After my Mom fell and was put in a Memory care residence for Dementia I found out my sister and brother made a new Durable Power Of Attorney, new will and changes to her health care surrogate papers. Effectively putting them in charge of everything and her husband Trustee/Executor on the will. I believe my sister already had a POA before it was changed but I haven't seen it. Ironically they did this all without a lawyer. My parent always used a lawyer on past wills.
He's the real one in charge and has always been a control freak. My mother does trust him and I try to give him the benefit of the doubt even after losing a lot in investments with him.
I became more suspicious when they sold their house and moved into our Mother's ocean front condo. I gave them the benefit of the doubt at every turn. They said Mom didn't want me to know her financial situation.
I went down to Florida to ask her and she said of course, of course you should know. I'm from New Jersey and they are 5 minutes from her nursing home in Florida. I asked my sister to meet with me repeatedly and she refused. Apparently she takes any questions as being very offensive.
I flew back home and next thing you know Mom gets frustrated when I ask her about her financials over the phone. It's seems it's past her at this point.
I kept asking my sister and they eventually sent me some stuff but not a complete accounting. I have a good idea of what she should have, and helped manage and sell some property where she did very well in 2008.
I soon found out from public records that right before they moved into Mom's Condo that their home was in foreclosure.
It was the second foreclosure within 12- 14 months. My sister admitted to past money problems but not anything that happened within the timeline of our Mother's illness. The first time she said she borrowed money from a neighbor to get out of the foreclusure.
Ironically the second time they stopped paying their mortgage it was the month after Mom had her terrible fall and we realized she had dementia , and they would be POA. I also found a Judgement lean against them for over $42,000.00 dollars. Plus I learned my sisters husband has a horrible record with the Financial Institution Regulatory authority (FINRA) on there website brokercheck.com, and is currently being sued by ironically another POA of one of his clients. You can't make this up! So after two years of trying to give them an opportunity to explain she avoided me at every turn. She denied having any current money problems and only admitted to the first foreclusure when confronted with evidence. It seems they live above their means with a nice boat and, nice vacations and now an ocean front condo. I'm sure his business is not what it once was. I can't see anyone wanting to invest with him after reviewing his record on broker check. Just Google his name and unfavorable things come up. I'd be happy to help my sister but the way she is doing it is wrong.
I truly didn't want it to come to this as I can see my Mother is upset and doesn't really understand what's going on. She thinks I want to send her to an Old people's home. Go figure? But I'm still having some second doubts as this whole process is foreign to me. Plus we have a brother who agrees with all my suspicions but doesn't want take sides or upset anyone. He claims to have enough stress as a police officer, and has already received my parents flat in Europe.
I wish the law provided an easier alternative. As for now this seems to be the only route I can take. My Mom has financial means but they are burning through money and already warned us if she lives long she may not have enough. I don't believe that! Not if it's managed properly. There are too many red flags here for me avoid it and hope for the best. I'm learning that most of this stuff is designed more to make Lawyers money than to benefit the just. I'd love to hear you thoughts...
