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Sister-in-laws did not even as much as stop by to offer help. Is this normal in normal families? This occurred 2018 through 2019 for two years. My mom needed 24/7 care after a stroke and this took my entire life put on hold to do this. My husband is understanding. His 3 sisters live 5 minutes away. After my mom had her stroke they never stopped by to offer help and when they did stop by they put their nose in the air at my mom, ignored her. They saw how difficult my life was, no empathy. Tried to make life even more difficult. I was sad but too busy to pay attention to it. Looking back I am hurt and want to know, does this happen often, what does it mean, is this normal? Maybe they don’t like me.

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You are upset because your husbands 3 sisters didn’t help you take care of your mom? Not his & their mom but your mom. Why do you think they were obligated to help?
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lkdrymom May 2020
I agree. Why would you expect them to help? And if your mom needs 24/7 care, shouldn't she be in a facility that can provide this? That is too much for a family to even consider taking on.
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Yup, it is normal in many families. It is usually one that takes on the large and all of the responsibility. Some people, actually most people just are not emotionally able to provide care. Time to hire a caregiver so you can get some time away.

It isn't arrogance it is a lack of compassion and patience. Be grateful that you have these traits.
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Ummmmm...... what about your brothers???
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These are your brothers' wives or your husband's sisters? Big difference. If it's your brothers' wives, then it's your brothers' responsibility to assist; if it's your husband's sisters, they really have no moral obligation to help out. While that would be a nice thing to do, I don't see how their not helping you rises to the level of arrogance...maybe some further info would be helpful in determining a course of action...
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From a previous post: "I am the ONLY child caregiver. Dementia, stroke.. immobile and full 24/7 care and strict commode schedule. It is now 2 years on-going at home. I'll spare you the details because the answers on here resound everything I've been going through. I have a fulltime job, kid to take care of and doing this."

If you have a fulltime job, do you work away from the home? If so, then who is providing the care while you are not there?

Why can't your mother go to a facility?
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My husbands brothers and wives live 2 days away. But even if they lived near, I would not expect them to help with my Mother. I wouldn't help with theirs. I may ask if something I can get them while I am shopping, maybe sit with the woman if a SIL needs to run an errand. Maybe run her to an appt. But I would not feel obligated to help with their Moms care. Expecially if I was holding down a job.

It would be nice if they brought a meal or dessert. But I don't feel you should expect it. Its not their mother. If it does become their mother, you can back off saying you have done ur share of Caregiving. They will need to care for "their" Mom.
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My mother LIVES wiht brother and SIL. She does nothing for mother. 22 years of having her MIL live there....kinda ruined any kind of relationship.

Brother does the lion's share. Mom has 3 daughters. WE step up, if needed. I don't expect my Sisters in Law to do anything for mother, they have their own moms to care for.

Having said that--My 4 sons in law would move the moon for me. Probably because I didn't raise them and I have been feeding them well for many years.
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Sorry, it’s VERY NORMAL, and a pretty good case can be made for the fact that you would have been much better off if you had agreed with the rest of the family that taking care of Mom was too much for you, too, and decided AS A FAMILY GROUP, how you could provide a SAFE, pleasant, comfortable place for your mother to live that did not place all of the responsibility on you to put your entire life on hold.

This was dumped on you because you were “the daughter”, and your brothers were the happy and confident dumpers. Why? Because you let them. Nothing in life is more certain than the fact that empathy is NOT an inborn trait. You were doing what you were doing and they, for whatever reason, didn’t want to get involved.

If you had been closer to them before your mother’s illness, it can be your choice to re-engage with them or not to. You can also decide if it is making your life better to feel hurt or not to feel hurt, and move forward accordingly. Nurturing and saving hurt doesn’t serve to improve the future though.

If you’d expressed these concerns here when your mother had her stroke, you would have been told by most caregivers that responding to your own feelings as a part of long term care decision making is really important when figuring out what’s best for a loved one too.

Can you give yourself the credit you deserve, without entangling your unhappy thoughts about the rest of your family, as you move forward? If not, maybe a conversation with a counselor or some other trusted professional might be a good use of your time. Lots of us have been where you are now. Your best direction is forward, in a way that gives YOU the positive feelings you deserve.
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Why would you expect your brother's sisters to caregive for your Mother? That kind of baffles me. Regardless you or anyone else can't provide the level of care she needs 24/7 so it sounds like its nursing home time.
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Welcome to the club; you volunteered for this back breaking life sucker of a job. Nobody gonna help you. Unless you get private pay caregiver you trust. Or try an agency. My brother doesn’t help with caregiving or paying for it. So far I’ve been able to pay the caregiver but reduced hours. Caregiving sucks. My 93 yo mother has dementia, immobile, incontinent, violent. She’s not getting better. I’m not getting younger. I just pray to get through one more day.
Hugs 🤗
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