I think I've mentioned this before, my therapist, who has been very helpful, gives therapy online via Skype through TALKSPACE. I am in Illinois, she is in another state. And I wanted to move to the state she lives in as I grew up there. It would be like going back home for me, and I really like it there. So almost every session she asks when I am coming to that state? When am I moving there? She reduced my rate if I promised to visit her. She'll show me a good time. She'll introduce me to her brother and family. She'll hook me up with her friends. She'll invite me to her get togethers. She hopes I consider moving to that state. She has even mentioned that I consider moving to the city she lives in. Etc. Etc. I asked her about that this week, why she always mentions it and I reminded her she is my therapist, only. And the response I got back was she was modeling that behavior because I have issues with making friends, and wants to show me that I am a likeable person. That all sounds fishy to me. And wondering what you all think about this situation. Thanks.
I hope your "therapist" gets more than a talking to---she needs to be fired!
I do understand that an attempt to provide proximity might be appropriate as I think a therapeutic relationship benefits from personal contact (as does just basic human interaction). But I just don't see otherwise how someone's residence has anything to do with providing competent therapy.
Bloom, in real life the therapist could be a lot of things, besides mean and nasty. She could be lonely, very lonely. She could be in a bad marriage. She could be anything, and used the therapeutic relationship to meet her own individual needs.
But I think that building her own clientele makes a lot of sense. I would suspect that's probably a violation of the terms by which she was hired, but frankly, I wouldn't get involved in that.
If she's done this with you, it's possible it's made overtures to other clients, and eventually management (as well as professional licensing entities) may become aware of it. That isn't your battle, so don't enlist.
And be circumspect about people with whom you share your actions. I always automatically document certain situations, but I would never tell people I have unless I feel the need to use mild threats. Don't tip your hand, and don't put yourself in any potentially unsafe position.
I think you are doing the right thing by cutting all ties with her and I wish you all the best in the future.
If you have Netflix, you might be interested in "Gypsy." It's about a therapist who crosses all sorts of boundaries with her patients.
"Originally at Talkspace, clients and therapists were not matched by state, but in the past year we rolled out a matching system that strictly matches them by state. Clients who were already matched before then were not changed, but if you like we can have you re-matched to a therapist in your own state. Just let me know."
The client / therapist relationship is a pretty intimate one. It would be unusual for a therapist to treat a client as a friend per say, but a few clients have met their therapists outside of Talkspace just so that they could meet them in person one time. But not really as friends."
So that confirms my suspicions and I will be cancelling my subscription to their site later today. It was difficult to see the situation with any clarity when I was deep in grief. But now I see it. I was being played like a violin during therapy sessions. She helped me but was also trying to manipulate me. I am not going to mention the therapists name unless they ask for it. Although they do have the records and written text messages. But not the Skype sessions as she threw them in free. I didnt complain as I really needed help.
It sounds like you have very good instincts but question your own judgment. Whenever you feel that gut feeling, listen to it! In this case, it has served you well. I agree with dropping this therapist and waiting to see if you need to see someone else. This therapist has stepped over all kinds of professional lines. If she were in a normal setting, she could probably lose her license (or should) in trying to befriend you, badgering you about when you're moving, offering to hook you up and show you a good time. All of that is unbelievably unprofessional!
My undergrad degree is in psychology and I can say that the people that I knew who went on to get advanced degrees in psychology were pretty odd people. I think social workers are usually a bit more "normal" in their personal psychology. But that' s not based on any scientific study, just personal observation.
Good luck and keep us posted. My mom died almost three months ago and I'm waiting for a year before I consider moving somewhere else. That only makes sense to me. I want to let everything settle before I consider another big change.
Lo and behold my second talk therapist was soooo much better, as she had personal experience with her own aging parents.
One thing I did was work on a family tree, as my parents had passed while in their 90's but I didn't know a whole lot about their grandparents or great-grandparents. Climbing through the family tree has been so very interesting :) I have gotten as far back of the mid 1700's.
I hate to say it even if she is helping you you need to cut this off.
If her talks were/are monitored I am sure that she would have a lot of explaining to do. I am guessing that she is pretty much not monitored.
If the supervisor was aware of her personal conversations I am sure she would be reprimanded for it.
I also suggest that if you do move do not tell her. At least for 1 year AFTER she is no longer you therapist. And I suggest that you find another as soon as possible. If you like the Talkspace ask to have a change in therapists.
This whole thing sounds a bit like a stalker if you ask me.
Bloomschool, for your protection, exit gracefully, but permanently. If you compliment and thank her, she hopefully won't realize that you're cutting off the relationship. If you have to, change e-mail addresses or other contact information so she can't reach you.
You went to her during a period of grief, which could be perceived as a weakness and opportunity for a therapist who exceeds boundaries. And she would likely recognize how to use that vulnerability and exploit it.
Good luck, and I hope your healing journey continues on a positive path. I think most of us probably are quite vulnerable after losing a parent.
It amazes me what posters here report that their therapists/counselors say -- often the advice seems so weak as to be worthless. (Not always, but often!)
I'm glad you've come to this conclusion. Grief is a long journey and I would hate to see a therapist take advantage of you in this way.
I've had friends so therapist for years. I am not against therapy at all but I sometimes if my friends are being exploited financially. It is a slippery slope for sure. I am glad we have this community of online friends looking out for us.
Happy to hear you are feeling better in your grief journey. I take hope for your posts because so many mirrored my own journey.