I recently got my mother’s bill from the nursing home to discover a huge credit balance. When I called the business office, I was informed that she was put on skilled nursing care for edema about three weeks ago. While this status saves my mother some money (and pays the nursing home a higher daily rate - yeah I get it!) I was not notified of the change in her status before she was placed on skilled care. Managing my mother’s care is completely anxiety producing for me, so I tend to get all worked up, and I don’t want to call the staff with an attitude. I sometimes feel like people just don’t do their jobs well! Or I’m being gaslighted somehow (my own issues for sure). When I worked in health care, if I didn’t keep the family informed I would have been skewered and barbecued!
Are you having regular care plan meetings or is that just more then you can handle?
Sometimes we just have to let go, especially in a situation where you are caring for your abuser. She is being taken care of and you can decide what level of involvement you are comfortable with.
Maybe the facility is aware of the situation and decided that it would not really matter if they just did what was needed?
Thankfully they were honest about the money regardless of what motivated them to do this without your knowledge or input.
Try to let go of your anxiety about her care and trust the facility to do their job. She doesn't deserve to continue to hurt you and you have the ability to not let her. You have done far more than you needed to. You are a stand up person for this. You deserve to be set free from worry about her.
You should have been informed. I was informed of EVERYTHING when I was POA for my bro in his assisted living. Administration knew me, knew my emails, knew I was POA and had explained how billing works. I received a monthly copy of EVERYTHING from them with explanation. So clearly some places are better than others.
If you were inappropriately angry a simple call or email (establish if you are able to a personal relationship with administration; it was invaluable to me) to someone there telling them what you told us (this POA is new to me and anxiety provoking; sorry if I was inappropriate.
Trust me. No one there has time to gaslight you, and where would be the gain for them?
I feel for you. I was in no way prepared to take on Trustee of Trust and POA for my bro. At late 70s I had a steep learning curve for something I never had done, and boy, did I learn a lot fast. It was VERY anxiety provoking for me. We are talking twitching-eyes, heart-pounding fear and dread more than anxiety. But I did it, I learned a lot, and am proud I could do this for him before he died. It takes a good year to get things runnning smooth. I wish I could say "Don't worry" but given the amount of needless worry I DID, then moving into executor, I know you will. I wish you the best.
This happened during my LO’S 2 bouts of Covid and her c.Diff care.
I also get very disturbed by ANY change in her status, but things were so very difficult at the beginning of the Covid lockdown I sort of let that one pass, and by the next time, I was comfortable letting the notification go.
If you are otherwise content with your interaction with her care and those who provide it, I think you can feel pretty confident that especially now, with the vaccine, things won’t come unraveled.
I have enormous admiration that you are doing right for someone who was unkind to you, and hope you treat yourself extra well and pat yourself on the back OFTEN.