Our grandma has lived in assisted living for about a year. She frequently asks when she can go home, which she can’t as she would be unsafe living in her own home by herself, and there is no one who can be an in-home caregiver because everyone works full-time.
Whenever we go to see her, she will ask when she can go home, every 5-10 minutes or so pretty much any time we visit her. She hadn’t been back to visit her home since my cousins are now living there. We were worried she would be disturbed going to her home and seeing all of my cousin’s belongings in the home and not hers. We haven’t gotten rid of her stuff, it is in storage.
Recently, my cousin had a baby shower at the house and we decided to give it a try and bring Grandma. When she first pulled in to the driveway with my cousin, she started crying. Then the whole time she was at the baby shower, she kept asking where her stuff was and if she was able to come home to live. Like I said earlier, she asks the same questions every 5 or 10 minutes since she forgets she asks them. I felt this was rude of others to put her through this visit as she was clearly nervous about where her stuff went and just sat there with tears in her eyes. Also, I don’t think it was fair to my cousin who we were having the baby shower for because the focus ultimately became on Grandma and how she was doing, instead of celebrating the upcoming birth of the new baby.
My cousin who is closest to my grandma because she was raised near there (but now lives far away) was the one who wanted to have Grandma there and thought it would be ok, I think she wants her there to be like old times and isn’t thinking about whether it’s right for Grandma or not. I kept talking to my mom (daughter of my grandma) about how I didn’t agree with this particular cousin and that we needed to look at it from Grandma’s point of view, not ours. How would it feel to go back to your home and see that your stuff isn’t there, and that you can’t stay there?? Wouldn’t it just be better to go see her later at her assisted living, since she wouldn’t know any different, and would likely be more happy if we visited her there, like we regularly do?? My mom isn’t sure. Everyone has different opinions and I don’t want this to cause a family feud, but I think the ones who want her to visit at her old home, want it more for themselves than for her.
I wanted to get some other opinions from neutral parties because our family has different opinions about what to do. We just don’t know the right thing to do. I think we really need to make this choice based on what is best for Grandma and be careful not to want to bring her because “we” think it is the right thing to do. She would have no idea she is missing out on a celebration and would be very happy with us just bringing her some of the food and visiting her later.
Any ideas or suggestions would be appreciated!
Who is the POA and person who is making the decisions for grandmother's best welfare. I would think that they would look more into what is best for her and less as to other people who aren't well informed. Perhaps, you could text them a link for an article that talks about it. With returning to the house for the baby shower already having had a negative impact for grandmother, I'd be curious as to who would still insist on repeating it. Sounds odd to me.
Does anyone think Grandma enjoyed the trip back to her home where she repeated asked where her stuff was?
What's going to change for the "next" home visit that would create a different outcome?
A separate celebration with Grandma at the AL, maybe after the main event so you could use some of the food would be a good choice. Or even scheduled the next day if that works better.
Does anyone think Grandma enjoyed the trip back to her home where she repeated asked where her stuff was?
What's going to change for the "next" home visit that would create a different outcome? Maybe one of the family that wants a repeat visit should provide Grandma's transportation and companionship during any future visit so they can better witness Grandma's anxiety and confusion.
Have the celebration somewhere other than Grandma's home - maybe your Mom's home or the AL's party room. If that's not workable, then a separate celebration with Grandma at the AL after the main event so you could use some of the food would be a good choice. Or even scheduled the next day if that works better.