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Love my mum. She is 100 and has had infection after infection. Now she’s stopped eating, it has been 12 days. We keep making her drink and have been told this is the end. I just feel I should still try make her eat something and am finding it hard to see her like this. She was always such a strong person, but I know she’s fading away. Should I just not worry about food?

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I’m sorry for your sadness in this. Please know that when a body is in decline and in the time of shutting down, food is actually painful, as the body has lost the ability to process it. I know you’d never want to cause pain. Our wise hospice nurse suggested we make ice chips from my dad’s favorite drink to slip into his mouth, as it would give him minimal hydration and the flavor her enjoyed. He had these and opened up like a baby bird for them right up until the end. It’s an impossibly hard time, but what a long life your mother has experienced. She knows your love and care. I wish you both peace
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debbatt Jun 13, 2024
Thank you for your words
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Deb, is your mom on hospice care now? If so, has hospice discussed end of life care with you.
Sometimes, meaning well, we try to force fluids. If can prolong suffering by days, and even by weeks. Then too there is the difficulty with the swallow reflex. Food or fluid can go down the airway and into the lung, causing pneumonia and difficulty with breathing and increased secretions.

It is my fervent hope you have the support of a good Hospice.
You have my condolences, but oh, my goodness--100. No one will ever read your mom's obit and say she died too young! (Too late for that for me as well, at 81).
What an amazing long life.
My parents left me while in their early to mid 90s. I felt surprised to feel an almost complete absence of grief and to feel relief only that I never had to fear for them again, never had to stand witness to indignities and further losses for those two I held so fear, and never had myself to feel the agony of standing witness to their loss. I hope for that same peaceful release for you. Know while you are living your mom will be with you.

Heart out to you.
I hope you will update us.
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debbatt Jun 13, 2024
Thank you for you response mum is at home where she wanted to be with her family we all care for her district nurses and home care to help us as well but me and my daughter are main careers
we do are best but I feel now I’m trying to hard to get her to eat or drink as I’m 63 and don’t want to lose my mum but know it’s going to happen
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i just want to say CONGRATULATIONS to you OP and your mom.

OP you must have done an amazing job to get her to 100 years old. amazing.

a hug from me to you and your mom.
🍀🍀🌼🌼🍀🍀
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I'm caregiver for my 96yr old Dad who has stage 6 Lewy Body Dementia. He has been struggling to eat and drink for sometime, and through the help of the nice folks here in this forum, I have learned to relax about it - I still offer him food and drink, but if he declines I just tell him ok Dad - I'll check back with you later. It has made a huge difference in his comfort levels and in mine. It was really a struggle for me to let go of MY need for him to eat 3x, then 2x, then once per day. Their bodies are trying to shut down naturally - so I'm doing my part to not make this harder on him than need be. There's a book called "Nothing to Fear" by Hospice Nurse Julie - she is on social media (FB, IG, etc) Very helpful and so are her social media posts about dying and death, etc. I've learned a lot from her about why it's important not to force feed them food or drink for that matter. For My Dad's sake and his comfort - I've learned. It's a journey for sure. I wish you all the best with your Mom! Take care.
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debbatt Jun 13, 2024
Thank you so much coming on hear as made me feel so much better and not alone
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Deddatt. wishing you strength and peace, though your very heard journey.
Thoughts and prayers.

Please keep us posted.
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debbatt Jun 13, 2024
Thank you
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First I must say that I hope you have hospice on board now, as they will keep your mum comfortable and pain free, so she can die in peace.
They will be able to answer any questions you may have about the dying process as well.
But do know that the digestive system is the first to shut down when someone is actively dying, so forcing someone to eat or drink can actually cause great pain.
The body knows that it doesn't need any food or even drink as it nears its end, so I would just let your mum dictate if she wants any drinks or not.
Please just enjoy whatever time you may have left with your mum and don't leave anything left unsaid.
God bless you.
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It is so difficult to see our loved ones no longer doing the everyday essentials for life. It feels like neglect when we allow them to stop eating and then drinking.

However, it will make your mum's last days more comfortable if you are calm and not fretting about something you have no control over.

Help your mum to be at peace by helping yourself to just be. Be in the here and now, not worrying about what you haven't done or what you will need to do.
Make sure that you look after yourself as well as your mum. Notice each moment, each act of love in everything you do.

Your life is about to change. Give yourself time and space to adjust and, when the time comes, also to grieve.
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Wishing you peace as you go through this transitioning process with your mom. Your mom will live in your heart forever.

Your mother has been blessed with a beautiful daughter and granddaughter.

It’s obvious how much you love her. I am sure that she loves you.

My mom lived to be 95. Her appetite diminished greatly as she aged. Towards the end she stopped eating and drinking.

The hospice nurse placed dampened swabs in her mouth to keep it moist.

Please don’t force your mom to eat. It’s actually uncomfortable for a dying person to eat. She could vomit if forced to eat.

A friend of mine took care of her sister at home. She kept feeding her sister and her sister threw up shortly before she died.
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Reply to NeedHelpWithMom
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Please don’t force mom to eat! Give her ice chips & sips of water. She’s had enough suffering. Quality of life counts too …& more lingering means more pain and suffering. So sorry 😞 but 100 is a real good run! Hugs 🤗
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Don't worry about food. Just spend this time with her as she does through this transition. It's hard seeing your mum like this and knowing it is the end, but relationships don't end, they just change. (((((((hugs)))) Keep us updated.
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Thank you to everyone that has given me advice much appreciated and I do realise that mum is in her final days now so my daughter and I will make sure she is as comfortable as possible going forward I’ve realized that trying to give mum food is the wrong think thank you all
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Anxietynacy Jun 14, 2024
Just wanted to say how sorry I am, and not to forget to celebrate your moms life. 100 is an amazing life
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Please do not "make" her eat.
At End of Life the body does not need the nourishment from food. It does not feel hunger the way you and I do.
The process of digestion has stopped.
To put food into her would mean the food will remain in her stomach or intestines and it will remain there causing discomfort.

Please offer moistened swabs to keep her lips and mouth moist.
If she sucks on the swab that is fine but do not give her fluids. Giving fluids can cause Aspiration.

Sit by her.
Hold her hand.
Tell her that you love her and that you will be fine.
Thank her for being a great mom.
Give her a kiss.
If you can lay next to her and let her know you are with her.
🙏
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