We had caregiver for my mom that was very unliked by most of the family. My mom really grew to dislike her as well as time went on. She was dependable and flexible but my mom says she was mean to her. I didn't know what to do. My mom had some dementia and she's make things up at times. I know the aid was abrupt, but I did like her. We chatted everyday and I felt like she was a friend too. I never thought she was abusing my mom in anyway. On several occasions mom went to the hospital and while she was there I paid the aid regardless. I also allowed her to take time off and substitute herself with her daughter who was fully capable, of course. This was on several occasions and a week at a time. Now my mom in the hospital and she really dislikes this aid and voicing this to every nurse and doctor that will listen. MEANWHILE the aid said if your mom goes to rehab you must pay me while she's in there or I will have to find another job. I decided to tell the aid my mom would be going into rehab (even though she is not) so I could let her down easy. I told her in all fairness to her, it would be better if she found another job because I didn't know what was going to happen with my mom moving forward. She came over screaming that the one week pay I gave her as a final check was not fair, she wanted 2 weeks. She was screaming and crying and tramatized me while I'm in this state of mind worried about my mom. She never even asked me how my mother was doing. I was so confused and unsettled I ended up giving her the money for the 2 weeks. Now I'm left feeling like the worst human on earth because I did like her but my mom was so so unhappy with her. Maybe I could have done this a different way so that we could end the relationship on better terms. I need to move past this, but don't know how. This aid was with us for 18 months. 7 of those months was full time. I feel like the good, the bad and the ugly. 😪
The fact that she came screaming at you is unprofessional and frankly it would scare me. If that is her temperament maybe your mom was right and she was mean to her.
Be glad you are rid of her.
IF she comes asking for a reference keep it very basic, no glowing review.
Now about the money, why do you think you owe her money for not doing work? Was it the agreement that she got paid when your mother went to hospital? Was she on call? Was she working part time or full time?
If she was working full time and was standing by in case your mother was coming home and you would need her at a.moment's notice, then I would pay her if I were you. However, if she was part time, then it may not be so cut and dry.
In any case, she demanded 2 weeks worth of pay and that was what she got, I don't think you owe her anything more. She clearly doesn't care about her relationship with you. Why do you want to end it on a nice note when she doesn't give a sh== about it?
In my business there is no "law" dictating severance. We've given 2 weeks to people we've fired (because we understand almost no one can get a new job immediately, and many people live paycheck-to-paycheck so it is a true scary crisis for them). We've given a month or more to good people we were forced to lay off due to economic conditions -- if we could afford it without endangering our financial situation (which would impact our own paycheck and that of our remaining employees).
The woman coming over screaming is awful, but also an indication that this woman is living on the edge financially. This is why people who privately hire MUST have a contract -- so that things like the rehab scenario are clearly spelled out beforehand. It is not your problem that she is living on the edge financially (and who knows if she's being responsible or living beyond her means -- this is unknowable by an employer).
Your situation is also why people who privately hire should NEVER rely on 1 person for the care. Did she never call in sick or have a vacation? I'm guessing she left you high and dry in those cases.
Also, private individuals don't have the financial resources like businesses do to give severence pay. I don't fault you for giving her the money during her scary tantrum but if it's coming out of your mother's resources and she is not wealthy, then it doesn't matter if you want to give a severence...the question is do you WANT to give it and can she afford it?
It does matter that your mom "likes" the aid but with dementia, elders often don't like anyone at some point, even family. So you will have to take your mother's opinions with a grain of salt.
Considering there is a labor shortage I'm pretty sure she can get another caregiving gig in a heartbeat at the same rate. Given the tantrum by this aid, I would go to your mom's house today and do an inventory of her valuables and check her wallet, etc. I grew up on the edge of NYC, so that's just where my mind goes...
Obviously, she had a side to her that she kept hidden from you through gaslighting and friendliness. To bad you didn't listen to others, especially your mom, since she was subjected to this witch for 18 months.
Chalk it up to education, learn from it, let it go and move forward.
I like what Geaton said 2 weeks for firing and a month if laying off and they have been good workers.
As said, aide showed her true colors. Really, she gave you an out by saying you need to pay her while Mom is in rehab or she needs to look for another job. In essence, she quit. In that situation, you owed her nothing. But, its over now.
There are personality clashes and Mom has Dementia. You don't say she didn't do her job. You said she tended to be abrupt, maybe Mom took this as being mean to her. You say she was always nice to you. Was it fake or she was just a nice abrupt person. She did give you an ultimatum, pay me or I am looking for another job. You chose not to pay her. Bet that was a shock since u have paid her before.
A reference can be very generic. "Jane worked for us for 18 months. In that time, she was dependable and flexible. If she needed to miss work, she made sure her daughter covered for her.
We had no problem with her job performance or her work ethic. We are sorry we had to let her go, but after a hospital stay other plans needed to be made concerning my Mother's care."
You can't write anything that would keep her from not being able to get her another job. If you are called by someone who is looking to hire her, tell them the above. If they ask you a question you are not comfortable with, say you can't answer that. Say nothing negative.
Nothing has to be said about Mom finding her nasty. That could have been the Dementia or a personality clash. The aide's personality may not bother the next client.
That type of behavior doesn't get a reference. Nothing says you have to provide anything besides the time period worked and the hourly pay. Saying nothing about them beyond that, tends to speak volumes.
However, what people don't understand with reference laws, I can tell the truth about what happened and there is no legal recourse, I just can't share my personal opinion or lie. So telling her next potential employer exactly what transpired is completely legal, as long as you stick to the facts.
This caregiver can go suck eggs if she has the nerve to ask for a reference.