sentence. The first thing the radiology oncologist said to me was "you're going to be okay." And then she laid out the plan. I went into the appt with a stress level of 9 out of 10 and left on a 3ish level (never a zero as a caregiver). Painful? Uncomfortable? Inconvenient? Yes, for a while, but just take a day at a time. Insist on the biopsy.

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Hi, Momsonlychild:
I'm sorry to to see this news but hope it's not cancer. Please listen to your doctors. As mentioned in other posts, look into non-profit backup care for your mother. Yes, Medicaid and Medicare are two different benefits. You did not explain more details about your mother's situation or her age. If on recent disability under age 65, it's Medicare health insurance that waits two years. Medicaid, the State-government assistance for those with very low income, has a five-year spenddown look-
back period. Goverment SSI income limits to those with $2,000 assets in the bank.

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Usually, there is a social worker that works in conjunction with most cancer treatment centers. Please talk to your doctor and/or the staff about your concerns. They can help put you in touch with somebody who knows the resources in your area.

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I hate to be a nervous, negative Nellie but there is no way in HECK I'd wait around 6 months to see what the lump will do. Have you had a biopsy? If not, why not?

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I agree! Get a biopsy!! Did you have a 3D mammogram?

I was diagnosed with endometrial cancer in March, Dad fell and broke his hip a day later, hospital 5 days, rehab 36 days. In the meantime, I had a hysterectomy with lymph nodes removed in April. (The Lord was so gracious in that timing!)

Then I decided to check some things off my healthcare list and get a mammogram in May before brachytherapy (high-dose intravaginal radiation) began in July. Wellness mam turned into diagnostic mam which turned into a needle biopsy and malignant diagnosis. Lumpectomy with sentinel lymph nodes removed in June, last of 3 brachytherapy treatments next Wed, then healing time before 4wks of daily breast radiation begins in August. Throw in all the COVID 19 restrictions and it's been a liiiitttttttle crazy.

I'm exhausted. Even with family coming in periodically to assist, my dad is still my sole responsibility, so I'm glad to read here about more options available for assistance during this time! Let's take advantage of those mentioned! But get that biopsy! And ladies, get that annual mammogram and pap smear!

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A little crazy is a huge understatement...God bless you

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I've been thinking about your statement "She [the surgeon] 'thinks' the mass is benign." I've had 3 previous lumpectomies years ago that were benign and was told I just have "fibrocystic breasts" (really lumpy) so I didn't think anything would be abnormal with my mammogram in May. Surprise, it was a malignancy (see my previously posted comment). Better safe than sorry. I would push for a needle biopsy asap.

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I am so sorry to hear about the possibility of your having breast cancer. I was diagnosed with bc over 2 years ago and have been treating it naturally, you might want to go to the Chrisbeatcancer.com website. It is a wonderful resource. Also, I used thermography not mammography. Check with your medical doctor before making any decisions regarding your health and healing. There are a lot of options available these days. https://www.facebook.com/chrisbeatcancer/posts/mammography-screening-makes-no-difference-to-breast-cancer-death-rates-but-it-ca/10152228758619015/

A strategy I would use is as follows: (Again check with your health care practitioner before proceeding).

First things first, find out if you have breast cancer or not. Second, cancer is no longer means you have been given a "death" sentence. Third, decide on course of action you want to take to treat it, if you do have cancer. Fourth, I am in a similiar situation as your describing. I wonder if you belong to a church. Many churches will offer to help you with care for your loved one and/or help you with expenses. Fifth, check out Chris Wark and contact his group Square One and ask for suggestions. Sixth, if you end up caring for your loved one ( if they don't qualify for rehab or senior citizen facilities), make sure you make time for yourself ( I know it is not easy) and find ways to deal with your emotions and stress. To eliminate stress: I use exercise, prayer, deep breathing, music, hypnosis, guided imagery, art, playing with and hugging pets, watching funny things on TV, taking naps, massage, reflexology, get a manicure/pedicure, etc.

Some helpful books that I have read and utilized are as follows:
1. Radical Remission Kelly A. Turner,PhD.
2. Heal Kelly Noonan Gores
3.Your Power to Heal Henry Grayson, PhD.
4.Cured Jeffrey Rediger,M.D.
5. Eat to Beat Disease William Li, M.D.
6. The Cancer Fighting Kitchen Rebecca Katz and Mat Edelson
7. The best book, I continue to read/study that has been the greatest help, hope and courage has been the Bible. There is so much research available that talks about the correlation between having strong religious beliefs, health and healing.

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MomsOnlyChild, you should get a 2nd opinion from a separate elder law attorney. Medicaid is a shared expense between the federal government and the individual states. Although a state needs to comply with the federal rules, Medicaid does change from state to state. With that grain of salt, in the state that I live in, Medicaid would still lien on a life estate interest after a Medicaid recipient's death. That transfer may work in your state, but it makes me think you need a 2nd opinion now and not wait to find out later.

Also, there is an exception to the transfer rules for a live-in caregiver child. Which makes me think to myself, did she really meet with an elder law attorney, if she is posting this question in this forum?

Personal referrals are often the best way to find a good attorney. The National Academy of Elder Law Attorneys, naela.org can narrow your search. Even better the Special Needs Alliance, specialneedsalliance.org. Attorneys in the 2nd organization are by invitation only.

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Momsonlychild: Thank goodness that you saw the breast surgeon on July 7 and for the good outcome, but perhaps you should seek another specialist rather than wait 6 months. Also, seek out an elder law attorney for a Medicaid hardship waiver possibility.

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Why 2 years? You either qualify for Medicaid or you do not. If she is 65 and has limited assists, she qualifies.
Under 65 is a program called SSI.
Find a nursing home you like and call them. She can begin receiving care while they apply, which can take a long time to come through, however it is retroactive.
Hope all goes well with your situation.
No guilt
Just be a grown up and do what needs to be done.

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Jaeterese - You are correct. You either qualify or you don't. The only thing I can think of that would delay Medicaid coverage is if mom transferred or gave away some of her assets and she is penalized for x number of months based n total amount she gave away. Giving away assets could be things like not setting up payments to a person to care for her (like a child) correctly so it appears to be a giveaway, transferring a house or property out of her name, etc during the 5 year look back period.

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HI, Mommysonlychild, please get that biopsy now. Too dangerous to wait any longer. Call professional help for your mother as suggested by other posts. SSI was mentioned. It is for someone with very limited or no assets, including a house. Very little cash! You cannot own or co-own a house for SSI benefits. Why two years for Mom to get Medicaid? You cannot wait two years if you have cancer because you may die by then. Take care of yourself, first!!

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Mom gave me a condo that was given to her 3 years ago. Long story but that’s the reason.

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a person can qualify for Medicaid but money needs to be spent down to a certain amount. Check with an Elder attorney and they can help you. IF your mother won't qualify for 2 years, she has money that can be spent down (improvement to house, etc)OR for home care until she has spent down her money. Check with an Elder Attorney. But for your sake.......do NOT put off YOUR health. The caretakers health has to come first OR you can't care for anyone else. wishing you luck on YOUR health issues.

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So here goes... I may have breast cancer. I’m my mom’s sole caregiver. We can’t afford in home care. What am I going to do?

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