We took the keys from Mom so she couldn't drive any more, after she started falling. Her strength and mobility are limited. She uses a walker all the time. We were afraid for the safety of herself and others. (She is 92.) She is angry about losing her independence, and still hopes that she will be able to drive again. We have hired caregivers in the morning and afternoon to take her to the places she wants to go, so she can get out of the house. (She lives alone.) She still brings up the subject almost every time I talk with her (we took the keys away six months ago). I think it's time to tell her that she is not going to drive again, and we need to sell the car. Any advice?
I watch the elder neighbor just sit in his truck sometimes and go nowhere. I maybe should try this I thought as I read your post. Mom was meticulous with her car and I've decided its best to keep it around for sentimental reasons. She looks at it from the kitchen and dusts it off like before (she's walking precariously still). It's the apple of her eye and wishes to give it to one of the grandkids who could care less. Although she talks to whoever is listening also about selling it, I believe she just wants to have its value acknowledged. I watched her maintain it beyond the value of the car and she drove around the corner as her last venture. When I could get her in my car, I would take the 'scenic route' on streets familiar to her.
My FIL was still driving up to February 2019; he was 93 at the time. Turns out he had macular degeneration and cataracts that he never mentioned. He complained of his vision but had gone to optometrist every year to get cleared for driving. Finally in February, he could not longer pass and wanted to have cataracts removed so he could keep driving. Even though he really could not see very well, he felt it was okay to keep driving since he had a valid drivers license. Even when he agreed that he could not pass the new driving test because of his vision, he felt that as long as he had a valid license driving was still okay. He had vascular dementia and although he often seemed reasonable to most people, this type of badly flawed reasoning was a result of his dementia. Anyway, the eye surgeon told him he could not drive any more at the first visit, or at least until the surgery. He was legally blind in one eye and 20/90 in the other eye. I planned the surgery to be done after his license expired for his March birthday. We made sure we took him where he needed to go and the facility also had a bus and a driver as well for appts. He got used to not driving and finally, he asked me "when are you going to sell my car? We moved the car to our house so he did not see it. I only offer this story to say that people who were independent are often very angry about the changes that happen to them; we can all understand that. I really had to orchestrate getting him to stop driving. He knew that I was opposed to his driving as no one at 92 has the reaction time to avoid accidents. They might be able to drive to the grocery store or some place they are familiar with but unexpected things happen all the time. About 2 months after he stopped driving, he finally told me that I had been right and when he thinks back on some of the things he did while driving, he knew he should not have been driving. His kids, my husband included, avoided this discussion but I did not.
In your case, I would make the excuse that the car is making a noise and needs to go to mechanic. Make arrangements for it to stay gone. If you can get away with it, tell her transmission is going, cost is $2000 and car should be sold. Or just keep it out of her sight for a while and then ask her if it can be sold.
Having the doctor tell her if you can but since we are not really going to doctors as much, that might be difficult.
He also refused to have home health care because they would"steal". Not true.
He was found die at home and had been on the floor for several days. There was nothing we could do and it was very sad for his sons.
Lesson use the fact that if they have an accident, they could harm someone and/or get sued and lose. Therefore arrange for someone to drive. There are lots of options. The one that we liked was that there were veterans from the American Legion who would like a part time job. Would have given him some new friends and a safe ride.
GOOD LUCK
All too often, and not just related to cars and giving up driving. Multiple times my mother said she need to clean up her place (mainly clear out/get rid of stuff), in case she "ever had to get outta here." When asked what she meant, she said if she goes to AL. Enter dementia...
I can only hope I never go down that nasty path.
If your mother is suffering from dementia and you have power of attorney for her, then you do have the right to make the decision to sell the car and use the money for her needs.
If she is not mentally impaired, you have no business depriving her of her property. You can certainly refuse to help her access her car or find her keys, you can certainly give your opinion freely that she ought not to be driving, you can report any incidents or medical advice that might disqualify her to the appropriate authorities; but respect her rights. Unless there is other relevant information you haven't mentioned yet, her driving or not driving is *her* decision and not yours.
Do you need to sell the car, in fact? Why?
I wouldn't sell the car. An empty driveway will drive home the fact that she lost the ability to drive. You have the keys, so leave it at that. It might suffice for her to think she may get stronger and be able to drive again