I'm living abroad with my mother. Together we took care of my father for aprox 8 years, until he died in 2014. Afterwards it turned out we did far too many things ourselves, without asking for help.
From that time I stayed with my mother and I started taking on more and more tasks she wasn't able to do. She always has been an independent woman, with a tiny bit of assistance we never mentioned.
The last year I have been noticing some innocent odd behavior changes, like saying she's seen a scene of a movie just a minute ago, not really answering certain questions and so on.
She doesn't want to go outside for a cup of coffee anymore, which used to be a daily routine.
Last week we took her to hospital, cause she wetted her bed and couldn't move. The doctors said she had some constipation, but nothing was wrong. During that week she sat on a chair and didn't really responded to me or to my sister or brothers. It was a total shock to see a totally different person.....but when I relayed that to the nurses they said she's okay and acting normal.
The weekend we went home, she turned ill again and after two horrible nights, we ended up in hospital with a full bladder.
Now she's home and has inconsistent behavior. She's not eating well and after almost 15 years of continues care for my parents, she acting weird, not eating well and so on.
I feel really guilty for talking about sending here to some place, since we live in her house and that'll wont make things better.
Has anyone ever had to deal with something like this? Thank you!
I am unclear on what sort of diagnostic tests were performed during your mom's hospitalizations. Was she diagnosed with dementia/stroke/urinary tract infection or what?
Does she have a regular doctor? Has she seen that doctor for follow-up?
In a hospital, the goal is to get the patient better from an acute condition that got them admitted to a stable condition--but not necessarily "normal". I suspect that's what the nurses meant when they said she was "fine"--not acutely ill.
BUT YOU want to know what caused this sudden change. Start with her regular physician and follow up with any imaging or specialist visits recommended.
1. Get mom to her Primary Care doctor and have a full evaluation done. Getting a correct diagnosis is important. Sometimes it can be a "simple" as a UTI. (Urinary Tract Infections can turn deadly though)
2. As you mentioned when you and mom took care of dad you realize in retrospect that you took on more than you should have. Well...do not let history repeat itself. Do not take on more than you can with mom and it is now just you caring for her where as when you were caring for dad it was both of you.
If mom is diagnosed with dementia caring for her will not get easier it will get more and more difficult. And you can not do all the care yourself every day 24/7. Placing mom in a Memory Care facility will keep her safe, she will have staff 24/7 to help her when she needs it.
Where, exactly? The advice given here may differ depending on what country you are in.
Your mom could also have had a TIA (mini-stroke) or several and this could do it too. When you said a full bladder and back in the hospital and the sudden change in behavior points to a stroke.
I was an in-home caregiver mostly to elderly people for 25 years. When client behavior changed suddenly and they weren't urinating most of the time it turned out to be a UTI. If they were also not crapping usually it was a mini-stroke.
Please take her back to her doctor and insist on CAT scan at least. That will tell is she had a stroke or not.
Either way, your mother is elderly and shouldn't be living alone. She may need a live-in caregiver to move in. She may need placement in a residential care facility.
What she needs right now is a neurologist.
What diagnosis and prognosis were given?
Are you the POA for your Mom's care?